Well we have yet another election in a couple of weeks and as far as I can tell it looks like another hung Parliament. It's realistically the worst possible outcome as it means the Brexit log jam will continue indefinitely. Hopefully my 100% record of getting it totally wrong on election predictions will continue and we actually have a result, but I'm not holding out any hope.
The Labour Party has become a home for all kinds of repellent Antisemitism and I totally fail to see how anyone could bring themselves to vote for them but people will...round here they will vote for Labour in huge numbers...including DS1's friends, who are bright but young. Still feel voting for Antisemitism is utterly wrong but it's their choice. If our local MP is by some miracle voted out I would be soooo pleased....he is an utterly repellent little oik! Unfortunately not going to happen.
Other than the election we have been keeping busy feeding stray cats. There are huge numbers in the area. We have already managed to get one off the streets and hopefully adopted. We are planning to adopt another ourselves...she is very thin and I'm guessing not in great health but happy to see us and wants petting as well as feeding.
Update: well we did get the cat off the streets and took 'her' to the vets to find out the cat was actually a neutered male. So had been a properly looked after pet at some stage, which almost makes it harder that he was so staving and nervous.
By some miracle he doesn't seem to have any underlying health issues, no FIV which is astounding as we know its in the cat community in the area. The vets were obviously expecting his bloods to show kidney failure or something equally terminal....even after a month of feeding he is still painfully thin. But he is basically healthy apart from a mouth full of very painful ulcers which may account for how thin he was as he must have found eating hard. He is back at the vets in another couple of weeks to get his mouth properly checked and will undoubtedly need lots of expensive dental work but he's totally worth it, such a sweetie. Very affectionate but so good natured and easy going. DS1 was telling us loud and clear that adopting him was a mistake....it is eye wateringly expensive that's for sure...but having met Wilfred he has decided it might be a sensible plan after all.
Update 2: well the election has happened and my 100% record stands. The Conservatives managed a very decent majority, there are lots of reasons but Corbyn seems to have been a major factor. I'm obviously not the only one who finds him repellent. He is apparently going to stand down at some point and a new leader found. Really hope it's someone sensible and not another reject from the 70's. Government works best when there is a credible opposition! But very pleased we didn't get another hung Parliament.
Sunday 1 December 2019
Friday 18 October 2019
Autumn is a blessing
I really love Autumn. I love the colours, the fact it's cooler weather, the awesome damp vegetation smell you only get this time of year, the way the sunlight seems golden and misty all the time. Basically I love the whole thing. One of the best bits of driving DS1 to work every day is seeing the leaves turn more Autumny every day, the colours are stunning. I also get an amazing view of distant hills and trees at one bit that is life affirming. I am so blessed to live in such a lovely part of the world and get to experience Autumn every year.
I realise that's all a bit gushing but there is lots in my life that is less than good so its nice to have something that's so good and clean! DD is still deteriorating, her doctors appointment went well and she is finally getting some meds to help her nausea. She will also be getting some new pain meds but needs to reduce the dose of her current pain meds first, not easy as she is in permanent pain. We are filling in paperwork to get me power of attorney for her if she needs medical treatment and isn't capable of refusing. We need someone who isn't a member of the family to sign and I don't know anyone... that's a sad indictment of my life. Not that I would have asked J to sign even if i still saw her regularly, she has no boundaries and gets too involved in stuff that have nothing to do with her. She actually thought it was okay to tell DP and DS2 when she saw them recently that her son had been sacked for gross misconduct...I mean who shares that information!! Luckily DS1 has friend who knew DD when they were all in school who is more than happy to sign for us.
DS1 is still finding his job hard going physically especially the days he has to come home on the bus...it's and hour and a half on the bus and that's just hard. Still he is much happier in himself, I had been getting very concerned about his depression and was obviously more anxious about him getting a job than I realised. He is lucky but he really deserves it and it's such a good fit for him.
DS2 is struggling with working 3 days. it's so emotionally exhausting for him he is being less than kind at home. Hopefully it will settle down in time but it's not fun currently.
'D'P has been away with work this week and it's staggering how little he is missed by anyone. He has so little interaction with any of us that we just don't miss him. It's really sad though I doubt he would believe it if anyone told him, I get the impression he sees himself a the centre of our world...well he is well onto the narcissistic spectrum!
Not heard from either of my parents since DM phoned to say she's got her birthday present, I won't say 'thanked' as she was basically snarky and borderline unpleasant about the books I got. She is sooo predictable.
Update: well DD has been taking her new pain meds for a couple of weeks now and the difference is amazing, She is no longer in constant pain and with the nausea meds she also has she actually has a life again. It really is fantastic for her. Now we will need to sort getting her a new power chair....she had thought a manual chair would work as she went out so very rarely but with her new lease of life she is even thinking about going back to doing fashion post again. The difference having a doctor who actually listens is unbelievable!
I realise that's all a bit gushing but there is lots in my life that is less than good so its nice to have something that's so good and clean! DD is still deteriorating, her doctors appointment went well and she is finally getting some meds to help her nausea. She will also be getting some new pain meds but needs to reduce the dose of her current pain meds first, not easy as she is in permanent pain. We are filling in paperwork to get me power of attorney for her if she needs medical treatment and isn't capable of refusing. We need someone who isn't a member of the family to sign and I don't know anyone... that's a sad indictment of my life. Not that I would have asked J to sign even if i still saw her regularly, she has no boundaries and gets too involved in stuff that have nothing to do with her. She actually thought it was okay to tell DP and DS2 when she saw them recently that her son had been sacked for gross misconduct...I mean who shares that information!! Luckily DS1 has friend who knew DD when they were all in school who is more than happy to sign for us.
DS1 is still finding his job hard going physically especially the days he has to come home on the bus...it's and hour and a half on the bus and that's just hard. Still he is much happier in himself, I had been getting very concerned about his depression and was obviously more anxious about him getting a job than I realised. He is lucky but he really deserves it and it's such a good fit for him.
DS2 is struggling with working 3 days. it's so emotionally exhausting for him he is being less than kind at home. Hopefully it will settle down in time but it's not fun currently.
'D'P has been away with work this week and it's staggering how little he is missed by anyone. He has so little interaction with any of us that we just don't miss him. It's really sad though I doubt he would believe it if anyone told him, I get the impression he sees himself a the centre of our world...well he is well onto the narcissistic spectrum!
Not heard from either of my parents since DM phoned to say she's got her birthday present, I won't say 'thanked' as she was basically snarky and borderline unpleasant about the books I got. She is sooo predictable.
Update: well DD has been taking her new pain meds for a couple of weeks now and the difference is amazing, She is no longer in constant pain and with the nausea meds she also has she actually has a life again. It really is fantastic for her. Now we will need to sort getting her a new power chair....she had thought a manual chair would work as she went out so very rarely but with her new lease of life she is even thinking about going back to doing fashion post again. The difference having a doctor who actually listens is unbelievable!
Saturday 5 October 2019
Life goes on
Well the summer is finally over, no more hot nights and lots and lots of rain! The weather over the summer was much better than last year, not as consistently hot but some record breaking hot days. We went over to Scarborough for the hottest day, we'd tried a couple of days earlier but had to come home as the wheel wobble was just too much to drive all that way with. We got to see three hares and an owl on our diversion so not all bad.
Scarborough was lovely, we got there good and early. DD got to paddle in the sea something she's been wanting to do for ages. Unfortunately she no longer remembers because she can no longer form long term memories, or only with real difficulty. Still we had a good day with lots of ice cream and really good fish and chips before coming home to endure the heat.
DD got out to Brimham Rocks one morning, it was very beautiful but way too much for DD, she has probably come to the end of her ability to go out. She has been flaring pretty much all the time for months now. She is in constant pain and is tired all the time.
Her room has been totally rearranged. Her cat was taking up so much of her bed, even though she is very little cat, that DD decided she's get her own profiling bed rather than the one we got through the NHS and then she could have a small double bed. Lots of space for her to stretch out and still lots of room for Ruth. Well the bed company make good beds but their customer service staff are not good...really shocked by how very poor they are, I had to totally tear a strip off them to get them to deliver the bed in a timely way. Left to their own devises we'd have had to wait another week or so without a doubt.
DD also got rid of her bookcase and her wardrobe and now just has a chest of drawers, she doesn't ever go out so doesn't really need clothes. In the course of the remodel she also acquired a fridge and a hot chocolate machine. Ruth also got a massive wall mounted cat tree which she totally ignores...the fridge and hot chocolate machine are much more used.
DS1 finally got a job!!!! Not only a job but something he is really happy doing, the firm is a small furniture maker. less than 10 staff including the owners and him, who make bespoke furniture. They are obviously successful enough as they are needing a bigger workshop which is good news for DS1 as he'll not be out of a job when they go bust. The only slight downside is that its a half hour drive in good traffic and over an hour and a half by bus, but who cares. It's a proper job he is actually excited to have. He was getting worryingly depressed by the end of the summer when all his efforts looking for work were ignored. This company didn't care he had no work history they just saw someone who had an interest and the skills they needed and was happy to do anything. DD writes a storming CV. DS1 had sent off a speculative CV to a number of furniture making firms in Leeds and this one found the right company just as they were thinking they needed a trainee. Couldn't be happier, I keep having to remind myself its real!
DS1 is soooo much happier and looks better, he was getting puffy and just looked ill all the time. He is suffering with carpel tunnel as his hands get used to using tools all day long but he's happy to cope as he is enjoying his days and very happy to have a job and not feel a failure.
DS2 is now doing three days a week and Revive. He is ambivalent about this a veers between wanting a job and being scared about having to do three days. He also worries about independence and having to pay bills. He will calm down but his behaviour has been horrendous some days, actually concerning with DS2 claiming he can be as violent as he wants with no consequences because he needs to 'get rid of his aggression'. Fortunately he seems to be calming down and is being nicer.
My parents continue to be the same as always. DM is still showing no signs of doing the decent thing and dying. She got her birthday present today and as expected my DF loved it and DM just had to say something snidy. She is so predictable and so bitchy. Luckily I have the perfect excuse not to see her and she isn't up to coming to Leeds to see us so its a win win for me.
DD has a doctors appointment for her prescription review on Monday and she is not looking forward to it, hopefully it won't be too hard for her. Going to the doctors is physically hard but also emotionally exhausting as doctors are just dismissive and uncaring, not a great combination.
'D'P is still here, keep hoping he'll either die, yes I am that nasty, or he'll have an affair and leave. Or we win the lottery and can afford to leave, however it happens getting away from him would be good, he's just not a pleasant person to be around and is sooo self absorbed, I honestly don't think he has any idea how little respect any of us have for him or how much we enjoy it when he's away.
Scarborough was lovely, we got there good and early. DD got to paddle in the sea something she's been wanting to do for ages. Unfortunately she no longer remembers because she can no longer form long term memories, or only with real difficulty. Still we had a good day with lots of ice cream and really good fish and chips before coming home to endure the heat.
DD got out to Brimham Rocks one morning, it was very beautiful but way too much for DD, she has probably come to the end of her ability to go out. She has been flaring pretty much all the time for months now. She is in constant pain and is tired all the time.
Her room has been totally rearranged. Her cat was taking up so much of her bed, even though she is very little cat, that DD decided she's get her own profiling bed rather than the one we got through the NHS and then she could have a small double bed. Lots of space for her to stretch out and still lots of room for Ruth. Well the bed company make good beds but their customer service staff are not good...really shocked by how very poor they are, I had to totally tear a strip off them to get them to deliver the bed in a timely way. Left to their own devises we'd have had to wait another week or so without a doubt.
DD also got rid of her bookcase and her wardrobe and now just has a chest of drawers, she doesn't ever go out so doesn't really need clothes. In the course of the remodel she also acquired a fridge and a hot chocolate machine. Ruth also got a massive wall mounted cat tree which she totally ignores...the fridge and hot chocolate machine are much more used.
DS1 finally got a job!!!! Not only a job but something he is really happy doing, the firm is a small furniture maker. less than 10 staff including the owners and him, who make bespoke furniture. They are obviously successful enough as they are needing a bigger workshop which is good news for DS1 as he'll not be out of a job when they go bust. The only slight downside is that its a half hour drive in good traffic and over an hour and a half by bus, but who cares. It's a proper job he is actually excited to have. He was getting worryingly depressed by the end of the summer when all his efforts looking for work were ignored. This company didn't care he had no work history they just saw someone who had an interest and the skills they needed and was happy to do anything. DD writes a storming CV. DS1 had sent off a speculative CV to a number of furniture making firms in Leeds and this one found the right company just as they were thinking they needed a trainee. Couldn't be happier, I keep having to remind myself its real!
DS1 is soooo much happier and looks better, he was getting puffy and just looked ill all the time. He is suffering with carpel tunnel as his hands get used to using tools all day long but he's happy to cope as he is enjoying his days and very happy to have a job and not feel a failure.
DS2 is now doing three days a week and Revive. He is ambivalent about this a veers between wanting a job and being scared about having to do three days. He also worries about independence and having to pay bills. He will calm down but his behaviour has been horrendous some days, actually concerning with DS2 claiming he can be as violent as he wants with no consequences because he needs to 'get rid of his aggression'. Fortunately he seems to be calming down and is being nicer.
My parents continue to be the same as always. DM is still showing no signs of doing the decent thing and dying. She got her birthday present today and as expected my DF loved it and DM just had to say something snidy. She is so predictable and so bitchy. Luckily I have the perfect excuse not to see her and she isn't up to coming to Leeds to see us so its a win win for me.
DD has a doctors appointment for her prescription review on Monday and she is not looking forward to it, hopefully it won't be too hard for her. Going to the doctors is physically hard but also emotionally exhausting as doctors are just dismissive and uncaring, not a great combination.
'D'P is still here, keep hoping he'll either die, yes I am that nasty, or he'll have an affair and leave. Or we win the lottery and can afford to leave, however it happens getting away from him would be good, he's just not a pleasant person to be around and is sooo self absorbed, I honestly don't think he has any idea how little respect any of us have for him or how much we enjoy it when he's away.
Thursday 20 June 2019
The calm before the storm...hopefully not!
There are a lot of things about to happen....like an impressively black sky that is promising a downpour in minutes with the half heard hint of thunder. All too often the cloud drifts off and the sun....and all the screaming kids on the street are out in minutes.
Well the stuff hanging waiting to happen are kind of like that...the major difference being I like thunderstorms but the future may not be a much fun. DD has an operation next week to remove two of her wisdom teeth that have been causing increasing amounts of pain for years. It probably won't take away all her tooth pain, with not being able to clean her teeth regularly with her ME she has a lot of other teeth causing problems, but a major source of pain should be removed. Unfortunately she will be having general anaesthetic and that can have unpredictable results in ME patients added to which she is already struggling with a flare and a significant reduction in her energy levels. The future does not look bright for her...we will just have to wait and see.
DS1 has finished the first year of his Joinery course but isn't sure what is happening next year....typical for him to be honest. I love him dearly, he is my son that's a given, but he is totally idle and does do the jellyfish thing where he goes all limp and passive and expects other people to organise his life for him....and then gets grumpy because he's expected to actually do stuff. I wouldn't mind as much if actually was useless but he can actually frame and work if he needs to. Hopefully he'll get himself a job this summer, he packed in JSA because the inefficiency of the whole process offended him deeply.
DS2 is stressing about doing his Foundation 1 Maths exam...for the third time. He will almost certainly fail as he has a total mental block with maths in a stress situation...and exams are very stressful situations for him. Still he is increasing his days at Revive and has a job there as soon as a job that fits him comes up. It will cause massive problems with his funding from Social Services but that's not my problem to solve...apart from the fact I'll undoubtedly be out of pocket. I always said he was an expensive hobby, but totally worth it. Even when he's being a arse and swearing a DD constantly.
I am actively avoiding British news at the moment...I'm not alone in that, I saw a statistic that said about half the population was avoiding the news and about 3/4 gave Brexit as the reason. It's totally my reason I just find all the hate and misinformation peddled as 'news' quite offensive. I won't go as far as to call it 'fake news' but its very slanted and not in my direction!
I am following American new instead and that's hard enough, the world is not a good or safe place. I worry about DS1, his life will be less easy than mine and a hell of a lot harder than my parents who had so may opportunities that just don't exist any more.
I can see mass migration, for jobs, resources including water, being an increasing problem and I don't see any answers. Certainly non of the politicians seem to have any answers...no matter which country they come from. There have been many periods of history that were hard, the 1930's seem to have pretty crap in most of the world and the 1940's even harder for some...but the current situation does seem to be building up to be 'perfect storm'. It may well be that if I had the benefit of hindsight the current situation would seem less dire, who knows. Certainly my own world is not looking great for the next few years.
I am currently working on getting my body funeral ready, I intend to look amazing when my DM finally snuffs it. I reckon I have a few years to work on it but I want to look my very best, I despise her so much, she still thinks she should be the major victim in my life and I should focus on her. Well it's not happening so she can sit and feel sorry for her self I really don't care . My DD doesn't sit and wallow in self pity and she is coping with a lot of pain and constantly diminishing levels of energy. She has my total respect, my DM doesn't.
Update: well DD had her operation and recovered really well as far as the actual operation. But it has left her even more easily tired than she was before, not a good place to be as the summer holidays approaches! DP was a total arse and couldn't even be bothered to speak to her the morning we were taking her to the hospital...she had to be there by 7am so we were leaving the house for not much after 6am. I know he doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his fragile little ego but it was ignorant and incredibly unkind.
A few days ago he was sounding off...in another room to DS2 but I was very much supposed to hear...about how he (DP) is 'isolated' from things that are happening in the family. Well you reap what you sow and he opted out of the family many years ago when it became apparent that he wasn't worshipped... as he felt he should be! He is the total looser, DD, DS1 and DS2 are all awesome people and I am immensely proud to be their mum every day!
Another thing worth noting....my parents have been noticeable by their absence....no idea what I'm supposed to be have done to offend them but the peace and quiet have been lovely. Who knows maybe they are as bored as I am by the meaningless and indeed content-less 'conversation's.
Update 2: DS1 has finally got a job!! It's just a warehouse job but who cares he will actually be working and filling up his CV. I am sooo happy!
It's been incredibly hot this week...I have never experienced hotter weather in Leeds and its not making any of us happy. Ruth is particular is miserable with the heat. Hopefully it won't last too much longer.
Update 3: well I celebrated too soon, in spite of 2 sessions of filling in paperwork and three days doing courses for warehouse work DS1 is no nearer a job than he was before. It's getting depressing to say the least. Fingers crossed something turns up!
Well the stuff hanging waiting to happen are kind of like that...the major difference being I like thunderstorms but the future may not be a much fun. DD has an operation next week to remove two of her wisdom teeth that have been causing increasing amounts of pain for years. It probably won't take away all her tooth pain, with not being able to clean her teeth regularly with her ME she has a lot of other teeth causing problems, but a major source of pain should be removed. Unfortunately she will be having general anaesthetic and that can have unpredictable results in ME patients added to which she is already struggling with a flare and a significant reduction in her energy levels. The future does not look bright for her...we will just have to wait and see.
DS1 has finished the first year of his Joinery course but isn't sure what is happening next year....typical for him to be honest. I love him dearly, he is my son that's a given, but he is totally idle and does do the jellyfish thing where he goes all limp and passive and expects other people to organise his life for him....and then gets grumpy because he's expected to actually do stuff. I wouldn't mind as much if actually was useless but he can actually frame and work if he needs to. Hopefully he'll get himself a job this summer, he packed in JSA because the inefficiency of the whole process offended him deeply.
DS2 is stressing about doing his Foundation 1 Maths exam...for the third time. He will almost certainly fail as he has a total mental block with maths in a stress situation...and exams are very stressful situations for him. Still he is increasing his days at Revive and has a job there as soon as a job that fits him comes up. It will cause massive problems with his funding from Social Services but that's not my problem to solve...apart from the fact I'll undoubtedly be out of pocket. I always said he was an expensive hobby, but totally worth it. Even when he's being a arse and swearing a DD constantly.
I am actively avoiding British news at the moment...I'm not alone in that, I saw a statistic that said about half the population was avoiding the news and about 3/4 gave Brexit as the reason. It's totally my reason I just find all the hate and misinformation peddled as 'news' quite offensive. I won't go as far as to call it 'fake news' but its very slanted and not in my direction!
I am following American new instead and that's hard enough, the world is not a good or safe place. I worry about DS1, his life will be less easy than mine and a hell of a lot harder than my parents who had so may opportunities that just don't exist any more.
I can see mass migration, for jobs, resources including water, being an increasing problem and I don't see any answers. Certainly non of the politicians seem to have any answers...no matter which country they come from. There have been many periods of history that were hard, the 1930's seem to have pretty crap in most of the world and the 1940's even harder for some...but the current situation does seem to be building up to be 'perfect storm'. It may well be that if I had the benefit of hindsight the current situation would seem less dire, who knows. Certainly my own world is not looking great for the next few years.
I am currently working on getting my body funeral ready, I intend to look amazing when my DM finally snuffs it. I reckon I have a few years to work on it but I want to look my very best, I despise her so much, she still thinks she should be the major victim in my life and I should focus on her. Well it's not happening so she can sit and feel sorry for her self I really don't care . My DD doesn't sit and wallow in self pity and she is coping with a lot of pain and constantly diminishing levels of energy. She has my total respect, my DM doesn't.
Update: well DD had her operation and recovered really well as far as the actual operation. But it has left her even more easily tired than she was before, not a good place to be as the summer holidays approaches! DP was a total arse and couldn't even be bothered to speak to her the morning we were taking her to the hospital...she had to be there by 7am so we were leaving the house for not much after 6am. I know he doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his fragile little ego but it was ignorant and incredibly unkind.
A few days ago he was sounding off...in another room to DS2 but I was very much supposed to hear...about how he (DP) is 'isolated' from things that are happening in the family. Well you reap what you sow and he opted out of the family many years ago when it became apparent that he wasn't worshipped... as he felt he should be! He is the total looser, DD, DS1 and DS2 are all awesome people and I am immensely proud to be their mum every day!
Another thing worth noting....my parents have been noticeable by their absence....no idea what I'm supposed to be have done to offend them but the peace and quiet have been lovely. Who knows maybe they are as bored as I am by the meaningless and indeed content-less 'conversation's.
Update 2: DS1 has finally got a job!! It's just a warehouse job but who cares he will actually be working and filling up his CV. I am sooo happy!
It's been incredibly hot this week...I have never experienced hotter weather in Leeds and its not making any of us happy. Ruth is particular is miserable with the heat. Hopefully it won't last too much longer.
Update 3: well I celebrated too soon, in spite of 2 sessions of filling in paperwork and three days doing courses for warehouse work DS1 is no nearer a job than he was before. It's getting depressing to say the least. Fingers crossed something turns up!
Tuesday 26 March 2019
Glad Winter is over
It's been a really mild winter, virtually no ice or snow. Definitely my idea of a good winter! Still it's nice to have brighter mornings and less cold weather.
Grundo had to have his blood work done again in the New Year to check how his thyroid meds were doing. Getting his blood taken was fun...he'd struggled previously so I'd got him a tranquilliser so he wouldn't be as stressed. This worked the first time but the next time, even with a dose of happy pills he was fighting so hard two vets together and how ever many nurses were around couldn't get a blood sample so we'd got to take him back the following day so he could be sedated! For a blood test!! Anyway his thyroid levels came back low, and while the dosage could have been worked out it wasn't worth it as it was apparent that his kidneys, which had been giving odd readings for months, had given up the ghost. He had another few weeks for us to love and pamper him. He had chicken broth made...he loved it! He was particularly enthusiastic about the chicken skin which DD fried until it was very crispy.
By the end he was struggling to drink...I think it was just too much effort but he could still eat the chicken broth jelly. He spent all his time snuggled on the sofa being loved by DS1, DD or myself and was coping, though was starting to be in pain and his stomach was getting VERY sore. We got the vet to come to the house to euthanize him....given how stressed he was at the vets taking him there just seemed to be unnecessarily mean.
We miss him all the time, he was a lovely, gentle cat with a mass of love to share. He also had the most beautiful fur black with highlights of turquoise and red-bronze in the sun.
Our other cat Ruth is getting used to being able to roam and will follow DD downstairs but will mostly stay in the bedroom. She is still very skittish and nervous and very obviously loves DD with all her catty little heart and enjoys most snuggling her.
DD is having real problems with pain from her wisdom teeth. We eventually managed to get her to a dentist...she had been very reluctant to go as she was worried she'd be dismissed because she doesn't have enough energy to look after her teeth properly. Fortunately the dentist was really good, actually knew what M.E. is which is unusual and got her referred to get the teeth taken out under general anaesthetic. Hopefully it will all be sorted in another month or so.
Other than that she is still deteriorating and constantly having to cope with ever diminishing energy levels. It's so hard for her and she does struggle to stay out of major depression. She has taken up a new hobby of repainting dolls...it looks slightly macabre as she has various dismembered dolls on her desk as she's in the middle of working on them, and it obviously massively expensive, but she is enjoying it and is very good at what she does.
DS1 is slogging through his courses and is looking at some other courses that would be worth taking. He was starting to get depressed but seems to feel better now he has more of a plan and seems to be feeling happier. He is now insured on my car as a learner driver so we will be going out occasionally so he can practise between lessons.
DS2 has a plan for next year...he will stay with Swarthmore which is brilliant for him and also stay volunteering a Revive looking to increase the number of days he does and ultimately look at getting a job. A job will mess up his funding from St Anne's which is mostly benefits but I don't care, they can work all that out, Austin will love having a JOB and it will make him feel super grown up.
DM is still in the land of the living but is getting/ acting increasingly feeble. DP and I went over to Malton recently and she shuffles now instead of walking but I still have my money on her lasting out her century. DF is happily getting on his gardening and sorting other stuff he enjoys.
I am back to trying to sort my weight, after getting down to 12 stone my weight has drifted back up and I am now close to where I started. I really am not happy about it. I loved being 12 stone, I felt so good about myself and really felt I looked good. I am still getting myself new clothes when I need any and still liking myself so that didn't go away when I put the weight back on but I will like being slimmer again....mostly because DM will loath it!! After hating my weight most of the life...oh and how much I knew she hated it!....she no longer has anything approaching a 'figure' and she no longer feels stylish, so if I look good she will hate it. I am never supposed to be 'better' than her! (To be honest she hasn't been stylish in many years...I remember her dressing well in the 1970's but it was a bad period so the bar was set low...mostly she wears too many layers of mismatched brown clothes which looks crap on a short lumpy woman).
The news is all depressing, so much so I have been furiously avoiding all UK news and focusing on American news. It's still depressing but it's a long way away and I really struggle to understand it all which helps make it feel even less real. I have been haunting the justnomil thread on Reddit and some of the stories are just bizarre! It does prove however unpleasant and inadequate a parent my DM was/is she could have been worse. Not that that's much of a consolation really. She was still a shit mum.
Grundo had to have his blood work done again in the New Year to check how his thyroid meds were doing. Getting his blood taken was fun...he'd struggled previously so I'd got him a tranquilliser so he wouldn't be as stressed. This worked the first time but the next time, even with a dose of happy pills he was fighting so hard two vets together and how ever many nurses were around couldn't get a blood sample so we'd got to take him back the following day so he could be sedated! For a blood test!! Anyway his thyroid levels came back low, and while the dosage could have been worked out it wasn't worth it as it was apparent that his kidneys, which had been giving odd readings for months, had given up the ghost. He had another few weeks for us to love and pamper him. He had chicken broth made...he loved it! He was particularly enthusiastic about the chicken skin which DD fried until it was very crispy.
By the end he was struggling to drink...I think it was just too much effort but he could still eat the chicken broth jelly. He spent all his time snuggled on the sofa being loved by DS1, DD or myself and was coping, though was starting to be in pain and his stomach was getting VERY sore. We got the vet to come to the house to euthanize him....given how stressed he was at the vets taking him there just seemed to be unnecessarily mean.
We miss him all the time, he was a lovely, gentle cat with a mass of love to share. He also had the most beautiful fur black with highlights of turquoise and red-bronze in the sun.
Our other cat Ruth is getting used to being able to roam and will follow DD downstairs but will mostly stay in the bedroom. She is still very skittish and nervous and very obviously loves DD with all her catty little heart and enjoys most snuggling her.
DD is having real problems with pain from her wisdom teeth. We eventually managed to get her to a dentist...she had been very reluctant to go as she was worried she'd be dismissed because she doesn't have enough energy to look after her teeth properly. Fortunately the dentist was really good, actually knew what M.E. is which is unusual and got her referred to get the teeth taken out under general anaesthetic. Hopefully it will all be sorted in another month or so.
Other than that she is still deteriorating and constantly having to cope with ever diminishing energy levels. It's so hard for her and she does struggle to stay out of major depression. She has taken up a new hobby of repainting dolls...it looks slightly macabre as she has various dismembered dolls on her desk as she's in the middle of working on them, and it obviously massively expensive, but she is enjoying it and is very good at what she does.
DS1 is slogging through his courses and is looking at some other courses that would be worth taking. He was starting to get depressed but seems to feel better now he has more of a plan and seems to be feeling happier. He is now insured on my car as a learner driver so we will be going out occasionally so he can practise between lessons.
DS2 has a plan for next year...he will stay with Swarthmore which is brilliant for him and also stay volunteering a Revive looking to increase the number of days he does and ultimately look at getting a job. A job will mess up his funding from St Anne's which is mostly benefits but I don't care, they can work all that out, Austin will love having a JOB and it will make him feel super grown up.
DM is still in the land of the living but is getting/ acting increasingly feeble. DP and I went over to Malton recently and she shuffles now instead of walking but I still have my money on her lasting out her century. DF is happily getting on his gardening and sorting other stuff he enjoys.
I am back to trying to sort my weight, after getting down to 12 stone my weight has drifted back up and I am now close to where I started. I really am not happy about it. I loved being 12 stone, I felt so good about myself and really felt I looked good. I am still getting myself new clothes when I need any and still liking myself so that didn't go away when I put the weight back on but I will like being slimmer again....mostly because DM will loath it!! After hating my weight most of the life...oh and how much I knew she hated it!....she no longer has anything approaching a 'figure' and she no longer feels stylish, so if I look good she will hate it. I am never supposed to be 'better' than her! (To be honest she hasn't been stylish in many years...I remember her dressing well in the 1970's but it was a bad period so the bar was set low...mostly she wears too many layers of mismatched brown clothes which looks crap on a short lumpy woman).
The news is all depressing, so much so I have been furiously avoiding all UK news and focusing on American news. It's still depressing but it's a long way away and I really struggle to understand it all which helps make it feel even less real. I have been haunting the justnomil thread on Reddit and some of the stories are just bizarre! It does prove however unpleasant and inadequate a parent my DM was/is she could have been worse. Not that that's much of a consolation really. She was still a shit mum.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)