Well DM is back in hospital.... since I wrote the first sentence she has been in hospital for a few days over her birthday which sucked for her...still extremely limited visiting in York Hospital. She then came out and is now back in again...this time probably over my birthday. It's her oxygen levels every time, the result if 60+ years of heavy smoking. She is increasingly frail and now sufficiently confused that she doesn't know the day of the week, the month or even the year! Not sure if it's dementia as such or just extreme tiredness and, to be honest, its irrelevant.
DF is making the most of his few days or freedom, he's been out walking, he managed to get to badminton on Friday night....he had missed a month and more when his ankle caused problems but never got back because leaving DM just isn't possible. He's definitely not rushing to get DM home again and who can blame him. I did talk to him about nursing homes back when all this started in lock down...but money is a major factor...not the lack of it just DF wanting to part with any!
It's my birthday in a few days and before DM went into hospital she was insisting that they would give me the money I need to sort the hall...we need to replace the stairlift, it got damaged when DD's first chair was dragged upstairs...I also need new carpet and some stair treads replaced and new book cases, never mind all the repainting. It's a project for next year and I'm thinking about £5,000. Well DF obviously heard DM on the phone and made sure I was only expecting a 'contribution'...I was so excited, for the first time in years I was actually looking forward to my birthday...would I get >£100 (my guess) or £500...the midrange guess ...or more. The excitement was immense...now of course with DM in hospital there is now way DF will ever remember, I mean there with be absolutely nothing around to remind him of his daughter's birthday on 11th November at 11am!!! Personally I think getting nothing means I morally win as it will indeed be >£100!
DS1 has absolutely no expectation of his birthday being remembered at all and I have been firmly told not to remind anyone...even if I mentioned his birthday every time I spoke to them no one would hear or care... they remembered DS2's birthday and that's the only one that matters.
DD and DS2 have both changed their first names... neither loved their old names...DS2 because he initially had exactly the same name as his first dad which wasn't good. He is now much happier, DD similarly didn't feel her old name fit who she is now so picked a better name. Now I just need to remember them both.
DM is still hanging onto life and will live another couple of years at least I'm guessing...she will be miserable and unhappy for all of it but she wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine when she wasn't this ill. It will make life incredibly hard for DF but I imagine he will eventually cave and get in some extra help because there is nothing I can do....DD is enough for me. I also have DS1 experiencing autistic burnout which is hard and DS2 who is also finding life hard.
Update: well DM came out of hospital on Monday...a complete surprise to DF who was told when he turned up to visit. He didn't sound overjoyed to have DM home again...he'd very much enjoyed the respite while she was in hospital and gone for a couple of walks and to badminton and a drink with his friends afterwards. Not totally sure if he will be able to keep DM at home much longer but only time will tell.
DM being home did mean my birthday was remembered and I got a very generous cheque of £1,500...way more than I was expecting. Given how totally and utterly broke we are at the moment it was very well timed and much appreciated. Looks like DS1's birthday will also be remembered and DF phoned to check if his birthday was on 13th...it is!
Also DB emailed to wish me a happy birthday and we actually responded to each other ...not at all normal any more...DB wasn't sure how old I was as he couldn't remember how long it was since he turned 50...not sure DM is the only batty one! Anyway it was useful because he is now going to see DM this weekend rather than leave it for a Christmas visit.
