Well we managed to survive Christmas. To be honest it was a good Christmas by the admittedly low standards that operate in this house. We ordered all the food and got the turkey and all those trimmings on the Wednesday before Christmas and as we didn't have a lot of space in the fridge decided to cook it that day. It was an amazing turkey, definitely the best I've ever eaten. Also DP was still in work that day so we managed to eat in peace and quiet before he got home which defiantly made it all better. The rest of the holidays it was mostly eat what's in the fridge and organize any extras you want yourself...it worked for me and no one complained.
DD flared the whole Xmas period and it still coping with the aftermath now. She did get some pain meds that helped with her spine pain, weirdly the doctor prescribed them when I went in for my check up...talk about twisted. The doctor asked how things were and I mentioned in some detail, but when DD has been in and asked for pain meds she gets nothing...life is strange. Obviously she still had all the other pain but any help was good as she is in massive pain at the moment. With DD flaring and being in her room all the time we opened Xmas presents in her room away from DP which worked well and everyone seemed pleased with what they got.
DP, DS1 and DS2 went over to my parents just after Xmas for the obligatory visit when my DB turns up. DD was way too ill to be left with her brother so I got a 'get out of jail' card and stayed home with her. She came down and we watched films together and had a lovely day. Those who had to go to Malton didn't have a great day but survived...DS2 came back with the remnants of a log cabin made out of stale chocolate finger biscuits...DM had mentioned it more than once on the phone and was obviously really impressed with herself for making it. Not sure why, it wasn't really edible and didn't look that amazing. God I am a bitch and really don't like DM!
The rest of the holidays were taken up helping DS1 sort his dissertation, I know more about Punch and Judy than I ever wanted to...even now I am dreaming about the dammed essay and rewriting it in my sleep! Anyway it all got finished, just, and is handed in so good or bad its out of our hands. DS1 had hoped to make the bodies for his puppets but that was realistically never going to happen so he took all the material and other bits and pieces and the sewing machine and he will have to make them in London. He'll sort it because he has no other option really.
After Xmas DD started really finding it impossible to fight off her depression anymore. She was tired and in pain and the depression was overwhelming. It made her hard to be around and she was constantly wailing about being worthless and needing MASSIVE amounts of emotional support. Poor kid my heart bled for her but she couldn't hear anything except the depression. Anyway she fought really hard and found herself a watercolour class at Swarthmore she could do and organized adopting an adult cat. We haven't got the cat yet but she should be coming soon and will, hopefully help DD especially on days like today when she is stuck in her room.
DS2 is finally getting some help to sort all the problems he is getting because of his past. At the moment he is fighting hard against stuff leaking out from his past. The way that's worked for him in the past is to distract madly, which he is doing, but it doesn't work anymore. Plus it doesn't help him at College when he's fidgeting ALL the time to stop himself thinking. Hopefully he can also work through his gender confusion and so being so intent on hiding all the time...I wouldn't care if it made him happy but it doesn't. I can see it being a long journey but this time as we are paying he take all the time he needs.
DP is being a twat, as always, this time about the new cars they are being offered by work. He keeps talking at me which is annoying but as I don't even need to pretend I'm listening its not a massive problem for me. I realised today that one of the reason's I don't use the blog as much as I used to, or write the reams of stuff I still have in a drawer upstairs, is that he takes up so little of the space in my head. Basically he is an after thought, if a thought at all. Sad for him but makes my life easier. He doesn't really figure in DD or DS's lives either... a sad epitaph for someone who would rate himself as a perfect father.
Anyway hopefully this year will see DS1 finish his degree and get a job he likes. A girlfriend would be good as then I could leave him to his life and have one child as a finished project. I would like DD in less pain and with more energy...hopefully that will happen as she emerges from her flare. DS2 can calm down an bit and breath occasionally, that would be good. DP can die in an accident caused by some wealthy company's gross negligence so I get a large stack of cash as compensation...that would be good. Or he could just leave for whatever reason, I'd find it hard to cope without the cash but we'd manage. DM can finally die and put us all out of her misery, ain't going to happen she will outlive us all getting more miserable and depressing every day. For me I'd like to be able to go to the gym regularly, not been easy so far this year as I've been busy and DD has needed support. I'd also finally like to get below 12 stone...don't really see it happening but I'd like to see it, if only briefly!
Update: after Xmas I had a phone call from DM who didn't say any of the rude unpleasant things we'd written down so we could play 'unpleasant relative bingo'. What she did say was even stranger...DS1 has spent a lot of the day in the living room looking after DS2...my parents house is terminally dull for DS2 even when stuff is taken to keep him occupied. Anyway DS1 was being kind while DP soaked up attention in the kitchen with my parents. DB was also in the living room, I imagine keeping out of mums way. According to DS1 the conversation between them was superficial and bland...BUT my mum was obviously eaten up with jealousy that someone was speaking to her precious baby...DB...without her there to make sure the conversation was about her or at least involved her. Anyway when she phoned she told be...absolutely straight faced that she HADN'T interrogated them about what they talked about! Talk about strange!
