This isn't a post as such its just an observation. With the problem with the intruder earlier in the year and DS1 struggling to get a job its really highlighted how much we all expect bad news.
If the phone rings or I get an unexpected letter I tense for bad news. If someone runs downstairs I expect bad news...its not just me we all do it....well that me, DD and DS1.
Its a sad indictment of our lives and how ground down we all are by constant blows. DD has had to close her blog and instagram account and its really been emotionally hard for her. She is acquiring new symptoms and new levels of 'normal' with her pain and life is getting very hard for her. Its happened many times as she has had to come to terms with new restrictions on what she can do and how much life she can have. Its really hard and she is struggling, can't blame her constant pain and no ability to do anything isn't much of a life.
DS1 is getting increasingly depressed by his lack of progress towards a job and some sort of a life outside his room, which makes it hard for him to motivate himself to do anything. Its a vicious circle, I can just hope he does eventually find a job that works for him.
DS2 is also floundering at the moment as the careful plans for next year have fallen apart and we are having to start from scratch again but with limited time. Such is life.
Hardly a surprise we all look for bad news!
Wednesday 7 February 2018
Thursday 1 February 2018
Another new year.
I have been trying to write a new post for ages, but every time I sit down to start I have to go and do something else.
Christmas was okay but very low key. No one had any enthusiasm and we basically all waited for DP to go back to work. Unfortunately he was off for odd days for the first 2 weeks for 2018 which made life hard for us all. DS2 didn't go back to College until the middle of January which made life hard as he was bored and floppy and refusing to do anything we suggested. DS1 also struggled as he wants a job, at this stage any job but isn't really willing to put any structured effort into getting one. He's also not sorting any of the other stuff he needs to do like getting a driving license, it does annoy me.
To be fair he didn't have a great start to the year, he heard a rustling in his room and being utterly phobic of rodents got DS2 to wake up and fetch me...while he cowered in bed. I couldn't see any signs of anything even though DS2 and I moved loads of boxes and stuff, dusted and moved some stuff out to store elsewhere. Unfortunately there still was a mouse and it fell into DS's bin the following day and died. This left DS absolutely paranoid, understandably and he ended up having to sleep in DD's room for a couple of days. We ended up redecorating his room so we could move everything and reclaim his room and reassure him that there were no intruders lurking anywhere. Fortunately after the second occasion I managed to trace where it had come in and we blocked it off. DS's room does look masses better now its been redecorated so its not all bad.
DD has had a series of pain flares since the start of winter and they show no sign of abating any time soon. She had had to close down her blog and instagram accounts which is a real shame as her photos were getting so much better...she was having them featured by brands fairly regularly and had more than 3,500 followers. She has had a lot of pleasure and fulfilment from her blog...it gave her a reason to get up, get dressed in beautiful clothes, go out. She also has an excuse to buy clothes she loved and treat herself to make up. It made her feel like a contributing member of society. But in the end her M.E. just took over too much and she just couldn't find the energy or brain space to continue. M.E. really sucks.
Other than that its been a fairly quiet new year. Haven't seen my parents particularly which is always a bonus and DM has stayed out of hospital which isn't necessarily good but I don't need to visit which is a plus...to be honest as long as I don't have to deal with her I'm not as excited by the thought of her dying...though it will make me smile whenever it finally happens. Still no contact with my DB which no longer surprises me, I'm not putting any effort into a relationship that's so one sided.
I've also not seen anything of J which is a plus as she is getting increasingly self centred and I really don't have the emotion energy to spare caring about her and her messed up life. Her youngest son has been given no boundaries and as far as I'm concerned he is not a nice or safe person, he apparently wants to have DS2 as a friend again but its not an option as I really don't like or trust him. Its not totally his fault I blame J for being a lazy parent and not pulling up his behaviour when he needed it. She no longer tells me about her drug addict boyfriend but he will still be on the scene. She will get massive inheritances from at least 3 people in the near future and there are no prizes for guessing where a large part of the cash will end up, and its not with her sons. As you can tell I don't have too high an opinion of her...can't think why she doesn't want to come round all the time anymore!
Christmas was okay but very low key. No one had any enthusiasm and we basically all waited for DP to go back to work. Unfortunately he was off for odd days for the first 2 weeks for 2018 which made life hard for us all. DS2 didn't go back to College until the middle of January which made life hard as he was bored and floppy and refusing to do anything we suggested. DS1 also struggled as he wants a job, at this stage any job but isn't really willing to put any structured effort into getting one. He's also not sorting any of the other stuff he needs to do like getting a driving license, it does annoy me.
To be fair he didn't have a great start to the year, he heard a rustling in his room and being utterly phobic of rodents got DS2 to wake up and fetch me...while he cowered in bed. I couldn't see any signs of anything even though DS2 and I moved loads of boxes and stuff, dusted and moved some stuff out to store elsewhere. Unfortunately there still was a mouse and it fell into DS's bin the following day and died. This left DS absolutely paranoid, understandably and he ended up having to sleep in DD's room for a couple of days. We ended up redecorating his room so we could move everything and reclaim his room and reassure him that there were no intruders lurking anywhere. Fortunately after the second occasion I managed to trace where it had come in and we blocked it off. DS's room does look masses better now its been redecorated so its not all bad.
DD has had a series of pain flares since the start of winter and they show no sign of abating any time soon. She had had to close down her blog and instagram accounts which is a real shame as her photos were getting so much better...she was having them featured by brands fairly regularly and had more than 3,500 followers. She has had a lot of pleasure and fulfilment from her blog...it gave her a reason to get up, get dressed in beautiful clothes, go out. She also has an excuse to buy clothes she loved and treat herself to make up. It made her feel like a contributing member of society. But in the end her M.E. just took over too much and she just couldn't find the energy or brain space to continue. M.E. really sucks.
Other than that its been a fairly quiet new year. Haven't seen my parents particularly which is always a bonus and DM has stayed out of hospital which isn't necessarily good but I don't need to visit which is a plus...to be honest as long as I don't have to deal with her I'm not as excited by the thought of her dying...though it will make me smile whenever it finally happens. Still no contact with my DB which no longer surprises me, I'm not putting any effort into a relationship that's so one sided.
I've also not seen anything of J which is a plus as she is getting increasingly self centred and I really don't have the emotion energy to spare caring about her and her messed up life. Her youngest son has been given no boundaries and as far as I'm concerned he is not a nice or safe person, he apparently wants to have DS2 as a friend again but its not an option as I really don't like or trust him. Its not totally his fault I blame J for being a lazy parent and not pulling up his behaviour when he needed it. She no longer tells me about her drug addict boyfriend but he will still be on the scene. She will get massive inheritances from at least 3 people in the near future and there are no prizes for guessing where a large part of the cash will end up, and its not with her sons. As you can tell I don't have too high an opinion of her...can't think why she doesn't want to come round all the time anymore!
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