I am increasingly finding my life not so much hard but very unsatisfying. I have a DP who is absolutely no support at all, he never acknowledges the stuff I do or is even particularly polite to me. To be totally fair I pretty much ignore him but that's my way of keeping my sanity and protecting me again all his petty nastiness.
My parents are of no use even just to chat to. Neither of them hears me if I say anything about myself. They only listen to stuff about themselves of whatever boring topic of conversation they have decided is happening. Its a real shame as I could really do with some safe space to vent occasionally.
My DB2 is a totally out of the picture. I decided this year that I wouldn't initiate any contact with him, I would only respond to his communication and at the level he dictated. Well I have had 1 text saying a birthday card for DS2 would be late and 1 email responding to mine when I let him know the card had arrived. So he is obviously really keen to stay in touch. To be honest he's not much of a loss to me I've never had a great relationship with him, he is 8 years younger and was away at school and I left home when he was still quite young. That makes it sound as though I never made any effort to be a good sister...I did loads for years to keep in touch and have a relationship with him. I kept working at the relationship for years after it was apparent he wasn't that bothered...after all I am the 'big sister' and he is my 'baby brother'. I gave up when he told me he didn't want to hear about DD because it was depressing. Still makes me cross and it must be at leas t2 years since he said it...I told him at the time how hurt I was but it made no difference.
That's just the family stuff. In the wider world there is a referendum about whether or not we stay in Europe, the result may be tight but its pretty much guaranteed that 'stay' will 'win', however much the results need to be amended! The Government and those who want to be in Government all seem to want us to stay and so spout endless horror stories about the Armageddon that will be unleashed if we have the temerity to vote to leave the EU. Its all very depressing as Europe is dying under a never ending flood of economic migrants who have no desire to work or conform to Western ideas of how to interact with women or children, a sickening number of sexual attacks and such like. As well as lots of crime. Its all so horrible and with all the stuff that's going on in my life I'd just like one area of my life, or indeed life in general, to be decent and honest.
So I want to live in a Nevil Shute novel where people are decent and do their jobs and basically act like grown ups. Where no one scams the benefits system and Social Services don't want to produce uncounted reams of paperwork but not be bothered to sort the basics like paying me! A world where people have a moral code and live by it. I just want a world where people take responsibility for them selves and 'celebrities' aren't looked on as icons and people value something other than money and material goods. Okay it was a fantasy in the 1950's but its a good fantasy and I am sick of the world being so 'me, me, me'.
In a recent atrocity a Muslim gunman killed 49 people and injured 43 others at a Drag Bar. He was apparently a closet gay and presumably decided to sort out his conflicted feeling by killing as many people as possible, in the name of Islam or course! It just sickens me that this kind of evil can exist in a world where there is music so beautiful it makes tears come to my eyes. There is so much to love so why do people need to hate so deeply they have to kill. It sickens me it really does. As does the self serving rubbish any number of commentators spout as they try to 'claim' the shooting for their particular hobby horse.
My other favourite fantasy as I'm going to sleep is Yellowstone Park erupting in a massive explosion that causes massive problems worldwide. This then leads to an enormous pandemic which wipes out large swathes of the population of the world...ok I'm officially a sick and twisted individual but the world is killing itself. How can we have one of the world's fastest growing economies (India) killing women because their dowries aren't large enough to compensate for them being dark!!! Or rape being so incredibly widely acceptable across the country. A world where some mass murdering nut job thinks it okay to go into a gay bar and shoot people! The gun man appears to have potential links to Islam, that's even more sick Islam was never meant to be a religion of hate.
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