Its nearly the end of November and it will soon be 2018. Its not been a bad year ...I've got most of the house redecorated. I'm particularly pleased the floors are all sealed and tiled after Renata found a mouse to play with! I'm hoping that's not an experience we need to repeat. I also replaced my car which is good as the old car was definitely getting elderly. The computer also got updated. Basically all the electrical equipment in the house got replaced over the year!
DS1 finished his degree...he's not found a job yet and to be honest hasn't looked particularly hard yet but hopefully he'll get something in the new year, I'm not keen for him to be hanging around long term. DS2 is in his last year at College but has next year already planned which makes him happier. Its going to be difficult in the long term because he won't be able to continue doing courses for ever but he's unlikely to ever get a job. I'll cross that bridge when I need to.
DD is continuing to deteriorate, she may well have to give up blogging which is not good as she has enjoyed having a reason to spend silly money on clothes she rarely wears and go out at stupid hours of the day to take photos. Her blog is getting noticed and she is starting to become properly successful, which makes it even harder to stop. But she just doesn't have the energy to do the work it needs. Also she is getting increasingly nasty about the quality of the photos, however hard I try my skills as a photographer will never be great and DD can't cope with anything less than her 'vision' of how the photos should have looked. It doesn't help that she is putting weight back on again and she hates how she looks. So all fun there.
My Mum is still alive unfortunately but I rarely need to see her...DD is just to poorly to leave and they aren't encouraged to come here. Mostly because they are loud but also because Mum is just so snide and nasty. They are talking about moving to a more manageable house, Dad was having problems walking for a week or so and that really highlighted how unsuitable their house is long term. But I can't actually see them doing anything, Mum is too lazy and once Dad gets back walking he'll forget how hard it was when he couldn't walk and just carry on as before. I might be wrong, next year will prove me wrong or right.
I haven't been in touch with my brother all year, I got so sick of being the one who maintained contact so decided to drop the rope. He obviously wasn't bothered for contact which is fine by me. Its not exactly a great loss in my life! I also have almost no contact with J. which is also fine by me, it now means I have no friends or family to chat to but they weren't bothered about me so I'm not loosing anything. J. talks about herself exclusively when we meet up, which is fine and I'm prepared to listen but she offers me no support or conversation so I'm not rushing to invite her over.
This Christmas will be quiet, as all our Christmases are. We will all sit in different rooms trying to avoid DP, who will be a total arse and bore us all. Luckily he should be away in the week before Xmas so it will give us a chance to do an 'unChristmas Eve' tea without him. I may even give DD and DS1 their stockings then. I had planned to stop doing stockings this year, but was firmly told by DS2 that he needed one. DD and DS1 had been unenthusiastic about stockings stopping as they all feel they are the best bit of Christmas, so they will still carry on for this year at least.
I won't be sad to see this year end, and hope next year brings some good stuff amongst all the bad stuff DD will have to endure. Maybe my Mum will die, that would cheer me up!
Tuesday 28 November 2017
Sunday 15 October 2017
DP is an arse... a continuing saga
Many years ago...about 10 or more, I started writing down my frustrations and annoyances with DP. It was a way of venting on paper as I had no other safe outlets and talking to DP...my preferred option...was a total non starter. I'd try to have an adult conversation about problems we were having and he'd just go on a long rant listing everything I'd ever done that he didn't like but not actually listening to anything I wanted to say. Afterwards I was supposed to meekly carry on as though all our problems were now sorted. I totally wish MN had been a thing then as I would never have stayed, classic emotional abuse but I just though he was an arse and having been used to my DM being an arse I put up with far too much.
I still have all the paper and read some of it last night. It was really interesting both to see what has changed and, more depressing, what has stayed the same.
Well DP is still an arse. He and I have a surface polite relationship and spend very little time together. He will talk at me while I'm reading in the kitchen sometimes and I totally ignore him, to the point I would be hard put to tell anyone what he'd actually said. His conversation is still mostly about himself, as far as I can tell...the bits I'm ignoring could be fascinating insights into the world situation or illuminating critics of popular media....no of course they aren't. He will be wittering on about how clever he is and how much he is worshipped by everyone...except his family obviously.
What has changed is me. I no longer do any of his laundry, shopping, clearing away or washing up. If he leaves something in the sink it still there the next time he gets to it. I don't even wash up his plate after tea, even if I am washing up everyone else's. He also sleeps on the sofa full time which is wonderful. It means I never have to put up with his snoring or him invading my space. OK I frequently have DD but that is my choice as her mum. I no longer even mention his families b/days or make any effort to think of appropriate presents. I sort my family and he can sort his, or not!
He has no input into Xmas or b/days for any of the children. He never put any effort in but now he gets no credit as I don't get him to sign cards or even tell him what is being given. He will have no idea what DS1 got for his 21st. Even when DS2 changed his name by deed poll for his 18th DP had no input and was informed but only so he was aware of what DS2's new name was. Last Xmas he didn't even get to see the presents being opened as we all went into DD's room to do it so he had no involvement at all. given the effort he puts into the only present he actually buys...mine...he doesn't deserve any of the fun of seeing presents being opened. I got a pile of fruit teabags and some new tea towels...not even a style I ever use! I put them all in the bin...I put in little more effort but do actually get CDs and books he will have some interest in and do get them before Xmas Eve which is presumably when he wanders into the local supermarket and buy some random crap.
He still continues to ignore DD and her illness...he actually had the gall to say, this summer, that 'it had been very hard for him when DD became ill and he hadn't known what to do as he couldn't fix it'. I was so blindsided by the comment I couldn't respond at all, which is a shame as I would have loved to have told him to grow up and stop being a pathetic little baby. Non of us has found DDs illness 'easy'. We all struggle to deal with it and it is heartbreaking when she is sobbing with pain and there is NOTHING anyone can do to help, but we cope. We cope the same way DD copes...a day at a time and we just get on with it. Given he has done NOTHING for DD even before she became ill what gives him the right to play the victim G*d only knows. He really does feel the world revolves around him. Just as there is an autistic spectrum so there is a narcissistic spectrum and he and indeed DM are both further along the line than is healthy or attractive. DF's father was undoubtedly also a narc which is, presumably, where he learned to be such a perfect enabler. I certainly spent my childhood learning that I wasn't important and that my role in life was to be invisible but useful. Thank heavens DD finally took me in hand and shook some reality into me! I don't think I am such a spineless enabler any more even if I am still overly conflict averse...but then anyone who grew up with my DM shouting and being appallingly rude to my DF was either going to end up avoiding conflict of being as unpleasant as her!
One thing that DP has changed is that he no longer heaves and sighs and does his martyr act...stupid as he patently is even he has eventually realised that no one pays any attention to his dramatic 'oh woe is me' act and its a waste of energy. He still does lots of other stupid noises to try and get attention, like random 'singing' and 'jazz style' noises. All totally ignored unless DS2 tells him to stop being stupid. DS2 still gets endlessly shouted at by DP but he treats it as white noise and ignores it. He will occasionally complain to me about DP doing something particularly stupid but other than that he copes and the two of them still go off to rugby and gaelic football and stuff. They even cook, theoretically together, every weekend so they can the food they like but that I don't cook. They have a repertoire of about half a dozen meals that they endlessly rotate. Its boring a sh*t but as long as I'm not expected to eat it why should I care. They shop for the stuff and cook it and wash up so its less cooking I have to do.
I would still get rid of DP if it was financially feasible but its really not, especially with DD so ill and becoming less able all the time. But its certainly my ambition to get rid of him eventually. Will he expect it...I really don't know. I'm assuming he is aware we don't have a good relationship but does he know how utterly dead it is, I doubt it. I can't imagine his towering conceit can envisage him not being universally adored, that's going to be a fun conversation when it eventually comes!!
I still have all the paper and read some of it last night. It was really interesting both to see what has changed and, more depressing, what has stayed the same.
Well DP is still an arse. He and I have a surface polite relationship and spend very little time together. He will talk at me while I'm reading in the kitchen sometimes and I totally ignore him, to the point I would be hard put to tell anyone what he'd actually said. His conversation is still mostly about himself, as far as I can tell...the bits I'm ignoring could be fascinating insights into the world situation or illuminating critics of popular media....no of course they aren't. He will be wittering on about how clever he is and how much he is worshipped by everyone...except his family obviously.
What has changed is me. I no longer do any of his laundry, shopping, clearing away or washing up. If he leaves something in the sink it still there the next time he gets to it. I don't even wash up his plate after tea, even if I am washing up everyone else's. He also sleeps on the sofa full time which is wonderful. It means I never have to put up with his snoring or him invading my space. OK I frequently have DD but that is my choice as her mum. I no longer even mention his families b/days or make any effort to think of appropriate presents. I sort my family and he can sort his, or not!
He has no input into Xmas or b/days for any of the children. He never put any effort in but now he gets no credit as I don't get him to sign cards or even tell him what is being given. He will have no idea what DS1 got for his 21st. Even when DS2 changed his name by deed poll for his 18th DP had no input and was informed but only so he was aware of what DS2's new name was. Last Xmas he didn't even get to see the presents being opened as we all went into DD's room to do it so he had no involvement at all. given the effort he puts into the only present he actually buys...mine...he doesn't deserve any of the fun of seeing presents being opened. I got a pile of fruit teabags and some new tea towels...not even a style I ever use! I put them all in the bin...I put in little more effort but do actually get CDs and books he will have some interest in and do get them before Xmas Eve which is presumably when he wanders into the local supermarket and buy some random crap.
He still continues to ignore DD and her illness...he actually had the gall to say, this summer, that 'it had been very hard for him when DD became ill and he hadn't known what to do as he couldn't fix it'. I was so blindsided by the comment I couldn't respond at all, which is a shame as I would have loved to have told him to grow up and stop being a pathetic little baby. Non of us has found DDs illness 'easy'. We all struggle to deal with it and it is heartbreaking when she is sobbing with pain and there is NOTHING anyone can do to help, but we cope. We cope the same way DD copes...a day at a time and we just get on with it. Given he has done NOTHING for DD even before she became ill what gives him the right to play the victim G*d only knows. He really does feel the world revolves around him. Just as there is an autistic spectrum so there is a narcissistic spectrum and he and indeed DM are both further along the line than is healthy or attractive. DF's father was undoubtedly also a narc which is, presumably, where he learned to be such a perfect enabler. I certainly spent my childhood learning that I wasn't important and that my role in life was to be invisible but useful. Thank heavens DD finally took me in hand and shook some reality into me! I don't think I am such a spineless enabler any more even if I am still overly conflict averse...but then anyone who grew up with my DM shouting and being appallingly rude to my DF was either going to end up avoiding conflict of being as unpleasant as her!
One thing that DP has changed is that he no longer heaves and sighs and does his martyr act...stupid as he patently is even he has eventually realised that no one pays any attention to his dramatic 'oh woe is me' act and its a waste of energy. He still does lots of other stupid noises to try and get attention, like random 'singing' and 'jazz style' noises. All totally ignored unless DS2 tells him to stop being stupid. DS2 still gets endlessly shouted at by DP but he treats it as white noise and ignores it. He will occasionally complain to me about DP doing something particularly stupid but other than that he copes and the two of them still go off to rugby and gaelic football and stuff. They even cook, theoretically together, every weekend so they can the food they like but that I don't cook. They have a repertoire of about half a dozen meals that they endlessly rotate. Its boring a sh*t but as long as I'm not expected to eat it why should I care. They shop for the stuff and cook it and wash up so its less cooking I have to do.
I would still get rid of DP if it was financially feasible but its really not, especially with DD so ill and becoming less able all the time. But its certainly my ambition to get rid of him eventually. Will he expect it...I really don't know. I'm assuming he is aware we don't have a good relationship but does he know how utterly dead it is, I doubt it. I can't imagine his towering conceit can envisage him not being universally adored, that's going to be a fun conversation when it eventually comes!!
Thursday 5 October 2017
Am I happy?
This was a question J. asked me last time she was round. She is obviously not at all happy with her life and is making herself very stressed about all kind of things. I was chatting, in general terms about my life and she just asked the question. I didn't need to think about the answer I am very happy with my life. There is a scene in 'Secret Countess' by Eva Ibbotson where the main character is talking to a child who is unhappy explaining that she...the main character...has lots of reasons she could use to be unhappy but that she chooses to focus on the good bits of her life and be happy.
I have lots of bad stuff in my life, the most obvious is DD who is getting increasingly poorly. DS1 is still showing no discernible signs of applying for jobs never mind getting anything! DS2 is still having behaviour issues and DP is still an arse about DS2's behaviour which only makes the situation worse...I can't think of a single occasion when his intervention has improved a situation but I can think of loads where he's made it a 100 times worse. DM is still alive and still a snide, miserable old woman...I can go on with a massive list, but they aren't the only things that are important.
There is the everyday good stuff, I live in a mostly stable country and have a decent house that cleanish and warm and we have enough food and all that stuff, which is not to be taken for granted. But over and above that I have so many other things that give me pleasure like listening to music, Handel is always good if I need cheering up, and cups of tea and familiar books. The list might not seem much but it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. After all I was born a Yorkshire man so I have already won the lottery of life.
DD had one of her photos from her blog picked up by the company that makes the frock she wore and it proved to be massively popular, it was a good photo but the response was still very unexpected. But that makes her feel as though she is achieving something as she can really believe she is a part of the conversation about diversity, I am immensely proud of her. Someone commented on one of her photos that she looks 'effortlessly beautiful'...2 hours of make up, then getting into her corset and clothes and then the effort of getting to where ever we are taking the photos and all the energy that burns up...its a long way from effortless, but the photos are never going to show all that. The photos are a fantasy world and are very beautiful. All this means she feels even more pressure to make her photos even more professional, which would be easier if her photographer (me) was any good! But she does like the fact her work is being seen. Its a shame its happening as she is getting so tired and in so much pain she is having to look at how much longer she can realistically carry on blogging, but she is making a difference to how visible people in wheelchairs are which is a real achievement for anyone.
DS2 was banned from eating sugar at the end of the summer holidays as his consumption was getting totally out of hand and his level of aggression was similarly out of hand. Strangely without the sugar his behaviour is much the same but his aggression has much less power behind so is not as much of an issue. He can see the difference as much as we can and is actually cooperating with reducing his intake of sugar, not sure how long the benefits will last but I'm enjoying the (relative) peace and quiet.
DS1 is starting, slowly, to get his act together and is starting to apply for stuff...he is an idle toe rag but I am confident he will get himself sorted eventually. DP is as much of an ass as usual but I barely spend any time with him so its no real issue for me. He's at work or out at his class or whatever and I am frequently busy supporting DD, no idea how he views the situation and to be honest, I really don't care. He is free to complain if he wants but I'm not changing...I tried all that many years ago and he wasn't interested then.
My aunt has a 'do' this weekend to which we have been invited and my parents will also have been invited and will certainly be there. I have bribed DS1 to attend with DP and DS2, I will need to stay home and look after DD. My DM will not be happy that I'm not there and I'm sure I'll get passive aggressive phone calls from her or my DF will phone to spout all the rubbish she's been filling his head with. It no longer bothers me and I am much more difficult to guilt trip. To be fair they have both been leaving me alone for a while now, which is good by me. They can go and annoy my DB if they get bored.
But yes I am happy...my life is basically good and I enjoy lots that I do. J. is choosing to be unhappy...I am obviously a nasty, judgemental bitch but its my blog I can say exactly what I want! She has spent money she doesn't have on her drug addict boyfriend, to the extend she and her family are struggling for money. I have no words for how stupid I think she is, I spend way more than I should on DD in particular but she isn't spending the money on drugs, she is buying stuff to make her life easier and happier, not the same as far as I'm concerned. Also I'm not making life hard for every one else. J. patently enjoys drama and uses 'depression' as an excuse for all the 'failures' of her life. I have little sympathy for that as no ones life goes according to plan but I don't see that as an excuse to be pathetic, not when she is so privileged in so many ways...look for the good stuff and enjoy that is my plan!
I have lots of bad stuff in my life, the most obvious is DD who is getting increasingly poorly. DS1 is still showing no discernible signs of applying for jobs never mind getting anything! DS2 is still having behaviour issues and DP is still an arse about DS2's behaviour which only makes the situation worse...I can't think of a single occasion when his intervention has improved a situation but I can think of loads where he's made it a 100 times worse. DM is still alive and still a snide, miserable old woman...I can go on with a massive list, but they aren't the only things that are important.
There is the everyday good stuff, I live in a mostly stable country and have a decent house that cleanish and warm and we have enough food and all that stuff, which is not to be taken for granted. But over and above that I have so many other things that give me pleasure like listening to music, Handel is always good if I need cheering up, and cups of tea and familiar books. The list might not seem much but it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. After all I was born a Yorkshire man so I have already won the lottery of life.
DD had one of her photos from her blog picked up by the company that makes the frock she wore and it proved to be massively popular, it was a good photo but the response was still very unexpected. But that makes her feel as though she is achieving something as she can really believe she is a part of the conversation about diversity, I am immensely proud of her. Someone commented on one of her photos that she looks 'effortlessly beautiful'...2 hours of make up, then getting into her corset and clothes and then the effort of getting to where ever we are taking the photos and all the energy that burns up...its a long way from effortless, but the photos are never going to show all that. The photos are a fantasy world and are very beautiful. All this means she feels even more pressure to make her photos even more professional, which would be easier if her photographer (me) was any good! But she does like the fact her work is being seen. Its a shame its happening as she is getting so tired and in so much pain she is having to look at how much longer she can realistically carry on blogging, but she is making a difference to how visible people in wheelchairs are which is a real achievement for anyone.
DS2 was banned from eating sugar at the end of the summer holidays as his consumption was getting totally out of hand and his level of aggression was similarly out of hand. Strangely without the sugar his behaviour is much the same but his aggression has much less power behind so is not as much of an issue. He can see the difference as much as we can and is actually cooperating with reducing his intake of sugar, not sure how long the benefits will last but I'm enjoying the (relative) peace and quiet.
DS1 is starting, slowly, to get his act together and is starting to apply for stuff...he is an idle toe rag but I am confident he will get himself sorted eventually. DP is as much of an ass as usual but I barely spend any time with him so its no real issue for me. He's at work or out at his class or whatever and I am frequently busy supporting DD, no idea how he views the situation and to be honest, I really don't care. He is free to complain if he wants but I'm not changing...I tried all that many years ago and he wasn't interested then.
My aunt has a 'do' this weekend to which we have been invited and my parents will also have been invited and will certainly be there. I have bribed DS1 to attend with DP and DS2, I will need to stay home and look after DD. My DM will not be happy that I'm not there and I'm sure I'll get passive aggressive phone calls from her or my DF will phone to spout all the rubbish she's been filling his head with. It no longer bothers me and I am much more difficult to guilt trip. To be fair they have both been leaving me alone for a while now, which is good by me. They can go and annoy my DB if they get bored.
But yes I am happy...my life is basically good and I enjoy lots that I do. J. is choosing to be unhappy...I am obviously a nasty, judgemental bitch but its my blog I can say exactly what I want! She has spent money she doesn't have on her drug addict boyfriend, to the extend she and her family are struggling for money. I have no words for how stupid I think she is, I spend way more than I should on DD in particular but she isn't spending the money on drugs, she is buying stuff to make her life easier and happier, not the same as far as I'm concerned. Also I'm not making life hard for every one else. J. patently enjoys drama and uses 'depression' as an excuse for all the 'failures' of her life. I have little sympathy for that as no ones life goes according to plan but I don't see that as an excuse to be pathetic, not when she is so privileged in so many ways...look for the good stuff and enjoy that is my plan!
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Nearly the end of summer
DS2 will be back at College from next week which is pleasing him enormously, its been way too long a summer holiday for him. He's still in from Monday to Thursday which isn't making him happy as third year students normally go in Tuesdays to Friday. It means he won't be with a lot of his friends except on Tuesday mornings and Thursdays...which is fine with me as he and his 'girlfriend' are way too intense. DS2 has said more than once that he would actually like to break up as he likes other girls but the girl is immensely manipulative...in a very 'soft' pathetic way. She's a nice enough girl and I really like her mum but she's not good for DS2, basically she has no self esteem so will do anything to keep DS2 as he is seen as a status symbol in College...as I say not healthy for either of them.
We are still taking a break from decorating, though we are still sorting stuff around the house. Last week DS re-backed all the bookcases in the hall as the original backing was starting to crumble...cheap plastic. I took the opportunity to sort through the books and got rid of a fair few. DS1 then cleared a load of boxes out of his room and reorganised as much as he could so he could actually move around his room. Looking for suitable storage gave us an exciting day...we went to pick up some plastic drawer units at Staples...which has rebranded and no longer sells them. This led to us driving through town on a Saturday ...not our brightest move! We then compounded the error by deciding to drive out to IKEA...Leeds was playing at home so the roads were standing traffic...once we'd got beyond there we got into more standing traffic...there had been a nasty accident with a burnt out car. We finally got to IKEA to find it absolutely packed...its the weekend students come back to Uni and there were LOTS of students and parents shopping for all the stuff they needed. As the final cherry on the day there were announcements over the loud speakers telling us that they couldn't take card payments...only cash. Fortunately we had a tiny bit of cash so could get a couple of things we needed and DS1 worked out another solution to his storage issues that was going to work better than our original plan so not a totally wasted day.
DD managed to sort two of the photo shoots she had planned. Both were at Brimham Rocks, a place we went to loads when the children were younger. The first time we went into the woods and took photos with smoke bombs as a special effect...the smoke was an amazing effect and the photos are stunning....as an added bonus the smoke discouraged the midges, of which there were thousands! I was taking the photos so not in the smoke and got so many bits on my forehead I looked as though I'd got measles! I had bites other places but they were the most visible ones. The other photo shoot was along the path amongst the rocks, the National Trust has made a proper path though the woods which is brilliant. It made the photo shoot possible and makes the whole place so accessible. OK DD still can't go into the fun, rocky bits and explore but being able to get to them is just so good. We will go back just for fun that's for sure.
Other than that we have been trying to survive till DS2 goes back to College, his behaviour hasn't been good and we have taken him off sugar which does seem to be reducing the levels of aggression which is good but he is still not finding it easy to be sensible. Hopefully once he gets back into the routine of College he will calm down a bit.
DP is away with work for most of the next 2 weeks...we are looking forward to that sooo much! DS1 will be able to work on his portfolio stuff downstairs and on an evening which will help him get some of the stuff actually finished. DD will have peace and quiet on an evening so she can choose to come downstairs if she wants. DS2 won't be shouted at for random stuff...it will be pleasant break for all of us. DP is being an increasing arse...he is so stupidly grumpy and will be randomly rude, brushing off any comments I, or DS2 ( we are the only people in the house who speak to him), make as though we are just too stupid to bother with. He really is on the narcissistic spectrum and finds anything that he could possible perceive as a criticism, however mild, as a vicious attack and he just can't cope. Its a good job I am no longer emotionally connected to him or it would be really painful, now I can just think what a prat he is and dream about having enough money to tell him to f*ck off.
DM has been fairly quiet, I've only had one phone call from her and we talked about the weather in America, where there have been hurricanes, and the political situation in North Korea, where they have been firing missiles, all very superficial. I was polite and asked about her health but I am telling her nothing about my life, she doesn't have any interest so why would I bother. She is another on the narcissistic spectrum, with DF as her enabler....not a supportive family that's for sure! DB is another who is utterly disconnected from the family, I get updates on what he's doing from DM and DF but I have virtually no contact with him. We send cards to each other and Xmas presents, but that's it. I can't see us staying in touch once our parents die, its a shame as I had a good relationship with DB1 and I still miss him. OK the relationship could have faded, after all I used to think my parents were good and that DP was my best friend, but I like to think he really was the person I remember. It would be so good to actually have a grown up friend I could off load to, there are days I really need it and I have no one. That why I write this!! Even J. uses me to off load onto and its not a two way street as I find her boundaries strange and so tell her only very superficial stuff about my life, basically I don't trust her....not good. The 'friendship' is fading off which is good in some ways...she is very loud when she comes round which disturbs DD...and sad in others...she was a good friend before she got wrapped up in her drug addict boyfriend and I do miss having someone to talk to. But such is life.
My hopes for the next month or so is that DD manages to regain some energy when DS2 goes back to College, she has been flaring a lot all summer, mini flares but still leaving in bed for a lot of the time. I also hope DS1 gets a job, that's it basically. I just want him to get on with his life....he gets awfully floppy and has any number of excuses about why he hasn't done stuff but he just needs to man up and get his sh*t sorted! He doesn't have to move out, though that would be good, he just needs to grow up. DS2 will hopefully get some control over his behaviour and reduce his aggression...we live in hope. One day my fantasy wish will come true and DM will finally die, DF possibly has another 20 years to go but I hope DM dies earlier than that! Ideally DP will piss off at some stage...magically still leaving his salary with us...OK not going to happen but it is a fantasy!
We are still taking a break from decorating, though we are still sorting stuff around the house. Last week DS re-backed all the bookcases in the hall as the original backing was starting to crumble...cheap plastic. I took the opportunity to sort through the books and got rid of a fair few. DS1 then cleared a load of boxes out of his room and reorganised as much as he could so he could actually move around his room. Looking for suitable storage gave us an exciting day...we went to pick up some plastic drawer units at Staples...which has rebranded and no longer sells them. This led to us driving through town on a Saturday ...not our brightest move! We then compounded the error by deciding to drive out to IKEA...Leeds was playing at home so the roads were standing traffic...once we'd got beyond there we got into more standing traffic...there had been a nasty accident with a burnt out car. We finally got to IKEA to find it absolutely packed...its the weekend students come back to Uni and there were LOTS of students and parents shopping for all the stuff they needed. As the final cherry on the day there were announcements over the loud speakers telling us that they couldn't take card payments...only cash. Fortunately we had a tiny bit of cash so could get a couple of things we needed and DS1 worked out another solution to his storage issues that was going to work better than our original plan so not a totally wasted day.
DD managed to sort two of the photo shoots she had planned. Both were at Brimham Rocks, a place we went to loads when the children were younger. The first time we went into the woods and took photos with smoke bombs as a special effect...the smoke was an amazing effect and the photos are stunning....as an added bonus the smoke discouraged the midges, of which there were thousands! I was taking the photos so not in the smoke and got so many bits on my forehead I looked as though I'd got measles! I had bites other places but they were the most visible ones. The other photo shoot was along the path amongst the rocks, the National Trust has made a proper path though the woods which is brilliant. It made the photo shoot possible and makes the whole place so accessible. OK DD still can't go into the fun, rocky bits and explore but being able to get to them is just so good. We will go back just for fun that's for sure.
Other than that we have been trying to survive till DS2 goes back to College, his behaviour hasn't been good and we have taken him off sugar which does seem to be reducing the levels of aggression which is good but he is still not finding it easy to be sensible. Hopefully once he gets back into the routine of College he will calm down a bit.
DP is away with work for most of the next 2 weeks...we are looking forward to that sooo much! DS1 will be able to work on his portfolio stuff downstairs and on an evening which will help him get some of the stuff actually finished. DD will have peace and quiet on an evening so she can choose to come downstairs if she wants. DS2 won't be shouted at for random stuff...it will be pleasant break for all of us. DP is being an increasing arse...he is so stupidly grumpy and will be randomly rude, brushing off any comments I, or DS2 ( we are the only people in the house who speak to him), make as though we are just too stupid to bother with. He really is on the narcissistic spectrum and finds anything that he could possible perceive as a criticism, however mild, as a vicious attack and he just can't cope. Its a good job I am no longer emotionally connected to him or it would be really painful, now I can just think what a prat he is and dream about having enough money to tell him to f*ck off.
DM has been fairly quiet, I've only had one phone call from her and we talked about the weather in America, where there have been hurricanes, and the political situation in North Korea, where they have been firing missiles, all very superficial. I was polite and asked about her health but I am telling her nothing about my life, she doesn't have any interest so why would I bother. She is another on the narcissistic spectrum, with DF as her enabler....not a supportive family that's for sure! DB is another who is utterly disconnected from the family, I get updates on what he's doing from DM and DF but I have virtually no contact with him. We send cards to each other and Xmas presents, but that's it. I can't see us staying in touch once our parents die, its a shame as I had a good relationship with DB1 and I still miss him. OK the relationship could have faded, after all I used to think my parents were good and that DP was my best friend, but I like to think he really was the person I remember. It would be so good to actually have a grown up friend I could off load to, there are days I really need it and I have no one. That why I write this!! Even J. uses me to off load onto and its not a two way street as I find her boundaries strange and so tell her only very superficial stuff about my life, basically I don't trust her....not good. The 'friendship' is fading off which is good in some ways...she is very loud when she comes round which disturbs DD...and sad in others...she was a good friend before she got wrapped up in her drug addict boyfriend and I do miss having someone to talk to. But such is life.
My hopes for the next month or so is that DD manages to regain some energy when DS2 goes back to College, she has been flaring a lot all summer, mini flares but still leaving in bed for a lot of the time. I also hope DS1 gets a job, that's it basically. I just want him to get on with his life....he gets awfully floppy and has any number of excuses about why he hasn't done stuff but he just needs to man up and get his sh*t sorted! He doesn't have to move out, though that would be good, he just needs to grow up. DS2 will hopefully get some control over his behaviour and reduce his aggression...we live in hope. One day my fantasy wish will come true and DM will finally die, DF possibly has another 20 years to go but I hope DM dies earlier than that! Ideally DP will piss off at some stage...magically still leaving his salary with us...OK not going to happen but it is a fantasy!
Thursday 20 July 2017
Getting through the jobs
Well DS1 came back ok from Uni and barely had time to sit down before I started him on decorating. We started decorating in DDs room. She wanted another wall painted in the dark purple/grey she'd already got on a couple of walls. I'd ordered another tin of the paint at Easter thinking we might get chance to do the painting then but there was no time then. It was nightmare as the paint is very thin and drips everywhere...and I really mean everywhere....it was also a distinctly different shade to the previous paint, much more grey and less purple. I got another tin so I could repaint the initial wall for that to be yet another shade! I phoned up and complained and got my money back...a real consideration given the premium cost of the paint.
DS1 and I then went to the Dulux paint centre and got some paint....and then went back as the first paint was a vibrant pink, not at all like the swatch on the site. The eventual colour was perfect, realistically the original colour but without the very nice chalky effect that the premium paint had. On the plus side the Dulux paint was a doddle to use as its a good thick consistency so doesn't drip everywhere.
We then had fun as DS1 needed to fix a tv stand to the wall so DD could have a tv in her room over her bed. The original tv stand I'd ordered was massively too big and weighed more than the tv. I got another, much smaller one and even that caused problem fixing it to the wall. DS1 manged to sort it by attaching a piece of wood to the wall first and angling the screws down. The tv hasn't come off the wall yet so it appears to be working fine. Having a tv made a real difference to DD as she can distract while laid in bed. It was particularly useful as the day we'd finished in DDs room we went on to decorate the living room which was a major job and involved laying cork tiles as the floor, which was stained floorboards and was just a mess and looked grubby and annoyed me. We managed really well and finished the work in five days...five long days but it all got done. We even put window film on the windows...a major undertaking as one of the windows is the width of the room. Luckily DS2 was really sensible and helped so we managed without any traumas. Having the film makes a real difference to the amount of glare in the room and really helps DD, not that she's spent much time in the living room. All the hassle of decorating and having the house a mess has been hard on DD who spent most of the time in bed watching tv and napping.
We had fun one night when a mouse got into the house. Renata caught it immediately but didn't kill it. Instead she decided it was the best toy ever and brought it into my room to play with and proceeded to play for an hour or so...from 1.30am...until she lost it! DD, who was in my room as her room was still being sorted, and I got NO sleep that night. The mouse made a break for freedom mid morning when DS1 was in my bedroom. He is utterly phobic of rodents and freaked. Renata caught it again but was still playing. I went up armed with a broom and managed to corner the little bugger and crush to death. We also found where we assume the mouse got into the house and filled the hole up. Renata sulked for days, partly because we we messing up her house decorating and partly because I took away her toy!
We still have my bedroom and the halls to emulsion but we are having a break from decorating. We could only do the living room as DP was away in Australia and DS2 was still in college. DP is off for a week at the start of August so we definitely won't be decorating then...anyway we all need a rest. DD and Renata in particular need for the house to be calm for a few weeks.
Anyway the beginning of August I'll be getting a new car. I'd already planned to sort one that week as my car is getting very elderly and I thought it worth replacing before the MOT at the end of August but its become more urgent as a total dimwit pulled out of a junction, from a a standing start, and hit the side of my car. Luckily DS1 was with me so he could take all the photos we needed and I spoke to the insurers as soon as we got back home. I could have had a hire car through the insurance but that would have needed DP to be home so he could sign...not possible with him being in Australia. I sorted my own hire car and will need to make sure the new car has insurance in my name in case I have any problems in future.
Unsurprisingly the insurance decided to write the car off, not because there was a lot of damage but the car is old and not in great condition. The damage was a minor shunt to the passenger door and wheel arch but even that amount of damage was more than the value of the car. It worked in our favour as the price the insurance offered us was twice what we'd have got from anywhere else.
Now we just need to sort a new car. We then get to finish the decorating, DS1 needs to sort his CV and portfolio and get himself a job. He is back in London next week for a couple of days to graduate...I'm gutted neither DD or I can go and see him get his degree but there is no way DD is well enough for us to go.
DD has a list of photos she wants to take over the summer and beyond. She has taken a break from blogging as it was getting too hard for her and not fun anymore, but she missed all the excitement and the reason for getting dressed up so she is now back blogging. Her photos are getting better all the time and we are now moving into the realms of props and 'concepts'....definitely makes for better photos.
DS2 is being a total arse already...aggressive, floppy, entitled, rude...just basically unpleasant and had to be around. Hopefully he calms down and starts being the lovely child he can be.
So not a relaxing summer. Especially as DM is back in hospital, another trip via ambulance just because her oxygen was low. I'm pretty sure she could have got to A&E by car, but an ambulance is so much more dramatic and DM sure likes to be the centre of attention. DP, DS2 and I went over to York to see her on Wednesday evening and that's it as far as I'm concerned. I'm just waiting for her to die....even DF is talking about her bed blocking and not needing to be resuscitated, so he is getting sick of her endless dramas and illness.
Anyway the summer will, hopefully be productive. A newly decorated house, a new car and hopefully DS1 with a job....anything else is a bonus. I would like to see DD coping with all the photo outings she's planned and not having a flare! I also want to see DS2 calming down and being his sweet, charming self! I'd also like to have DM dead and DP leaving...a girl can dream!
Update: well we have managed to get the decorating mostly done before the end of August, my bedroom still needs some bits finishing and the hall and stairs still need to be painted but the main work is all done. Its so good KNOWING that the floor in the living room and my bedroom are totally sealed...wire mesh and panelling with a pile of filler in my room! Its also just so much cleaner and tidier as I've taken the opportunity to clear out a load of junk.
The new car is another Honda Jazz as I liked the last one so much, its even red which makes it easy to remember which is my car in a car park.
DD got one of her photo sessions sorted and we all set off for Whitby at 2am to be there for the pre-dawn 'blue hour'. Unfortunately the photos weren't quite what she'd been hoping for but it was still a lovely day and the photos are more than usable. Instead of resting following the day out she pushed herself too hard while DS1 and I decorated my bedroom which did lead to a mini flare and she was in bed for a week in lots of pain.
My parents came over on afternoon on their way back from Tong, their stated reason was to see DS1. Not a good day as we were in the middle of decorating and really busy. Anyway they did get to 'see' DS1 when I made him go down but they didn't actually bother speaking to him! Strange. They also failed to notice I had a new car, but DP took them out to show them his new car...in fact he spoke pretty much all the time they were here, dull but better than me having to try and cobble together any conversation, and lets be honest, they have no interest in anything I say or do and may actually find DP's rambling of some interest.
Other than that DS2 is still having real problems regulating his behaviour...he is working through some difficult stuff from his past in therapy which is stressing him and he's anxious about his last year at College, non of which is an excuse for his behaviour but it does make it understandable.
Last night was fun as he and DP had a massive argument. They had been out to a rugby match which was impossible to find, stressful for both of them but no excuse for either of them to behave so badly. I gather DS2 said lots of rude and unkind things to DP...mostly 'true' if with a spin on them...basically how no one liked DP. Not unnaturally DP was not overjoyed and because he's a prat he totally over reacted, as he always does, and was nasty in retaliation so the situation escalated. It took hours to calm DS2 down enough so he could sleep. DS1 and DD helped talk him down...we all, independently, stressed to DS2 that its not okay to say unkind things...non of us was going to tell him off for lying because we all basically agreed with his honesty even if his delivery was unacceptable. DP had been going to work from home rather than driving into the office...not something any of us wanted as its always horrid having him at home, but after last night he decided to go into work so people there can tell him how amazing he is. He is never going to get that at home that's for sure! Now we just have to survive through next week when he's off all week!
DS1 and I then went to the Dulux paint centre and got some paint....and then went back as the first paint was a vibrant pink, not at all like the swatch on the site. The eventual colour was perfect, realistically the original colour but without the very nice chalky effect that the premium paint had. On the plus side the Dulux paint was a doddle to use as its a good thick consistency so doesn't drip everywhere.
We then had fun as DS1 needed to fix a tv stand to the wall so DD could have a tv in her room over her bed. The original tv stand I'd ordered was massively too big and weighed more than the tv. I got another, much smaller one and even that caused problem fixing it to the wall. DS1 manged to sort it by attaching a piece of wood to the wall first and angling the screws down. The tv hasn't come off the wall yet so it appears to be working fine. Having a tv made a real difference to DD as she can distract while laid in bed. It was particularly useful as the day we'd finished in DDs room we went on to decorate the living room which was a major job and involved laying cork tiles as the floor, which was stained floorboards and was just a mess and looked grubby and annoyed me. We managed really well and finished the work in five days...five long days but it all got done. We even put window film on the windows...a major undertaking as one of the windows is the width of the room. Luckily DS2 was really sensible and helped so we managed without any traumas. Having the film makes a real difference to the amount of glare in the room and really helps DD, not that she's spent much time in the living room. All the hassle of decorating and having the house a mess has been hard on DD who spent most of the time in bed watching tv and napping.
We had fun one night when a mouse got into the house. Renata caught it immediately but didn't kill it. Instead she decided it was the best toy ever and brought it into my room to play with and proceeded to play for an hour or so...from 1.30am...until she lost it! DD, who was in my room as her room was still being sorted, and I got NO sleep that night. The mouse made a break for freedom mid morning when DS1 was in my bedroom. He is utterly phobic of rodents and freaked. Renata caught it again but was still playing. I went up armed with a broom and managed to corner the little bugger and crush to death. We also found where we assume the mouse got into the house and filled the hole up. Renata sulked for days, partly because we we messing up her house decorating and partly because I took away her toy!
We still have my bedroom and the halls to emulsion but we are having a break from decorating. We could only do the living room as DP was away in Australia and DS2 was still in college. DP is off for a week at the start of August so we definitely won't be decorating then...anyway we all need a rest. DD and Renata in particular need for the house to be calm for a few weeks.
Anyway the beginning of August I'll be getting a new car. I'd already planned to sort one that week as my car is getting very elderly and I thought it worth replacing before the MOT at the end of August but its become more urgent as a total dimwit pulled out of a junction, from a a standing start, and hit the side of my car. Luckily DS1 was with me so he could take all the photos we needed and I spoke to the insurers as soon as we got back home. I could have had a hire car through the insurance but that would have needed DP to be home so he could sign...not possible with him being in Australia. I sorted my own hire car and will need to make sure the new car has insurance in my name in case I have any problems in future.
Unsurprisingly the insurance decided to write the car off, not because there was a lot of damage but the car is old and not in great condition. The damage was a minor shunt to the passenger door and wheel arch but even that amount of damage was more than the value of the car. It worked in our favour as the price the insurance offered us was twice what we'd have got from anywhere else.
Now we just need to sort a new car. We then get to finish the decorating, DS1 needs to sort his CV and portfolio and get himself a job. He is back in London next week for a couple of days to graduate...I'm gutted neither DD or I can go and see him get his degree but there is no way DD is well enough for us to go.
DD has a list of photos she wants to take over the summer and beyond. She has taken a break from blogging as it was getting too hard for her and not fun anymore, but she missed all the excitement and the reason for getting dressed up so she is now back blogging. Her photos are getting better all the time and we are now moving into the realms of props and 'concepts'....definitely makes for better photos.
DS2 is being a total arse already...aggressive, floppy, entitled, rude...just basically unpleasant and had to be around. Hopefully he calms down and starts being the lovely child he can be.
So not a relaxing summer. Especially as DM is back in hospital, another trip via ambulance just because her oxygen was low. I'm pretty sure she could have got to A&E by car, but an ambulance is so much more dramatic and DM sure likes to be the centre of attention. DP, DS2 and I went over to York to see her on Wednesday evening and that's it as far as I'm concerned. I'm just waiting for her to die....even DF is talking about her bed blocking and not needing to be resuscitated, so he is getting sick of her endless dramas and illness.
Anyway the summer will, hopefully be productive. A newly decorated house, a new car and hopefully DS1 with a job....anything else is a bonus. I would like to see DD coping with all the photo outings she's planned and not having a flare! I also want to see DS2 calming down and being his sweet, charming self! I'd also like to have DM dead and DP leaving...a girl can dream!
Update: well we have managed to get the decorating mostly done before the end of August, my bedroom still needs some bits finishing and the hall and stairs still need to be painted but the main work is all done. Its so good KNOWING that the floor in the living room and my bedroom are totally sealed...wire mesh and panelling with a pile of filler in my room! Its also just so much cleaner and tidier as I've taken the opportunity to clear out a load of junk.
The new car is another Honda Jazz as I liked the last one so much, its even red which makes it easy to remember which is my car in a car park.
DD got one of her photo sessions sorted and we all set off for Whitby at 2am to be there for the pre-dawn 'blue hour'. Unfortunately the photos weren't quite what she'd been hoping for but it was still a lovely day and the photos are more than usable. Instead of resting following the day out she pushed herself too hard while DS1 and I decorated my bedroom which did lead to a mini flare and she was in bed for a week in lots of pain.
My parents came over on afternoon on their way back from Tong, their stated reason was to see DS1. Not a good day as we were in the middle of decorating and really busy. Anyway they did get to 'see' DS1 when I made him go down but they didn't actually bother speaking to him! Strange. They also failed to notice I had a new car, but DP took them out to show them his new car...in fact he spoke pretty much all the time they were here, dull but better than me having to try and cobble together any conversation, and lets be honest, they have no interest in anything I say or do and may actually find DP's rambling of some interest.
Other than that DS2 is still having real problems regulating his behaviour...he is working through some difficult stuff from his past in therapy which is stressing him and he's anxious about his last year at College, non of which is an excuse for his behaviour but it does make it understandable.
Last night was fun as he and DP had a massive argument. They had been out to a rugby match which was impossible to find, stressful for both of them but no excuse for either of them to behave so badly. I gather DS2 said lots of rude and unkind things to DP...mostly 'true' if with a spin on them...basically how no one liked DP. Not unnaturally DP was not overjoyed and because he's a prat he totally over reacted, as he always does, and was nasty in retaliation so the situation escalated. It took hours to calm DS2 down enough so he could sleep. DS1 and DD helped talk him down...we all, independently, stressed to DS2 that its not okay to say unkind things...non of us was going to tell him off for lying because we all basically agreed with his honesty even if his delivery was unacceptable. DP had been going to work from home rather than driving into the office...not something any of us wanted as its always horrid having him at home, but after last night he decided to go into work so people there can tell him how amazing he is. He is never going to get that at home that's for sure! Now we just have to survive through next week when he's off all week!
Sunday 2 July 2017
Summer is here
After a week of VERY hot weather...so hot I caved in a bought myself some shorts...we had a couple of weeks of cold, wet weather. So cold I actually put the heater on in the kitchen. Its now back to warm and sunny which is fine as long as it stays warm rather than hot!
DD has been really struggling this year....lots of pain and endless cramp which has been making sleep difficult. She is slowly coming round a bit but is finding it hard as her cat is being very clingy, especially in the night. Renata had a biopsy to check if there was any particular reason for her constantly scratching the same bits of her neck till they bled...we all though cancer but no one wanted to say it. Luckily the biopsy found nothing so we just need to let the scar heal...easier said than done if you are a cat. We ended up getting her little catsuits which she hates but do stop her opening her stitches when she scratches. She is, slowly, getting used to the suit and should only need it for another week or so.
DD2 has had a rough couple of weeks. He's been really stressed in College because of exams which make him feel stupid, he's also been struggling with the behaviour of some of the other students. One of the other students is, according to DS2, trying to get people to start smoking. Added to this DS2 has started dealing with his first family in his therapy sessions and finds that very hard. All this has impacted on his behaviour a lot and he's been hard to live with. He does seem to be calmer today, so hopefully his stress is easing off. He was so stressed he was actually ill on Thursday night, massive temperature and he was shivering and his hands and feet were freezing. He was still less than well on Friday and didn't eat much as he felt sick...for a child who is NEVER ill it was a sign of just how stressed he's been.
DS1 is on his way back to Leeds as I type...DP went down to London to collect him. DS1 had hoped to get a job sorted before he needed to come back to Leeds but he's not exactly pro active and it was never going to happen. Instead he is coming back help me decorate virtually the whole house...DDs room needs repainting and a TV fixing to the wall and some other bits and pieces sorting. As she spends increasing amounts of time in her room its helpful to have suitable tech to keep her occupied as boredom is a massive problem when she's too tired to come downstairs but not tired enough to doze.
The living room is getting a new floor and the wood work repainting as the white gloss had gone yellow awfully fast and looks dirty. DS1 is also building a new filing cabinet, a cat staircase and some storage for DS2's craft supplies...so not much. We then move onto my bedroom which needs repainting and a new floor and other than that it just need a massive tidy, which it will get. Once all that's done we just need to repaint the hall and stairs and do a couple of bits in the kitchen...like new chairs...and we are sorted.
We had saved the money to do all the work but DD has just had to replace her camera which used up all our savings...that's what credit cards are for I guess but I am trying to pay them off rather than to max them out again!
The other job we need to get sorted is replace my car...its MOT is the end of August and I get the real feeling that its going to be an expensive job to get it through so it seems wisest to replace it sooner rather than later .So that's pencilled in for the beginning of August.
DP has been away for a week in America with work, came back and left almost immediately for a week in France seeing his mum and sister. He's got this week in Leeds then he's off to Australia for a week with work. Hard work for him, especially seeing his mum and sister, but makes for a much easier summer for the rest of us.
Hopefully DS1 will get his driving license sorted this summer as well and get himself a job. In travelling distance of Leeds so he can live here for a while and build up his savings would be good but any job is good realistically.
Fingers crossed DS2 will have a sensible summer and get a handle on his behaviour, which will please him as much as anyone else. I'm hoping DD gets done the trips out she is planning...sunrise in Whitby will be amazing if exhausting. All in all a very busy summer but one I'm looking forward to. All made easier as haven't seen J for nearly a month, though she did text to gloat her son got First...crap degree at a crap Uni so I wasn't as impressed as I could have been but said all the right things. I also haven't really seen my parents for ages...they did insist on coming when I was painting the panelling in the hall, even though I said 'no' as it wasn't convenient. I set dressed the hall to look even busier than I was...I was doing a final coat and touch up...and talked to them briefly outside the front door! I was proud of myself for sticking to my guns and I really did not want them traipsing through the house as I could absolutely guarantee one of them would have smudged the paint at least once. Mum phoned yesterday but talked to DP as I heard it was her and went straight upstairs to sit with DD ...so she sent me a passive aggressive email, which I deleted. I will be baseline polite but that's it. I really don't have the energy to focus on her which is what she wants.
DD has been really struggling this year....lots of pain and endless cramp which has been making sleep difficult. She is slowly coming round a bit but is finding it hard as her cat is being very clingy, especially in the night. Renata had a biopsy to check if there was any particular reason for her constantly scratching the same bits of her neck till they bled...we all though cancer but no one wanted to say it. Luckily the biopsy found nothing so we just need to let the scar heal...easier said than done if you are a cat. We ended up getting her little catsuits which she hates but do stop her opening her stitches when she scratches. She is, slowly, getting used to the suit and should only need it for another week or so.
DD2 has had a rough couple of weeks. He's been really stressed in College because of exams which make him feel stupid, he's also been struggling with the behaviour of some of the other students. One of the other students is, according to DS2, trying to get people to start smoking. Added to this DS2 has started dealing with his first family in his therapy sessions and finds that very hard. All this has impacted on his behaviour a lot and he's been hard to live with. He does seem to be calmer today, so hopefully his stress is easing off. He was so stressed he was actually ill on Thursday night, massive temperature and he was shivering and his hands and feet were freezing. He was still less than well on Friday and didn't eat much as he felt sick...for a child who is NEVER ill it was a sign of just how stressed he's been.
DS1 is on his way back to Leeds as I type...DP went down to London to collect him. DS1 had hoped to get a job sorted before he needed to come back to Leeds but he's not exactly pro active and it was never going to happen. Instead he is coming back help me decorate virtually the whole house...DDs room needs repainting and a TV fixing to the wall and some other bits and pieces sorting. As she spends increasing amounts of time in her room its helpful to have suitable tech to keep her occupied as boredom is a massive problem when she's too tired to come downstairs but not tired enough to doze.
The living room is getting a new floor and the wood work repainting as the white gloss had gone yellow awfully fast and looks dirty. DS1 is also building a new filing cabinet, a cat staircase and some storage for DS2's craft supplies...so not much. We then move onto my bedroom which needs repainting and a new floor and other than that it just need a massive tidy, which it will get. Once all that's done we just need to repaint the hall and stairs and do a couple of bits in the kitchen...like new chairs...and we are sorted.
We had saved the money to do all the work but DD has just had to replace her camera which used up all our savings...that's what credit cards are for I guess but I am trying to pay them off rather than to max them out again!
The other job we need to get sorted is replace my car...its MOT is the end of August and I get the real feeling that its going to be an expensive job to get it through so it seems wisest to replace it sooner rather than later .So that's pencilled in for the beginning of August.
DP has been away for a week in America with work, came back and left almost immediately for a week in France seeing his mum and sister. He's got this week in Leeds then he's off to Australia for a week with work. Hard work for him, especially seeing his mum and sister, but makes for a much easier summer for the rest of us.
Hopefully DS1 will get his driving license sorted this summer as well and get himself a job. In travelling distance of Leeds so he can live here for a while and build up his savings would be good but any job is good realistically.
Fingers crossed DS2 will have a sensible summer and get a handle on his behaviour, which will please him as much as anyone else. I'm hoping DD gets done the trips out she is planning...sunrise in Whitby will be amazing if exhausting. All in all a very busy summer but one I'm looking forward to. All made easier as haven't seen J for nearly a month, though she did text to gloat her son got First...crap degree at a crap Uni so I wasn't as impressed as I could have been but said all the right things. I also haven't really seen my parents for ages...they did insist on coming when I was painting the panelling in the hall, even though I said 'no' as it wasn't convenient. I set dressed the hall to look even busier than I was...I was doing a final coat and touch up...and talked to them briefly outside the front door! I was proud of myself for sticking to my guns and I really did not want them traipsing through the house as I could absolutely guarantee one of them would have smudged the paint at least once. Mum phoned yesterday but talked to DP as I heard it was her and went straight upstairs to sit with DD ...so she sent me a passive aggressive email, which I deleted. I will be baseline polite but that's it. I really don't have the energy to focus on her which is what she wants.
Monday 5 June 2017
I'll be glad when this week is over
This week we have a General Election on Thursday and DS1 has his final year project assessed on Tuesday.
When the election was initially called the Conservatives had a massive lead...think 20%. Some Polls are now showing the Labour party to be only 1% behind. It looks as though we are back to two part politics as the Conservatives haven't lost many points but the Labour party have gained nearly 20%. Normally it wouldn't matter greatly as the difference between the two major parties isn't massive and wouldn't realistically affect us, but with Corbyn as Labour leader its catastrophic! He is a complete second rater who is antisemitic, misogynistic, a supporter of Terrorist groups such as the IRA and Hamas, is in favour of returning the country to the 70's in terms of union power and taxation and is also a massive hypocrite. As you can tell I am not a fan, though for some reason he is being lauded by large sections of the media and obviously plenty of people like him. I think he is like Trump and people are using him as a blank canvas and projecting what they want to believe onto him. Bemusing in both cases as the information about their real beliefs was out there. People just like to live in their own bubble I guess...also the fact Corbyn's initials are JC does seem to make him believe he is Messiah even if no one else actually believes that...though plenty seem to!
Corbyn's Shadow Cabinet...and potentially Cabinet...is full is total second raters as no one in the Labour Party in Parliament with any integrity or intelligence will serve with him, which says all that needs to be said about him, and people are still wanting to vote for him. Really scary!! We will know the worst on Friday. I have to say I'm really worried, especially as there have been three terrorist attacks in recent months and Corbyn and his bunch of incompetents could be tasked with keeping the country safe. Not a good prospect given how much Corbyn loves terrorists!!
DS1 is finally working on his project but realistically needs another couple of weeks to get everything finished. Its 100% his fault as he is incredibly lazy if he can get away with it and needs tight deadlines to keep him working. He is aware of this and really tried timetabling his work and sticking to it but, as with any major project, problems he hadn't foreseen kept cropping up and instead of working overtime to keep on target time-wise he just drifted a bit. Hence the massive panic now. Fingers crossed it all goes well and his assessment goes well. He had been wanting a First but I'm thinking its more likely to be a 2.2, which is what I got so it means I can tease him as I have been brutally teased by both DD and DS1 for the inadequacy of my degree.
Other than that its not a dreadful week DP is away until Tuesday night and then away again from the weekend for a week...in America with work, which he is insisting he won't enjoy! He is such a knob, okay if you go to America every other week with work I can see it getting dull but he's never been before and is unlikely to ever get their under his own steam so enjoy as much as you can. But he did the same last year when he went to Australia and was just so tediously boring and reckoned all he saw was hotels rooms and work...I think I'd have tried to get out a bit even if only to a supermarket or something.
He is then away again in June to France to see his Mum and sister...they are both unpleasant and I am very glad I get to avoid all contact with them. I have enough with my mum, who phoned yesterday to complain that when I'd phoned on Saturday she hadn't been able to hear me...she is relentlessly negative and unpleasant...anyway she ended the phone call by being offensive about DD basically her usual nastiness that she isn't really ill and would get better if she wanted to and was more positive. I put the phone down on her and will be too busy to pick up the phone if she calls back. DD has been incredibly poorly recently, massive amounts of pain and very limited energy. She is slowly coming round but its going to take time and I really do not need my mum to be a total bitch all the time and make it all about her.
I am obviously a bad person as so many people in my life are self absorbed and unpleasant, DP doesn't know when DD's birthday is and got the day wrong...and didn't get a card or present, or indeed wish her a happy birthday. Not that his behaviour was in any way unusual, he hasn't bought a birthday or Xmas present for any of the children in many years, or even asked what I've got them...something he used to do. I realised last year that my only contact with my DB was when I initiated contact so I left it to see how long it would take him to contact me. Its about 18 months and the answer is that he won't...its wasn't a proper relationship anyway as he wasn't really interested in anything to do with me or my life so I'm not exactly loosing anything. My DM is becoming increasingly rude as her boundaries crumble and she stops even pretending to pay lip service to good manners. I don't actually think she is getting ruder or more self absorbed I juts think her real nature is more visible and its not pretty. I don't have to actually go NC but I'll just be unavailable...or rather even more unavailable!
Update; well the election is over and the result was not good. The Conservatives ended up as the largest party but lost their majority. Corbyn seriously seems to believe he won...he did gain seats but from a historically low position and even with the support of every other non Conservative MP in the House he couldn't command a majority...that's not a win! The most depressing aspect of the whole mess is that we will probably have another election in a few months. Not good for DD who finds all the stress and anxiety really tiring...not to mention all the nastiness that floats around social media at elections demonizing anyone who might not want to vote Labour and worship socialism. Its mostly virtue signalling rather than any actual belief in the Labour Party but its hard to deal with and it makes DD extra exhausted and she struggles enough as it is.
We should find out DS1's degree grade by the end of the month...I'm hoping he did well but I'm not really expecting it if I'm honest.
Update 2: Well DS1 did really well and got a 2.1. I'm really pleased as its a prestigious university and a world class course so they don't need to inflate the grades to justify the fees. Grade inflation is a real problem in second rate unis and ex-polys as can be seen by the first J's son got, He is a degree in the sociology of education at an ex-poly...not a real degree and I imagine LOTS of firsts were awarded. I congratulated her and didn't anything bitchy but I thought it!!
When the election was initially called the Conservatives had a massive lead...think 20%. Some Polls are now showing the Labour party to be only 1% behind. It looks as though we are back to two part politics as the Conservatives haven't lost many points but the Labour party have gained nearly 20%. Normally it wouldn't matter greatly as the difference between the two major parties isn't massive and wouldn't realistically affect us, but with Corbyn as Labour leader its catastrophic! He is a complete second rater who is antisemitic, misogynistic, a supporter of Terrorist groups such as the IRA and Hamas, is in favour of returning the country to the 70's in terms of union power and taxation and is also a massive hypocrite. As you can tell I am not a fan, though for some reason he is being lauded by large sections of the media and obviously plenty of people like him. I think he is like Trump and people are using him as a blank canvas and projecting what they want to believe onto him. Bemusing in both cases as the information about their real beliefs was out there. People just like to live in their own bubble I guess...also the fact Corbyn's initials are JC does seem to make him believe he is Messiah even if no one else actually believes that...though plenty seem to!
Corbyn's Shadow Cabinet...and potentially Cabinet...is full is total second raters as no one in the Labour Party in Parliament with any integrity or intelligence will serve with him, which says all that needs to be said about him, and people are still wanting to vote for him. Really scary!! We will know the worst on Friday. I have to say I'm really worried, especially as there have been three terrorist attacks in recent months and Corbyn and his bunch of incompetents could be tasked with keeping the country safe. Not a good prospect given how much Corbyn loves terrorists!!
DS1 is finally working on his project but realistically needs another couple of weeks to get everything finished. Its 100% his fault as he is incredibly lazy if he can get away with it and needs tight deadlines to keep him working. He is aware of this and really tried timetabling his work and sticking to it but, as with any major project, problems he hadn't foreseen kept cropping up and instead of working overtime to keep on target time-wise he just drifted a bit. Hence the massive panic now. Fingers crossed it all goes well and his assessment goes well. He had been wanting a First but I'm thinking its more likely to be a 2.2, which is what I got so it means I can tease him as I have been brutally teased by both DD and DS1 for the inadequacy of my degree.
Other than that its not a dreadful week DP is away until Tuesday night and then away again from the weekend for a week...in America with work, which he is insisting he won't enjoy! He is such a knob, okay if you go to America every other week with work I can see it getting dull but he's never been before and is unlikely to ever get their under his own steam so enjoy as much as you can. But he did the same last year when he went to Australia and was just so tediously boring and reckoned all he saw was hotels rooms and work...I think I'd have tried to get out a bit even if only to a supermarket or something.
He is then away again in June to France to see his Mum and sister...they are both unpleasant and I am very glad I get to avoid all contact with them. I have enough with my mum, who phoned yesterday to complain that when I'd phoned on Saturday she hadn't been able to hear me...she is relentlessly negative and unpleasant...anyway she ended the phone call by being offensive about DD basically her usual nastiness that she isn't really ill and would get better if she wanted to and was more positive. I put the phone down on her and will be too busy to pick up the phone if she calls back. DD has been incredibly poorly recently, massive amounts of pain and very limited energy. She is slowly coming round but its going to take time and I really do not need my mum to be a total bitch all the time and make it all about her.
I am obviously a bad person as so many people in my life are self absorbed and unpleasant, DP doesn't know when DD's birthday is and got the day wrong...and didn't get a card or present, or indeed wish her a happy birthday. Not that his behaviour was in any way unusual, he hasn't bought a birthday or Xmas present for any of the children in many years, or even asked what I've got them...something he used to do. I realised last year that my only contact with my DB was when I initiated contact so I left it to see how long it would take him to contact me. Its about 18 months and the answer is that he won't...its wasn't a proper relationship anyway as he wasn't really interested in anything to do with me or my life so I'm not exactly loosing anything. My DM is becoming increasingly rude as her boundaries crumble and she stops even pretending to pay lip service to good manners. I don't actually think she is getting ruder or more self absorbed I juts think her real nature is more visible and its not pretty. I don't have to actually go NC but I'll just be unavailable...or rather even more unavailable!
Update; well the election is over and the result was not good. The Conservatives ended up as the largest party but lost their majority. Corbyn seriously seems to believe he won...he did gain seats but from a historically low position and even with the support of every other non Conservative MP in the House he couldn't command a majority...that's not a win! The most depressing aspect of the whole mess is that we will probably have another election in a few months. Not good for DD who finds all the stress and anxiety really tiring...not to mention all the nastiness that floats around social media at elections demonizing anyone who might not want to vote Labour and worship socialism. Its mostly virtue signalling rather than any actual belief in the Labour Party but its hard to deal with and it makes DD extra exhausted and she struggles enough as it is.
We should find out DS1's degree grade by the end of the month...I'm hoping he did well but I'm not really expecting it if I'm honest.
Update 2: Well DS1 did really well and got a 2.1. I'm really pleased as its a prestigious university and a world class course so they don't need to inflate the grades to justify the fees. Grade inflation is a real problem in second rate unis and ex-polys as can be seen by the first J's son got, He is a degree in the sociology of education at an ex-poly...not a real degree and I imagine LOTS of firsts were awarded. I congratulated her and didn't anything bitchy but I thought it!!
Saturday 13 May 2017
Life goes on.
Well its already May and DS2 will soon be 19, still no signs of growing up but I live in hope. He is being extremely hard work at the moment, lots of aggression towards DD and lots of stupid behaviour towards girls. One girl in particular, who has zero self esteem so will put up with any kind of controlling behaviour from DS2 as the price of keeping him as her 'boyfriend'. Not healthy for either of them, in the end I have just had to cut off all contact outside college between them as neither of them would listen to anything I said about appropriate behaviour. He is seeing a psychologist who will, fingers crossed, help him get a handle on some of his behaviour.
DS1 is in the last couple of weeks of his course and still has masses of work to do...he was warned and I have offered to help repeatedly but he is an idle toe rag. He won't get the class of degree he wants and to be honest he doesn't deserve it. He just isn't prepared to do the work...I'm still hopeful he'll get a job of some sort in the near future because I don't want him back in Leeds long term. I am looking forward to him being around over the summer and have a massive list of jobs I need doing...basically I want the entire house decorating while I still have him around, but I really don't want him still living here by the end of the year. I suppose I shouldn't expect him to be more proactive...I was utterly lazy at his age and did minimal work but its so annoying to see.
DD is starting to do embroidery...after spending a HUGE amount of money on card making supplies and then water colour equipment I do sometimes get a little overwhelmed when she takes up a new hobby...they are all so expensive. But I can see why she finds embroidery so much easier then either card making or water colour. For a start she needs less support as she can have everything she needs easily to hand and so she doesn't need anyone around to pass her stuff. Also its not as tiring to do as its lighter. Mostly though I'm pleased she can still find activities that make her day easier.
DD is continuing to deteriorate and has been very emotionally fragile this year which is hard to live with. She has started to control her eating which is good as she topped the scales at 20 stone...not good for her at all. The weight is not coming off easily but any reduction is good and being a bit more in control seems to be helping her emotional state. Its also reducing her pulse rate quite markedly which is odd but hopefully a good sign.
I had stomach 'flu which meant I was out of action for 2-3 days and limited ability to do stuff for another day or so. DD was a star and made sure DS2 was fed and looked after him while I was out of action. DP had to take a couple of days off work as DS2 needed to be taken to two appointments but that's all he did...he really is beyond useless. I was throwing up blood...not a good sign and he was too self absorbed and selfish to take me to A&E or even pretend to care. The only support I got was from DD, who pushed herself way too hard but had no choice, and DS2 who was quite scared the first day but then got bored. I got up and did stuff...like laundry...from the second day as no one else was going to do anything and it needed doing. If I had any emotions left for DP I would despise him but he is too insignificant in my life for me to have any emotions for him at all.
DB was going to see my parents after Easter...DM was on the phone telling me all about it. I am supposed to care according to her script. Anyway she finally got round to phoning me yesterday to tell me all about it...I am fully aware I was supposed to phone her panting for an update but honestly I couldn't give a damn and the phones work just fine both ways. So I waited her out and she cracked first and phoned me. She was obviously not happy that DB and DF had spoken to each other WITHOUT HER THERE...how dare they! Anyway it looks as though DB is packing in his teaching job and will presumably look for something else. Luckily his wife works so he won't starve. Don't know what it is about the boys/males in my family but they are all lazy and moderately pathetic. I keep telling myself its not my responsibility to sort any of it out...not even DS1.
There is going to be a General Election on 8th June and with my sterling reputation as a political expert I will make another prediction...I think the Conservatives will win...that's a no brainer, even Labour think the Conservatives will win...but I don't think Labour will loose as many seats as is predicted. Basically I think Labour seats are mostly such rotten boroughs that a pig in a red rosette could stand and people would vote for it. Come to think of it a choice between a pig and most Labour MPs and I'd vote for the pig!
Given my history predicting election results...a 100% failure rate...I am now expecting Labour to win! Hopefully not as Corbyn is unmitigated disaster, you just need to look at the people who are in his Cabinet to know he is a complete second, or even third rater!
DS1 is in the last couple of weeks of his course and still has masses of work to do...he was warned and I have offered to help repeatedly but he is an idle toe rag. He won't get the class of degree he wants and to be honest he doesn't deserve it. He just isn't prepared to do the work...I'm still hopeful he'll get a job of some sort in the near future because I don't want him back in Leeds long term. I am looking forward to him being around over the summer and have a massive list of jobs I need doing...basically I want the entire house decorating while I still have him around, but I really don't want him still living here by the end of the year. I suppose I shouldn't expect him to be more proactive...I was utterly lazy at his age and did minimal work but its so annoying to see.
DD is starting to do embroidery...after spending a HUGE amount of money on card making supplies and then water colour equipment I do sometimes get a little overwhelmed when she takes up a new hobby...they are all so expensive. But I can see why she finds embroidery so much easier then either card making or water colour. For a start she needs less support as she can have everything she needs easily to hand and so she doesn't need anyone around to pass her stuff. Also its not as tiring to do as its lighter. Mostly though I'm pleased she can still find activities that make her day easier.
DD is continuing to deteriorate and has been very emotionally fragile this year which is hard to live with. She has started to control her eating which is good as she topped the scales at 20 stone...not good for her at all. The weight is not coming off easily but any reduction is good and being a bit more in control seems to be helping her emotional state. Its also reducing her pulse rate quite markedly which is odd but hopefully a good sign.
I had stomach 'flu which meant I was out of action for 2-3 days and limited ability to do stuff for another day or so. DD was a star and made sure DS2 was fed and looked after him while I was out of action. DP had to take a couple of days off work as DS2 needed to be taken to two appointments but that's all he did...he really is beyond useless. I was throwing up blood...not a good sign and he was too self absorbed and selfish to take me to A&E or even pretend to care. The only support I got was from DD, who pushed herself way too hard but had no choice, and DS2 who was quite scared the first day but then got bored. I got up and did stuff...like laundry...from the second day as no one else was going to do anything and it needed doing. If I had any emotions left for DP I would despise him but he is too insignificant in my life for me to have any emotions for him at all.
DB was going to see my parents after Easter...DM was on the phone telling me all about it. I am supposed to care according to her script. Anyway she finally got round to phoning me yesterday to tell me all about it...I am fully aware I was supposed to phone her panting for an update but honestly I couldn't give a damn and the phones work just fine both ways. So I waited her out and she cracked first and phoned me. She was obviously not happy that DB and DF had spoken to each other WITHOUT HER THERE...how dare they! Anyway it looks as though DB is packing in his teaching job and will presumably look for something else. Luckily his wife works so he won't starve. Don't know what it is about the boys/males in my family but they are all lazy and moderately pathetic. I keep telling myself its not my responsibility to sort any of it out...not even DS1.
There is going to be a General Election on 8th June and with my sterling reputation as a political expert I will make another prediction...I think the Conservatives will win...that's a no brainer, even Labour think the Conservatives will win...but I don't think Labour will loose as many seats as is predicted. Basically I think Labour seats are mostly such rotten boroughs that a pig in a red rosette could stand and people would vote for it. Come to think of it a choice between a pig and most Labour MPs and I'd vote for the pig!
Given my history predicting election results...a 100% failure rate...I am now expecting Labour to win! Hopefully not as Corbyn is unmitigated disaster, you just need to look at the people who are in his Cabinet to know he is a complete second, or even third rater!
Saturday 8 April 2017
The Easter holidays and a new computer
DS1 has already been back to Leeds for a few days and then returned to London. Not to work but to go on Rugby 'tour'...i.e. a week long excuse for excessive drinking in Croatia. He will have had fun I'm sure and hopefully his 'tour flu' won't be a severe as last years! While he was home he got all his puppet bodies accessorized so they look like people and more professional than just sock puppets. To say he'd been making the bodies for an entire term I'm not sure what he'd done because they looked very rudimentary. Anyway DD worked incredibly hard...way beyond her energy levels and beyond what was safe for her health...but she sorted the bodies and with the help of hot glue and a lot of talent she made the bodies look awesome. The Devil was my particular favorite, by the time DD had finished he looked like a cheesy 70's game show host. I contributed by spending vast sums of money on all sorts or bits and pieces needed for glamming up the bodies - also getting DS1 a suit, a new summer jacket, some T shirts etc etc...he is an expensive hobby!! I also did a lot of hand sewing, not my favourite activity but it needed doing. I had to make skirt for Judy and a shawl and various other bits and pieces like legs and so on. It was hard work but had to be done and with the best will in the world DS1 couldn't have made the bodies look as professional and 'finished' as they did by the time we'd sorted them. Left to himself they would have looked very amateur and he can't do that with his final project.
He also had some written work that needed sorting and we made a good start on it but that can be finished over skype once he's over his 'flu'.
Anyway while DS1 was home he was using the computer and realised just how old and slow its got...I'd just got used to it I suppose. Anyway replacing it was already on the list of jobs we were saving for so it got moved to the top of the list and we ordered it there and then. I am still getting used to the new computer and the new operating systems. I'm not loving the new stuff yet but I'm sure I'll get used to it all in time. The new keyboard is causing my typing even more problems than usual but it'll get easier in a week or two I'm sure...I keep telling myself that!
DD is really not well at all, she pushed herself way too hard when DS1 was at home and suffered the expected flare. The problem is that her flares are so severe now and the levels of pain just keep increasing. She is also more emotionally unstable than she has ever been, even in the worst days of her depression- and those days were hard. It means I spend a lot of my day having to offer her intensive emotional support which is draining and means I get very little time to myself to do anything ...even reading doesn't happen some days and I've only managed to get to the gym once in about a month. Ok some of that was DS1 needed lots of stuff doing while he was in Leeds but its also because DD just can't be left on her own.
I'm also having my parents sulking because I can't be there for them. I can kind of understand, DF had a cataract operation and I phoned and sent a card but couldn't visit and didn't visit for his birthday, or Mothers Day a far more heinous crime as far a DM is concerned! But they really just don't/won't understand just how poorly DD is and that I simply can't leave her on her own for a whole day...or even half a day to go and see them. Also, lets be honest, DD even at her most demanding and emotionally unstable, is better and more rewarding company than my parents. I have no conversation with either of them and I seriously don't think either of them actually hears me when I speak because they both speak over me all the time. They also don't listen to each other because they both tell me the same stories, separately and both boringly! So its no wonder I don't rush over to see them at every opportunity. I imagine they will come over and see me at some stage soon...DS2 has already said he'll be out or in his room .He finds them as dull as I do. I'll just have to hope DP is home...not something I say often...at least if he's here he can soak up half the conversation and run interference for me.
DS2 is on his Easter holidays now and is veering between being foul and being fine. He is being particularly nasty to Renata which is worrying He is also being very nasty to DD ...telling he wishes she was dead and all that kind of nastiness. There may be reasons but I don't care he can't behave that way.
Other than that I'm enjoying the sunshine...its been grey for too long. The rat problem is still current unfortunately but doesn't seem as large an issue. The Council is working to sort the issue but there is no quick fix unfortunately so we will just have to be patient and hope its all cleared by next winter so nothing is induced to look for warmer lodgings in our house...or next door which would sound dreadful and be nearly as bad in the keeping me awake listening stakes!
He also had some written work that needed sorting and we made a good start on it but that can be finished over skype once he's over his 'flu'.
Anyway while DS1 was home he was using the computer and realised just how old and slow its got...I'd just got used to it I suppose. Anyway replacing it was already on the list of jobs we were saving for so it got moved to the top of the list and we ordered it there and then. I am still getting used to the new computer and the new operating systems. I'm not loving the new stuff yet but I'm sure I'll get used to it all in time. The new keyboard is causing my typing even more problems than usual but it'll get easier in a week or two I'm sure...I keep telling myself that!
DD is really not well at all, she pushed herself way too hard when DS1 was at home and suffered the expected flare. The problem is that her flares are so severe now and the levels of pain just keep increasing. She is also more emotionally unstable than she has ever been, even in the worst days of her depression- and those days were hard. It means I spend a lot of my day having to offer her intensive emotional support which is draining and means I get very little time to myself to do anything ...even reading doesn't happen some days and I've only managed to get to the gym once in about a month. Ok some of that was DS1 needed lots of stuff doing while he was in Leeds but its also because DD just can't be left on her own.
I'm also having my parents sulking because I can't be there for them. I can kind of understand, DF had a cataract operation and I phoned and sent a card but couldn't visit and didn't visit for his birthday, or Mothers Day a far more heinous crime as far a DM is concerned! But they really just don't/won't understand just how poorly DD is and that I simply can't leave her on her own for a whole day...or even half a day to go and see them. Also, lets be honest, DD even at her most demanding and emotionally unstable, is better and more rewarding company than my parents. I have no conversation with either of them and I seriously don't think either of them actually hears me when I speak because they both speak over me all the time. They also don't listen to each other because they both tell me the same stories, separately and both boringly! So its no wonder I don't rush over to see them at every opportunity. I imagine they will come over and see me at some stage soon...DS2 has already said he'll be out or in his room .He finds them as dull as I do. I'll just have to hope DP is home...not something I say often...at least if he's here he can soak up half the conversation and run interference for me.
DS2 is on his Easter holidays now and is veering between being foul and being fine. He is being particularly nasty to Renata which is worrying He is also being very nasty to DD ...telling he wishes she was dead and all that kind of nastiness. There may be reasons but I don't care he can't behave that way.
Other than that I'm enjoying the sunshine...its been grey for too long. The rat problem is still current unfortunately but doesn't seem as large an issue. The Council is working to sort the issue but there is no quick fix unfortunately so we will just have to be patient and hope its all cleared by next winter so nothing is induced to look for warmer lodgings in our house...or next door which would sound dreadful and be nearly as bad in the keeping me awake listening stakes!
Friday 17 February 2017
February already
Its been half term for DS2 this week so he's been home all week. He would have been out on his bike occasionally but was far too scared to go out into the back yard as we've had a rat wandering around and to be fair I've not gone out either.
Two pest control people have been out to try and sort the problem. The second lot took one look at the bird feeder and said it had to go as no self respecting rat would eat poisoned bait while there was so much other food available. I had been surprised when the first guy said the bird feeders were no problem. It didn't please me to stop feeding the birds but worth it if we finally get rid of our VERY unwanted visitor.
We are hoping it has finally pissed off, hopefully dead, as on one's seen it for a few days now. I'm not putting the bird food out yet though, just in case. I have to say I do feel incredibly guilty about not feeding the birds, they do visit the bird feeder in vast hoards and I feel responsible for them. But I did explain to them that if they were less messy there wouldn't be so much food around and they wouldn't attracting unwanted visitors to eat the food. Not sure they understood but I did explain!
Other than that we got our cat, Renata named after a character in a favourite book of DD's The Magicians of Caprona. Renata is a very affectionate cat and is really good for DD, seems to have made a massive difference to her depression which is such good news. Unfortunately DD is still in massive amounts of pain and struggling to cope. She has been flaring for a few weeks now which isn't a good sign at all. Not helped by a problem with her wheelchair which was out of commission for a couple of weeks when it died, it turned out to be a fuse so not a majorly expensive problem.
DD has managed to get to her water colour classes and has found then beyond exhausting but she really enjoys them and is getting a lot of satisfaction from the work she does. The class is on a Thursday morning and is full of the sorts of retired ladies who used to be in the YAS when I worked there many, many years ago. They are nice ladies and its a real shame I have to stay and support DD as they'd chat to her if I wasn't there and she'd enjoy them. But there is no way I could leave her even for a bit, she really is struggling to cope and needs me there, focused on her all the time.
I can see I am using this post as a sort of diary to record what's happening in my life. Well its as good a use of my time as anything else.
DS1 has been off uni for a couple of weeks with a severe cold, he was struggling to breath and obviously felt crap. Its one of those times when I would have loved to be able to go and look after him, but he's too far away. I did offer him a train ticket home for a few days or even ending his dad to collect him, but DS1 declined...he didn't feel THAT poorly, but he did agree he'd not have objected to being home and looked after while he was ill. He is, finally, much better but its been a long old business. Hopefully next week he can get back to working on his final year project, he really doesn't need to fall behind schedule with that.
I've not managed to get to the gym for a few weeks as DD has just been too poorly to leave and when she has been able to cope there have been appointments or meetings so I've had to stay home. I am very much hoping I can get back to normal next week as I really miss exercising...not a phrase I ever thought I'd say! I've also put on a pile of weight since the start of the year but will go back to sensible eating as soon as half term is over...the year has not been easy and eating a pile of rubbish has definitely helped me cope.
Other than that my parents came over for brief visit last week. DP was working from home that day which made the visit easier as he could soak up half the conversation. My parents both carried on separate conversations simultaneously...they neither of them listen to each other. My dad does at least attempt to listen but is deaf, my mum is also deaf though would never acknowledge she was and is also incredibly rude and self centred and just doesn't bother with other people, other than to shout at my dad all the time. She is not good company.
She was in hospital briefly the week or so before...she'd got a cold and was coughing and made her chest sore...we've all been there. Anyway she made such a fuss about all the pain she was in...in the middle of the night...that my dad phoned the emergency doctor number and an ambulance was sent to check it wasn't a heart attack. She was taken to hospital where it was determined she'd not had a heart attack. As I had no intention of visiting I sent some flowers, narcissi which DD thought highly appropriate...anyway when I phoned to check how mum was she was telling me about the flowers and that she has shouted at my dad because he'd said 'you have some flowers from your daughter'. She was cross because as she said 'they might have been from your brother'. She is batshit and has lost any sense of appropriate boundaries...she had no conception that telling me that she was cross because the flowers came from me not my brother might just be considered rude.
Unfortunately she will last for years yet in spite of her continued 'ill health'. She is patently less than happy that I don't go and visit and that DD and DS1 don't put on a show of being doting grandchildren. Well its not going to happen, DD and DS1 are both adults and have no liking for their GMA. DD is way too poorly to visit and not well enough to provide a floor show for DM when she comes to visit, even assuming DM could be trusted not to be crashingly rude, something DD is far to emotionally fragile to cope with. DS1 is just too busy and is getting on with his life...hopefully this summer once he's finished his degree he'll get a job and move out from here. My DM has some fairy tale vision in her head of what her life is supposed to be like and adoring grandchildren and fawning daughter obviously feature...well its not real and its not going to happen. You reap what you sow and she has been nasty and rude to DD far too often, so no. my children do not adore or even like you. DS1 won't commit to going to her funeral and DD is way too poorly to attend, even assuming she doesn't die first. If that happens DM will have the shock of her life as she won't be told until after the funeral that DD has even died. DD is VERY clear about who she will allow at her funeral and it doesn't include anyone except DS1 and DS2 and me...there will be a lot of people who will be very unhappy....I will take great pleasure in telling them why! If they have no relationship with her alive why should they get to enjoy the drama of playing grieving relative at a funeral.
Anyway I am hoping the year improves...it will get warmer which will be good even if nothing else gets noticeably better.
Two pest control people have been out to try and sort the problem. The second lot took one look at the bird feeder and said it had to go as no self respecting rat would eat poisoned bait while there was so much other food available. I had been surprised when the first guy said the bird feeders were no problem. It didn't please me to stop feeding the birds but worth it if we finally get rid of our VERY unwanted visitor.
We are hoping it has finally pissed off, hopefully dead, as on one's seen it for a few days now. I'm not putting the bird food out yet though, just in case. I have to say I do feel incredibly guilty about not feeding the birds, they do visit the bird feeder in vast hoards and I feel responsible for them. But I did explain to them that if they were less messy there wouldn't be so much food around and they wouldn't attracting unwanted visitors to eat the food. Not sure they understood but I did explain!
Other than that we got our cat, Renata named after a character in a favourite book of DD's The Magicians of Caprona. Renata is a very affectionate cat and is really good for DD, seems to have made a massive difference to her depression which is such good news. Unfortunately DD is still in massive amounts of pain and struggling to cope. She has been flaring for a few weeks now which isn't a good sign at all. Not helped by a problem with her wheelchair which was out of commission for a couple of weeks when it died, it turned out to be a fuse so not a majorly expensive problem.
DD has managed to get to her water colour classes and has found then beyond exhausting but she really enjoys them and is getting a lot of satisfaction from the work she does. The class is on a Thursday morning and is full of the sorts of retired ladies who used to be in the YAS when I worked there many, many years ago. They are nice ladies and its a real shame I have to stay and support DD as they'd chat to her if I wasn't there and she'd enjoy them. But there is no way I could leave her even for a bit, she really is struggling to cope and needs me there, focused on her all the time.
I can see I am using this post as a sort of diary to record what's happening in my life. Well its as good a use of my time as anything else.
DS1 has been off uni for a couple of weeks with a severe cold, he was struggling to breath and obviously felt crap. Its one of those times when I would have loved to be able to go and look after him, but he's too far away. I did offer him a train ticket home for a few days or even ending his dad to collect him, but DS1 declined...he didn't feel THAT poorly, but he did agree he'd not have objected to being home and looked after while he was ill. He is, finally, much better but its been a long old business. Hopefully next week he can get back to working on his final year project, he really doesn't need to fall behind schedule with that.
I've not managed to get to the gym for a few weeks as DD has just been too poorly to leave and when she has been able to cope there have been appointments or meetings so I've had to stay home. I am very much hoping I can get back to normal next week as I really miss exercising...not a phrase I ever thought I'd say! I've also put on a pile of weight since the start of the year but will go back to sensible eating as soon as half term is over...the year has not been easy and eating a pile of rubbish has definitely helped me cope.
Other than that my parents came over for brief visit last week. DP was working from home that day which made the visit easier as he could soak up half the conversation. My parents both carried on separate conversations simultaneously...they neither of them listen to each other. My dad does at least attempt to listen but is deaf, my mum is also deaf though would never acknowledge she was and is also incredibly rude and self centred and just doesn't bother with other people, other than to shout at my dad all the time. She is not good company.
She was in hospital briefly the week or so before...she'd got a cold and was coughing and made her chest sore...we've all been there. Anyway she made such a fuss about all the pain she was in...in the middle of the night...that my dad phoned the emergency doctor number and an ambulance was sent to check it wasn't a heart attack. She was taken to hospital where it was determined she'd not had a heart attack. As I had no intention of visiting I sent some flowers, narcissi which DD thought highly appropriate...anyway when I phoned to check how mum was she was telling me about the flowers and that she has shouted at my dad because he'd said 'you have some flowers from your daughter'. She was cross because as she said 'they might have been from your brother'. She is batshit and has lost any sense of appropriate boundaries...she had no conception that telling me that she was cross because the flowers came from me not my brother might just be considered rude.
Unfortunately she will last for years yet in spite of her continued 'ill health'. She is patently less than happy that I don't go and visit and that DD and DS1 don't put on a show of being doting grandchildren. Well its not going to happen, DD and DS1 are both adults and have no liking for their GMA. DD is way too poorly to visit and not well enough to provide a floor show for DM when she comes to visit, even assuming DM could be trusted not to be crashingly rude, something DD is far to emotionally fragile to cope with. DS1 is just too busy and is getting on with his life...hopefully this summer once he's finished his degree he'll get a job and move out from here. My DM has some fairy tale vision in her head of what her life is supposed to be like and adoring grandchildren and fawning daughter obviously feature...well its not real and its not going to happen. You reap what you sow and she has been nasty and rude to DD far too often, so no. my children do not adore or even like you. DS1 won't commit to going to her funeral and DD is way too poorly to attend, even assuming she doesn't die first. If that happens DM will have the shock of her life as she won't be told until after the funeral that DD has even died. DD is VERY clear about who she will allow at her funeral and it doesn't include anyone except DS1 and DS2 and me...there will be a lot of people who will be very unhappy....I will take great pleasure in telling them why! If they have no relationship with her alive why should they get to enjoy the drama of playing grieving relative at a funeral.
Anyway I am hoping the year improves...it will get warmer which will be good even if nothing else gets noticeably better.
Tuesday 17 January 2017
January and the start of a new year
Well we managed to survive Christmas. To be honest it was a good Christmas by the admittedly low standards that operate in this house. We ordered all the food and got the turkey and all those trimmings on the Wednesday before Christmas and as we didn't have a lot of space in the fridge decided to cook it that day. It was an amazing turkey, definitely the best I've ever eaten. Also DP was still in work that day so we managed to eat in peace and quiet before he got home which defiantly made it all better. The rest of the holidays it was mostly eat what's in the fridge and organize any extras you want yourself...it worked for me and no one complained.
DD flared the whole Xmas period and it still coping with the aftermath now. She did get some pain meds that helped with her spine pain, weirdly the doctor prescribed them when I went in for my check up...talk about twisted. The doctor asked how things were and I mentioned in some detail, but when DD has been in and asked for pain meds she gets nothing...life is strange. Obviously she still had all the other pain but any help was good as she is in massive pain at the moment. With DD flaring and being in her room all the time we opened Xmas presents in her room away from DP which worked well and everyone seemed pleased with what they got.
DP, DS1 and DS2 went over to my parents just after Xmas for the obligatory visit when my DB turns up. DD was way too ill to be left with her brother so I got a 'get out of jail' card and stayed home with her. She came down and we watched films together and had a lovely day. Those who had to go to Malton didn't have a great day but survived...DS2 came back with the remnants of a log cabin made out of stale chocolate finger biscuits...DM had mentioned it more than once on the phone and was obviously really impressed with herself for making it. Not sure why, it wasn't really edible and didn't look that amazing. God I am a bitch and really don't like DM!
The rest of the holidays were taken up helping DS1 sort his dissertation, I know more about Punch and Judy than I ever wanted to...even now I am dreaming about the dammed essay and rewriting it in my sleep! Anyway it all got finished, just, and is handed in so good or bad its out of our hands. DS1 had hoped to make the bodies for his puppets but that was realistically never going to happen so he took all the material and other bits and pieces and the sewing machine and he will have to make them in London. He'll sort it because he has no other option really.
After Xmas DD started really finding it impossible to fight off her depression anymore. She was tired and in pain and the depression was overwhelming. It made her hard to be around and she was constantly wailing about being worthless and needing MASSIVE amounts of emotional support. Poor kid my heart bled for her but she couldn't hear anything except the depression. Anyway she fought really hard and found herself a watercolour class at Swarthmore she could do and organized adopting an adult cat. We haven't got the cat yet but she should be coming soon and will, hopefully help DD especially on days like today when she is stuck in her room.
DS2 is finally getting some help to sort all the problems he is getting because of his past. At the moment he is fighting hard against stuff leaking out from his past. The way that's worked for him in the past is to distract madly, which he is doing, but it doesn't work anymore. Plus it doesn't help him at College when he's fidgeting ALL the time to stop himself thinking. Hopefully he can also work through his gender confusion and so being so intent on hiding all the time...I wouldn't care if it made him happy but it doesn't. I can see it being a long journey but this time as we are paying he take all the time he needs.
DP is being a twat, as always, this time about the new cars they are being offered by work. He keeps talking at me which is annoying but as I don't even need to pretend I'm listening its not a massive problem for me. I realised today that one of the reason's I don't use the blog as much as I used to, or write the reams of stuff I still have in a drawer upstairs, is that he takes up so little of the space in my head. Basically he is an after thought, if a thought at all. Sad for him but makes my life easier. He doesn't really figure in DD or DS's lives either... a sad epitaph for someone who would rate himself as a perfect father.
Anyway hopefully this year will see DS1 finish his degree and get a job he likes. A girlfriend would be good as then I could leave him to his life and have one child as a finished project. I would like DD in less pain and with more energy...hopefully that will happen as she emerges from her flare. DS2 can calm down an bit and breath occasionally, that would be good. DP can die in an accident caused by some wealthy company's gross negligence so I get a large stack of cash as compensation...that would be good. Or he could just leave for whatever reason, I'd find it hard to cope without the cash but we'd manage. DM can finally die and put us all out of her misery, ain't going to happen she will outlive us all getting more miserable and depressing every day. For me I'd like to be able to go to the gym regularly, not been easy so far this year as I've been busy and DD has needed support. I'd also finally like to get below 12 stone...don't really see it happening but I'd like to see it, if only briefly!
Update: after Xmas I had a phone call from DM who didn't say any of the rude unpleasant things we'd written down so we could play 'unpleasant relative bingo'. What she did say was even stranger...DS1 has spent a lot of the day in the living room looking after DS2...my parents house is terminally dull for DS2 even when stuff is taken to keep him occupied. Anyway DS1 was being kind while DP soaked up attention in the kitchen with my parents. DB was also in the living room, I imagine keeping out of mums way. According to DS1 the conversation between them was superficial and bland...BUT my mum was obviously eaten up with jealousy that someone was speaking to her precious baby...DB...without her there to make sure the conversation was about her or at least involved her. Anyway when she phoned she told be...absolutely straight faced that she HADN'T interrogated them about what they talked about! Talk about strange!
DD flared the whole Xmas period and it still coping with the aftermath now. She did get some pain meds that helped with her spine pain, weirdly the doctor prescribed them when I went in for my check up...talk about twisted. The doctor asked how things were and I mentioned in some detail, but when DD has been in and asked for pain meds she gets nothing...life is strange. Obviously she still had all the other pain but any help was good as she is in massive pain at the moment. With DD flaring and being in her room all the time we opened Xmas presents in her room away from DP which worked well and everyone seemed pleased with what they got.
DP, DS1 and DS2 went over to my parents just after Xmas for the obligatory visit when my DB turns up. DD was way too ill to be left with her brother so I got a 'get out of jail' card and stayed home with her. She came down and we watched films together and had a lovely day. Those who had to go to Malton didn't have a great day but survived...DS2 came back with the remnants of a log cabin made out of stale chocolate finger biscuits...DM had mentioned it more than once on the phone and was obviously really impressed with herself for making it. Not sure why, it wasn't really edible and didn't look that amazing. God I am a bitch and really don't like DM!
The rest of the holidays were taken up helping DS1 sort his dissertation, I know more about Punch and Judy than I ever wanted to...even now I am dreaming about the dammed essay and rewriting it in my sleep! Anyway it all got finished, just, and is handed in so good or bad its out of our hands. DS1 had hoped to make the bodies for his puppets but that was realistically never going to happen so he took all the material and other bits and pieces and the sewing machine and he will have to make them in London. He'll sort it because he has no other option really.
After Xmas DD started really finding it impossible to fight off her depression anymore. She was tired and in pain and the depression was overwhelming. It made her hard to be around and she was constantly wailing about being worthless and needing MASSIVE amounts of emotional support. Poor kid my heart bled for her but she couldn't hear anything except the depression. Anyway she fought really hard and found herself a watercolour class at Swarthmore she could do and organized adopting an adult cat. We haven't got the cat yet but she should be coming soon and will, hopefully help DD especially on days like today when she is stuck in her room.
DS2 is finally getting some help to sort all the problems he is getting because of his past. At the moment he is fighting hard against stuff leaking out from his past. The way that's worked for him in the past is to distract madly, which he is doing, but it doesn't work anymore. Plus it doesn't help him at College when he's fidgeting ALL the time to stop himself thinking. Hopefully he can also work through his gender confusion and so being so intent on hiding all the time...I wouldn't care if it made him happy but it doesn't. I can see it being a long journey but this time as we are paying he take all the time he needs.
DP is being a twat, as always, this time about the new cars they are being offered by work. He keeps talking at me which is annoying but as I don't even need to pretend I'm listening its not a massive problem for me. I realised today that one of the reason's I don't use the blog as much as I used to, or write the reams of stuff I still have in a drawer upstairs, is that he takes up so little of the space in my head. Basically he is an after thought, if a thought at all. Sad for him but makes my life easier. He doesn't really figure in DD or DS's lives either... a sad epitaph for someone who would rate himself as a perfect father.
Anyway hopefully this year will see DS1 finish his degree and get a job he likes. A girlfriend would be good as then I could leave him to his life and have one child as a finished project. I would like DD in less pain and with more energy...hopefully that will happen as she emerges from her flare. DS2 can calm down an bit and breath occasionally, that would be good. DP can die in an accident caused by some wealthy company's gross negligence so I get a large stack of cash as compensation...that would be good. Or he could just leave for whatever reason, I'd find it hard to cope without the cash but we'd manage. DM can finally die and put us all out of her misery, ain't going to happen she will outlive us all getting more miserable and depressing every day. For me I'd like to be able to go to the gym regularly, not been easy so far this year as I've been busy and DD has needed support. I'd also finally like to get below 12 stone...don't really see it happening but I'd like to see it, if only briefly!
Update: after Xmas I had a phone call from DM who didn't say any of the rude unpleasant things we'd written down so we could play 'unpleasant relative bingo'. What she did say was even stranger...DS1 has spent a lot of the day in the living room looking after DS2...my parents house is terminally dull for DS2 even when stuff is taken to keep him occupied. Anyway DS1 was being kind while DP soaked up attention in the kitchen with my parents. DB was also in the living room, I imagine keeping out of mums way. According to DS1 the conversation between them was superficial and bland...BUT my mum was obviously eaten up with jealousy that someone was speaking to her precious baby...DB...without her there to make sure the conversation was about her or at least involved her. Anyway when she phoned she told be...absolutely straight faced that she HADN'T interrogated them about what they talked about! Talk about strange!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)