Emergencies show who people are

 I managed to trip on the stairs and ended up falling down the last four and breaking a rib where I hit the stair lift. It wasn't my favourite activity that's for sure, but it really highlighted who does stuff in the house.

Fortunately the stair lift wasn't damaged...I just nudged it and sorted that even before I managed to get off the floor. DP was working from home and did come to see what had happened as did DD1. He wasn't overly helpful but to be fair there was nothing anyone could actually do that would have been helpful.

I managed to get myself stood up and, hardly a surprise, I was in shock, so super pale...I was also really struggling to breathe. DP decided to take me to A&E, not a bad decision, but I couldn't get in his car...too low. So DP phoned for an ambulance...talk about embarrassed! Anyway 6 hours later I finally leave hospital with the knowledge that I have broken a rib but I'm probably not bleeding internally...worth checking given I have a tendency to bleed. They did suggest a CT scan which would have eaten up another 3 hours...and would also have required me to lay down on what is apparently a low table to be shunted into the machine...not sure how that would have been possible. I was in less shock and pain so could move a bit but I still couldn't lay down and could barely sit!

DP came to pick me up...I gave him very clear instructions as to how to get to the A&E and there are lots of signposts directing people to A&E...he got lost! I had DS2 on the phone while DP drove for me to give directions...DP is a stupid arrogant twat! Anyway I finally got home and DD had made a nest on my bed for me so I could rest sat up. DS1 fed the cats for me...even getting up at 5am on a weekend to feed them their breakfasts!!! 

Between DD, DS1 and DS2 I was able to rest as much as I needed to the first few days and they did all did the jobs I struggled with for the first couple of weeks. DD pushed themselves into a flair by doing so much...they sat with DS2 while I was in A&E calming him down and chatting, they ordered food, and calming snacks for DS2, they looked after me. DS1 had to get taxi's in and out of work, sort cats, generally do all the physical sorting I couldn't do. DS2 did loads of jobs like sorting litter trays and sweeping where Ruthie scatters litter over DD's bedroom floor. DS1 was even prepared to take DS2 to his Wednesday social in a taxi if DP was too late home...definitely DS2's preferred option! 

The only person who's life changed not at all...DP...he still went to his class on a Tuesday, he still had music lessons, the only extra job he did was to take DS2 to his Wednesday socials. He is truly the most lazy, self centred arse I have ever had the misfortune to know. Unfortunately while I've been recovering I've been a fairly stationary target and he has taken to talking total boring sh*t at me...god the man is sooo tedious and dull. His only 'conversation' is him and what pathetic drivel he has written on whichever Facebook page has had the misfortune to attract his attention.  I am so lucky I'm deaf...though not deaf enough!

The only thing DP actually did after the accident was to phone to tell my DF...heaven only knows why...it was hardly an emergency and really did not warrant telling anyone. I'm guessing it was the only way he could insert himself into the drama....when he's talking to DF he does keep harping on about when DF had his stroke. 

Fortunately the rib is healing up really very quickly...the most unpleasant aspect was the reaction I had to the codeine...it seems the some manufacturers add stuff in to counteract the constipating effects of the codeine...also some people react to the binding agents...no idea which it was but I spent the best part of 2 days on the loo. Very uncomfortable and very tiring! Luckily I had regained enough mobility that I could wipe my own arse!

It has shown me that if I become ill in old age DP would be utterly useless ...he'd probably just not 'see' I needed anything. I never expected him to be any better...he's f*cking useless with DD's care needs...but he isn't even able to offer a cup of tea or check if I need anything to eat. Well I will make sure I follow suit when/if he needs help. Certainly being out of action ... or only limited ability... for a week or so showed DP does f*ck all and I do pretty much everything... and if I don't actually do a specific job I monitor it and make sure it is done! If a miracle happened and we were actually able to leave and abandon DP the house would descend into such a mess so fast and would end up a filthy hoarders hovel soon enough.

Not a great start to the year

 The Genocide in Gaza... and the West Bank and Jerusalem continues. It's really hard to follow the news, its so painful and nothing is being done by any Government really. South Africa did bring a case to the ICJ which agreed what's happening looks very genocidy. But Israel continues...indeed increases what it's doing and no one condemns them... so hard to watch. The news is barely on mainstream media at all so for those who'd rather ignore it all it's easy enough for them to look the other way. Social media is a life line for those of us you are bearing witness... seeing a genocide happening in real time is heart breaking and utterly depressing for a number of reasons- 

• watching the destruction of people, men, women and children...even babies, is horrific
• the utter destruction Israel is inflicting on every part of Gaza is unbelievable, it's total destruction...even more than WWII. The third oldest church in the world was totally destroyed...as well as hospitals, mosques, schools, houses, water treatment facilities...everything. The Palestinian Christian community is being totally eradicated. 
• Israel is also testing new weapons...the joys of capitalism I guess
• the death of any hope I had in the basic goodness of people...while there are lots of people all over the world working for a ceasefire there are more people who don't care or who actively want all the Palestinians in Gaza and the rest of Israel to die.
• Once you see the white settler colonialist, white supremacist, apartheid nature of Israel its not possible to unsee it. BLM taught us a lot about the nature of racism but this has torn all pretence about the toxic nature of colonialism, capitalism and racism and colonialism away. There are a lot of truly bad people in the world.
•  the environmental damage all this is doing is dreadful too...as if the world wasn't already experiencing all the problems of global warming and extreme weather!

When all this started in October my DF did agree that what was happening was dreadful...has never mentioned it since. For reasons known only to him DP has decided Israel is good and anyone resisting is bad... to be fair he is on facebook a lot and is getting shades of red pill. He is so far down the red pill rabbit hole that he will huff and leave the room if DS2 mentions Gaza. DS2 may have very limited understanding but is aware killing babies is bad and supports the people in Gaza... hard not to be able to clear that particular bar! Does not say good things about DP that he can't clear it.

In addition to all the stress because of the terrible news coming out of Gaza and the new ways I now need to see the world and all the problems we face as humans, DD is also having an especially bad start to the year. They always struggle in winter...the combination of dark, cold and poor weather making it hard to get out which leaves them trapped in their room very bored. But this year they are also flaring... badly flaring to the extent they have needed the commode in their room and are settling down to sleep by 5pm. In addition to that they have piled on weight in January...about 2 stone. Last January they were unhappy with how much weight they were putting on after Xmas...2lb a day. So we started counting what they ate and they lost a fairly steady half a stone a month and were just over 17stone at the beginning of June.  That didn't last but they ended up in the 18stone area until winter...which they could live with. They are now heading for 21 stone and likely to go back up to 24 stone which was their heaviest and head off beyond it. They are at the stage where they'd welcome a stomach flair, but that's not going to happen.

DS1 is also struggling with winter... the lack of any light and the fact that pretty much all he does is work and come home and sleep isn't making him happy. He did pass his Theory Test at his first attempt which was very impressive. Now he just needs to book a driving course and actually pass his test and start driving. I think that will help, fingers crossed. Basically he needs a nice partner who gets him and they can work together to get a house and work out their lives. Really don't see him being massively happy on his own but its not my problem to solve that's for sure.

Hopefully the year will brighten up...not got a lot of hope but good stuff can happen....okay maybe not. My cynicism runs deep for valid reasons.