Well the summer is finally over, no more hot nights and lots and lots of rain! The weather over the summer was much better than last year, not as consistently hot but some record breaking hot days. We went over to Scarborough for the hottest day, we'd tried a couple of days earlier but had to come home as the wheel wobble was just too much to drive all that way with. We got to see three hares and an owl on our diversion so not all bad.
Scarborough was lovely, we got there good and early. DD got to paddle in the sea something she's been wanting to do for ages. Unfortunately she no longer remembers because she can no longer form long term memories, or only with real difficulty. Still we had a good day with lots of ice cream and really good fish and chips before coming home to endure the heat.
DD got out to Brimham Rocks one morning, it was very beautiful but way too much for DD, she has probably come to the end of her ability to go out. She has been flaring pretty much all the time for months now. She is in constant pain and is tired all the time.
Her room has been totally rearranged. Her cat was taking up so much of her bed, even though she is very little cat, that DD decided she's get her own profiling bed rather than the one we got through the NHS and then she could have a small double bed. Lots of space for her to stretch out and still lots of room for Ruth. Well the bed company make good beds but their customer service staff are not good...really shocked by how very poor they are, I had to totally tear a strip off them to get them to deliver the bed in a timely way. Left to their own devises we'd have had to wait another week or so without a doubt.
DD also got rid of her bookcase and her wardrobe and now just has a chest of drawers, she doesn't ever go out so doesn't really need clothes. In the course of the remodel she also acquired a fridge and a hot chocolate machine. Ruth also got a massive wall mounted cat tree which she totally ignores...the fridge and hot chocolate machine are much more used.
DS1 finally got a job!!!! Not only a job but something he is really happy doing, the firm is a small furniture maker. less than 10 staff including the owners and him, who make bespoke furniture. They are obviously successful enough as they are needing a bigger workshop which is good news for DS1 as he'll not be out of a job when they go bust. The only slight downside is that its a half hour drive in good traffic and over an hour and a half by bus, but who cares. It's a proper job he is actually excited to have. He was getting worryingly depressed by the end of the summer when all his efforts looking for work were ignored. This company didn't care he had no work history they just saw someone who had an interest and the skills they needed and was happy to do anything. DD writes a storming CV. DS1 had sent off a speculative CV to a number of furniture making firms in Leeds and this one found the right company just as they were thinking they needed a trainee. Couldn't be happier, I keep having to remind myself its real!
DS1 is soooo much happier and looks better, he was getting puffy and just looked ill all the time. He is suffering with carpel tunnel as his hands get used to using tools all day long but he's happy to cope as he is enjoying his days and very happy to have a job and not feel a failure.
DS2 is now doing three days a week and Revive. He is ambivalent about this a veers between wanting a job and being scared about having to do three days. He also worries about independence and having to pay bills. He will calm down but his behaviour has been horrendous some days, actually concerning with DS2 claiming he can be as violent as he wants with no consequences because he needs to 'get rid of his aggression'. Fortunately he seems to be calming down and is being nicer.
My parents continue to be the same as always. DM is still showing no signs of doing the decent thing and dying. She got her birthday present today and as expected my DF loved it and DM just had to say something snidy. She is so predictable and so bitchy. Luckily I have the perfect excuse not to see her and she isn't up to coming to Leeds to see us so its a win win for me.
DD has a doctors appointment for her prescription review on Monday and she is not looking forward to it, hopefully it won't be too hard for her. Going to the doctors is physically hard but also emotionally exhausting as doctors are just dismissive and uncaring, not a great combination.
'D'P is still here, keep hoping he'll either die, yes I am that nasty, or he'll have an affair and leave. Or we win the lottery and can afford to leave, however it happens getting away from him would be good, he's just not a pleasant person to be around and is sooo self absorbed, I honestly don't think he has any idea how little respect any of us have for him or how much we enjoy it when he's away.
Saturday, 5 October 2019
Thursday, 20 June 2019
The calm before the storm...hopefully not!
There are a lot of things about to happen....like an impressively black sky that is promising a downpour in minutes with the half heard hint of thunder. All too often the cloud drifts off and the sun....and all the screaming kids on the street are out in minutes.
Well the stuff hanging waiting to happen are kind of like that...the major difference being I like thunderstorms but the future may not be a much fun. DD has an operation next week to remove two of her wisdom teeth that have been causing increasing amounts of pain for years. It probably won't take away all her tooth pain, with not being able to clean her teeth regularly with her ME she has a lot of other teeth causing problems, but a major source of pain should be removed. Unfortunately she will be having general anaesthetic and that can have unpredictable results in ME patients added to which she is already struggling with a flare and a significant reduction in her energy levels. The future does not look bright for her...we will just have to wait and see.
DS1 has finished the first year of his Joinery course but isn't sure what is happening next year....typical for him to be honest. I love him dearly, he is my son that's a given, but he is totally idle and does do the jellyfish thing where he goes all limp and passive and expects other people to organise his life for him....and then gets grumpy because he's expected to actually do stuff. I wouldn't mind as much if actually was useless but he can actually frame and work if he needs to. Hopefully he'll get himself a job this summer, he packed in JSA because the inefficiency of the whole process offended him deeply.
DS2 is stressing about doing his Foundation 1 Maths exam...for the third time. He will almost certainly fail as he has a total mental block with maths in a stress situation...and exams are very stressful situations for him. Still he is increasing his days at Revive and has a job there as soon as a job that fits him comes up. It will cause massive problems with his funding from Social Services but that's not my problem to solve...apart from the fact I'll undoubtedly be out of pocket. I always said he was an expensive hobby, but totally worth it. Even when he's being a arse and swearing a DD constantly.
I am actively avoiding British news at the moment...I'm not alone in that, I saw a statistic that said about half the population was avoiding the news and about 3/4 gave Brexit as the reason. It's totally my reason I just find all the hate and misinformation peddled as 'news' quite offensive. I won't go as far as to call it 'fake news' but its very slanted and not in my direction!
I am following American new instead and that's hard enough, the world is not a good or safe place. I worry about DS1, his life will be less easy than mine and a hell of a lot harder than my parents who had so may opportunities that just don't exist any more.
I can see mass migration, for jobs, resources including water, being an increasing problem and I don't see any answers. Certainly non of the politicians seem to have any answers...no matter which country they come from. There have been many periods of history that were hard, the 1930's seem to have pretty crap in most of the world and the 1940's even harder for some...but the current situation does seem to be building up to be 'perfect storm'. It may well be that if I had the benefit of hindsight the current situation would seem less dire, who knows. Certainly my own world is not looking great for the next few years.
I am currently working on getting my body funeral ready, I intend to look amazing when my DM finally snuffs it. I reckon I have a few years to work on it but I want to look my very best, I despise her so much, she still thinks she should be the major victim in my life and I should focus on her. Well it's not happening so she can sit and feel sorry for her self I really don't care . My DD doesn't sit and wallow in self pity and she is coping with a lot of pain and constantly diminishing levels of energy. She has my total respect, my DM doesn't.
Update: well DD had her operation and recovered really well as far as the actual operation. But it has left her even more easily tired than she was before, not a good place to be as the summer holidays approaches! DP was a total arse and couldn't even be bothered to speak to her the morning we were taking her to the hospital...she had to be there by 7am so we were leaving the house for not much after 6am. I know he doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his fragile little ego but it was ignorant and incredibly unkind.
A few days ago he was sounding off...in another room to DS2 but I was very much supposed to hear...about how he (DP) is 'isolated' from things that are happening in the family. Well you reap what you sow and he opted out of the family many years ago when it became apparent that he wasn't worshipped... as he felt he should be! He is the total looser, DD, DS1 and DS2 are all awesome people and I am immensely proud to be their mum every day!
Another thing worth noting....my parents have been noticeable by their absence....no idea what I'm supposed to be have done to offend them but the peace and quiet have been lovely. Who knows maybe they are as bored as I am by the meaningless and indeed content-less 'conversation's.
Update 2: DS1 has finally got a job!! It's just a warehouse job but who cares he will actually be working and filling up his CV. I am sooo happy!
It's been incredibly hot this week...I have never experienced hotter weather in Leeds and its not making any of us happy. Ruth is particular is miserable with the heat. Hopefully it won't last too much longer.
Update 3: well I celebrated too soon, in spite of 2 sessions of filling in paperwork and three days doing courses for warehouse work DS1 is no nearer a job than he was before. It's getting depressing to say the least. Fingers crossed something turns up!
Well the stuff hanging waiting to happen are kind of like that...the major difference being I like thunderstorms but the future may not be a much fun. DD has an operation next week to remove two of her wisdom teeth that have been causing increasing amounts of pain for years. It probably won't take away all her tooth pain, with not being able to clean her teeth regularly with her ME she has a lot of other teeth causing problems, but a major source of pain should be removed. Unfortunately she will be having general anaesthetic and that can have unpredictable results in ME patients added to which she is already struggling with a flare and a significant reduction in her energy levels. The future does not look bright for her...we will just have to wait and see.
DS1 has finished the first year of his Joinery course but isn't sure what is happening next year....typical for him to be honest. I love him dearly, he is my son that's a given, but he is totally idle and does do the jellyfish thing where he goes all limp and passive and expects other people to organise his life for him....and then gets grumpy because he's expected to actually do stuff. I wouldn't mind as much if actually was useless but he can actually frame and work if he needs to. Hopefully he'll get himself a job this summer, he packed in JSA because the inefficiency of the whole process offended him deeply.
DS2 is stressing about doing his Foundation 1 Maths exam...for the third time. He will almost certainly fail as he has a total mental block with maths in a stress situation...and exams are very stressful situations for him. Still he is increasing his days at Revive and has a job there as soon as a job that fits him comes up. It will cause massive problems with his funding from Social Services but that's not my problem to solve...apart from the fact I'll undoubtedly be out of pocket. I always said he was an expensive hobby, but totally worth it. Even when he's being a arse and swearing a DD constantly.
I am actively avoiding British news at the moment...I'm not alone in that, I saw a statistic that said about half the population was avoiding the news and about 3/4 gave Brexit as the reason. It's totally my reason I just find all the hate and misinformation peddled as 'news' quite offensive. I won't go as far as to call it 'fake news' but its very slanted and not in my direction!
I am following American new instead and that's hard enough, the world is not a good or safe place. I worry about DS1, his life will be less easy than mine and a hell of a lot harder than my parents who had so may opportunities that just don't exist any more.
I can see mass migration, for jobs, resources including water, being an increasing problem and I don't see any answers. Certainly non of the politicians seem to have any answers...no matter which country they come from. There have been many periods of history that were hard, the 1930's seem to have pretty crap in most of the world and the 1940's even harder for some...but the current situation does seem to be building up to be 'perfect storm'. It may well be that if I had the benefit of hindsight the current situation would seem less dire, who knows. Certainly my own world is not looking great for the next few years.
I am currently working on getting my body funeral ready, I intend to look amazing when my DM finally snuffs it. I reckon I have a few years to work on it but I want to look my very best, I despise her so much, she still thinks she should be the major victim in my life and I should focus on her. Well it's not happening so she can sit and feel sorry for her self I really don't care . My DD doesn't sit and wallow in self pity and she is coping with a lot of pain and constantly diminishing levels of energy. She has my total respect, my DM doesn't.
Update: well DD had her operation and recovered really well as far as the actual operation. But it has left her even more easily tired than she was before, not a good place to be as the summer holidays approaches! DP was a total arse and couldn't even be bothered to speak to her the morning we were taking her to the hospital...she had to be there by 7am so we were leaving the house for not much after 6am. I know he doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his fragile little ego but it was ignorant and incredibly unkind.
A few days ago he was sounding off...in another room to DS2 but I was very much supposed to hear...about how he (DP) is 'isolated' from things that are happening in the family. Well you reap what you sow and he opted out of the family many years ago when it became apparent that he wasn't worshipped... as he felt he should be! He is the total looser, DD, DS1 and DS2 are all awesome people and I am immensely proud to be their mum every day!
Another thing worth noting....my parents have been noticeable by their absence....no idea what I'm supposed to be have done to offend them but the peace and quiet have been lovely. Who knows maybe they are as bored as I am by the meaningless and indeed content-less 'conversation's.
Update 2: DS1 has finally got a job!! It's just a warehouse job but who cares he will actually be working and filling up his CV. I am sooo happy!
It's been incredibly hot this week...I have never experienced hotter weather in Leeds and its not making any of us happy. Ruth is particular is miserable with the heat. Hopefully it won't last too much longer.
Update 3: well I celebrated too soon, in spite of 2 sessions of filling in paperwork and three days doing courses for warehouse work DS1 is no nearer a job than he was before. It's getting depressing to say the least. Fingers crossed something turns up!
Tuesday, 26 March 2019
Glad Winter is over
It's been a really mild winter, virtually no ice or snow. Definitely my idea of a good winter! Still it's nice to have brighter mornings and less cold weather.
Grundo had to have his blood work done again in the New Year to check how his thyroid meds were doing. Getting his blood taken was fun...he'd struggled previously so I'd got him a tranquilliser so he wouldn't be as stressed. This worked the first time but the next time, even with a dose of happy pills he was fighting so hard two vets together and how ever many nurses were around couldn't get a blood sample so we'd got to take him back the following day so he could be sedated! For a blood test!! Anyway his thyroid levels came back low, and while the dosage could have been worked out it wasn't worth it as it was apparent that his kidneys, which had been giving odd readings for months, had given up the ghost. He had another few weeks for us to love and pamper him. He had chicken broth made...he loved it! He was particularly enthusiastic about the chicken skin which DD fried until it was very crispy.
By the end he was struggling to drink...I think it was just too much effort but he could still eat the chicken broth jelly. He spent all his time snuggled on the sofa being loved by DS1, DD or myself and was coping, though was starting to be in pain and his stomach was getting VERY sore. We got the vet to come to the house to euthanize him....given how stressed he was at the vets taking him there just seemed to be unnecessarily mean.
We miss him all the time, he was a lovely, gentle cat with a mass of love to share. He also had the most beautiful fur black with highlights of turquoise and red-bronze in the sun.
Our other cat Ruth is getting used to being able to roam and will follow DD downstairs but will mostly stay in the bedroom. She is still very skittish and nervous and very obviously loves DD with all her catty little heart and enjoys most snuggling her.
DD is having real problems with pain from her wisdom teeth. We eventually managed to get her to a dentist...she had been very reluctant to go as she was worried she'd be dismissed because she doesn't have enough energy to look after her teeth properly. Fortunately the dentist was really good, actually knew what M.E. is which is unusual and got her referred to get the teeth taken out under general anaesthetic. Hopefully it will all be sorted in another month or so.
Other than that she is still deteriorating and constantly having to cope with ever diminishing energy levels. It's so hard for her and she does struggle to stay out of major depression. She has taken up a new hobby of repainting dolls...it looks slightly macabre as she has various dismembered dolls on her desk as she's in the middle of working on them, and it obviously massively expensive, but she is enjoying it and is very good at what she does.
DS1 is slogging through his courses and is looking at some other courses that would be worth taking. He was starting to get depressed but seems to feel better now he has more of a plan and seems to be feeling happier. He is now insured on my car as a learner driver so we will be going out occasionally so he can practise between lessons.
DS2 has a plan for next year...he will stay with Swarthmore which is brilliant for him and also stay volunteering a Revive looking to increase the number of days he does and ultimately look at getting a job. A job will mess up his funding from St Anne's which is mostly benefits but I don't care, they can work all that out, Austin will love having a JOB and it will make him feel super grown up.
DM is still in the land of the living but is getting/ acting increasingly feeble. DP and I went over to Malton recently and she shuffles now instead of walking but I still have my money on her lasting out her century. DF is happily getting on his gardening and sorting other stuff he enjoys.
I am back to trying to sort my weight, after getting down to 12 stone my weight has drifted back up and I am now close to where I started. I really am not happy about it. I loved being 12 stone, I felt so good about myself and really felt I looked good. I am still getting myself new clothes when I need any and still liking myself so that didn't go away when I put the weight back on but I will like being slimmer again....mostly because DM will loath it!! After hating my weight most of the life...oh and how much I knew she hated it!....she no longer has anything approaching a 'figure' and she no longer feels stylish, so if I look good she will hate it. I am never supposed to be 'better' than her! (To be honest she hasn't been stylish in many years...I remember her dressing well in the 1970's but it was a bad period so the bar was set low...mostly she wears too many layers of mismatched brown clothes which looks crap on a short lumpy woman).
The news is all depressing, so much so I have been furiously avoiding all UK news and focusing on American news. It's still depressing but it's a long way away and I really struggle to understand it all which helps make it feel even less real. I have been haunting the justnomil thread on Reddit and some of the stories are just bizarre! It does prove however unpleasant and inadequate a parent my DM was/is she could have been worse. Not that that's much of a consolation really. She was still a shit mum.
Grundo had to have his blood work done again in the New Year to check how his thyroid meds were doing. Getting his blood taken was fun...he'd struggled previously so I'd got him a tranquilliser so he wouldn't be as stressed. This worked the first time but the next time, even with a dose of happy pills he was fighting so hard two vets together and how ever many nurses were around couldn't get a blood sample so we'd got to take him back the following day so he could be sedated! For a blood test!! Anyway his thyroid levels came back low, and while the dosage could have been worked out it wasn't worth it as it was apparent that his kidneys, which had been giving odd readings for months, had given up the ghost. He had another few weeks for us to love and pamper him. He had chicken broth made...he loved it! He was particularly enthusiastic about the chicken skin which DD fried until it was very crispy.
By the end he was struggling to drink...I think it was just too much effort but he could still eat the chicken broth jelly. He spent all his time snuggled on the sofa being loved by DS1, DD or myself and was coping, though was starting to be in pain and his stomach was getting VERY sore. We got the vet to come to the house to euthanize him....given how stressed he was at the vets taking him there just seemed to be unnecessarily mean.
We miss him all the time, he was a lovely, gentle cat with a mass of love to share. He also had the most beautiful fur black with highlights of turquoise and red-bronze in the sun.
Our other cat Ruth is getting used to being able to roam and will follow DD downstairs but will mostly stay in the bedroom. She is still very skittish and nervous and very obviously loves DD with all her catty little heart and enjoys most snuggling her.
DD is having real problems with pain from her wisdom teeth. We eventually managed to get her to a dentist...she had been very reluctant to go as she was worried she'd be dismissed because she doesn't have enough energy to look after her teeth properly. Fortunately the dentist was really good, actually knew what M.E. is which is unusual and got her referred to get the teeth taken out under general anaesthetic. Hopefully it will all be sorted in another month or so.
Other than that she is still deteriorating and constantly having to cope with ever diminishing energy levels. It's so hard for her and she does struggle to stay out of major depression. She has taken up a new hobby of repainting dolls...it looks slightly macabre as she has various dismembered dolls on her desk as she's in the middle of working on them, and it obviously massively expensive, but she is enjoying it and is very good at what she does.
DS1 is slogging through his courses and is looking at some other courses that would be worth taking. He was starting to get depressed but seems to feel better now he has more of a plan and seems to be feeling happier. He is now insured on my car as a learner driver so we will be going out occasionally so he can practise between lessons.
DS2 has a plan for next year...he will stay with Swarthmore which is brilliant for him and also stay volunteering a Revive looking to increase the number of days he does and ultimately look at getting a job. A job will mess up his funding from St Anne's which is mostly benefits but I don't care, they can work all that out, Austin will love having a JOB and it will make him feel super grown up.
DM is still in the land of the living but is getting/ acting increasingly feeble. DP and I went over to Malton recently and she shuffles now instead of walking but I still have my money on her lasting out her century. DF is happily getting on his gardening and sorting other stuff he enjoys.
I am back to trying to sort my weight, after getting down to 12 stone my weight has drifted back up and I am now close to where I started. I really am not happy about it. I loved being 12 stone, I felt so good about myself and really felt I looked good. I am still getting myself new clothes when I need any and still liking myself so that didn't go away when I put the weight back on but I will like being slimmer again....mostly because DM will loath it!! After hating my weight most of the life...oh and how much I knew she hated it!....she no longer has anything approaching a 'figure' and she no longer feels stylish, so if I look good she will hate it. I am never supposed to be 'better' than her! (To be honest she hasn't been stylish in many years...I remember her dressing well in the 1970's but it was a bad period so the bar was set low...mostly she wears too many layers of mismatched brown clothes which looks crap on a short lumpy woman).
The news is all depressing, so much so I have been furiously avoiding all UK news and focusing on American news. It's still depressing but it's a long way away and I really struggle to understand it all which helps make it feel even less real. I have been haunting the justnomil thread on Reddit and some of the stories are just bizarre! It does prove however unpleasant and inadequate a parent my DM was/is she could have been worse. Not that that's much of a consolation really. She was still a shit mum.
Saturday, 29 December 2018
Nearly 2019
Well we survived another Xmas. We ate our 'Christmas dinner' on the 22nd December as that was the day I collected the food we'd ordered. We'd ordered full turkeys not crowns which was fine as DS1 managed to follow an online tutorial DD found and create our own crowns. It meant there was plenty of dark meat which we cooked without any salt so the cats could eat some. Grundo LOVED turkey and is less than happy its all gone.
We didn't bother with any decorations at all this year, though DS2 did make some paper chains for his room. DP and I went over to Malton the week before Xmas as he was off work...December was a crap month with all the time he had off! DM was being very feeble and pathetic, she has stage 2 breast cancer from the limited information I got...this means her survival rate is 98% after 5 years. That's obviously not dramatic enough for DM hence all the feeble over acting! DF was also not over happy...he's had carpel tunnel in his right hand, which is painful I had it after DD was born and its still attacks a bit. Anyway DF had a operation to fix it, the joys of being able to afford private medicine, it left him feeling a bit annoyed as his hand wasn't instantly back to normal. He also complained at how little free time he's got with having to look after DM...I didn't laugh but, honestly, what does he think I do all day. I am a full time carer for two of my offspring, DD and DS2, I may not be busy 24/7 but I am on-call all the time, everyday with no time off for the last 14 years. I think it's part of why I liked the gym so much, a whole hour where I could listen to music and NOT be interrupted by anyone.
DM obviously felt her Xmas cancer meant I had to be available to entertain her at any moment and took to phoning me...4 time one day. I have weaned her off that and its now only a couple of times a week and am hoping it fades off soon. Who knows 2019 might finally see the end of her! I can live in hope.
Today...finally...DP has gone to see his stepmum...he took DS1 and DS2, after all he can't even go to the gym on his own. I think this is the first time he's been down to see her since his DF died and that was about 6 years ago! He is so rude and ignorant. DD and I have enjoyed a really lovely peaceful day. We have watched some TV in peace and quiet and had a takeaway that was ok if not memorable. Now we are just waiting for them to come back which is likely to be very soon.
Ruth is still a nervous cat and not keen on exploring beyond DD's room. She is getting better, but very slowly, at least she looks better and isn't so sticky and unloved looking. She had to have her last tooth taken out when we got her and lots of repair work done on the dental work that had been done/botched...at the shelter she was in. She is less pain now and no infection, the vets were plainly crap.
We got the roof sorted and all the plumbing work which we hadn't budgeted for but which needed to be done once the roofer could actually see what a mess our builder had made of the work. Nice to have it finally done right. We also had to replace DD's laptop, she'd had her previous laptop for 2 years and it had needed repairing about 3 times during that period. When the same error came back again it seemed a good time to upgrade. Her new laptop seems to be a total winner so far, now we just need to save up to pay for it....as well as paying back DS1 the money we borrowed from him to pay the roofers.
We only have 2 more days before DP goes back to work and oh God will be happy to see the back of him. He really struggles to find anything to do at home other than the stuff he does on a weekend and that's not enough to fill the best part of 2 weeks! He is also an utter arse to DS2 and is incredibly nasty and rude to him. OK I get it DS2 can, and indeed all too frequently is, really annoying and silly but he does not deserve the treatment he gets from DP. Unfortunately DP still sees DS2 as a toy he can play with when he's not at work to stop him getting bored, with the added bonus of martyrdom, cue lots of heaving and sighing...he is an utter twat. If I had the money he would be kicked out so fast his head would spin!
The news is all so depressing I have been avoiding it as much as possible. I have taken to reading American news instead as it may, and indeed is, depressing as hell but it's at a suitable remove so not as hard to cope with. Next year look as though it may be interesting, and not in a good way, for Trump which makes reading the news worthwhile. Hopefully Brexit will eventually happen and UK news can stop being so terminally horrible and boring.
For myself I want the same for 2019 that I always want, DS1 to get a job or some kind of actual life. DS2 to find something to do once he leaves College to keep himself occupied...which he may well have at Revive, fingers crossed. DD to be in less pain and to have enough energy to have some kind of life. DP to f**k off would be nice, or me to have to money to tell him to f**k off. My DM to finally put us all out of her misery by finally dying! She has been in ill health for so many years its getting silly. We will see, to be honest the only one I see happening is DS2 and if he gets a part time job I can forsee all kinds of problems as he suddenly thinks it means he is a 'proper grown up' and can do exactly what he wants and all of that malarky. Only time will tell.
We didn't bother with any decorations at all this year, though DS2 did make some paper chains for his room. DP and I went over to Malton the week before Xmas as he was off work...December was a crap month with all the time he had off! DM was being very feeble and pathetic, she has stage 2 breast cancer from the limited information I got...this means her survival rate is 98% after 5 years. That's obviously not dramatic enough for DM hence all the feeble over acting! DF was also not over happy...he's had carpel tunnel in his right hand, which is painful I had it after DD was born and its still attacks a bit. Anyway DF had a operation to fix it, the joys of being able to afford private medicine, it left him feeling a bit annoyed as his hand wasn't instantly back to normal. He also complained at how little free time he's got with having to look after DM...I didn't laugh but, honestly, what does he think I do all day. I am a full time carer for two of my offspring, DD and DS2, I may not be busy 24/7 but I am on-call all the time, everyday with no time off for the last 14 years. I think it's part of why I liked the gym so much, a whole hour where I could listen to music and NOT be interrupted by anyone.
DM obviously felt her Xmas cancer meant I had to be available to entertain her at any moment and took to phoning me...4 time one day. I have weaned her off that and its now only a couple of times a week and am hoping it fades off soon. Who knows 2019 might finally see the end of her! I can live in hope.
Today...finally...DP has gone to see his stepmum...he took DS1 and DS2, after all he can't even go to the gym on his own. I think this is the first time he's been down to see her since his DF died and that was about 6 years ago! He is so rude and ignorant. DD and I have enjoyed a really lovely peaceful day. We have watched some TV in peace and quiet and had a takeaway that was ok if not memorable. Now we are just waiting for them to come back which is likely to be very soon.
Ruth is still a nervous cat and not keen on exploring beyond DD's room. She is getting better, but very slowly, at least she looks better and isn't so sticky and unloved looking. She had to have her last tooth taken out when we got her and lots of repair work done on the dental work that had been done/botched...at the shelter she was in. She is less pain now and no infection, the vets were plainly crap.
We got the roof sorted and all the plumbing work which we hadn't budgeted for but which needed to be done once the roofer could actually see what a mess our builder had made of the work. Nice to have it finally done right. We also had to replace DD's laptop, she'd had her previous laptop for 2 years and it had needed repairing about 3 times during that period. When the same error came back again it seemed a good time to upgrade. Her new laptop seems to be a total winner so far, now we just need to save up to pay for it....as well as paying back DS1 the money we borrowed from him to pay the roofers.
We only have 2 more days before DP goes back to work and oh God will be happy to see the back of him. He really struggles to find anything to do at home other than the stuff he does on a weekend and that's not enough to fill the best part of 2 weeks! He is also an utter arse to DS2 and is incredibly nasty and rude to him. OK I get it DS2 can, and indeed all too frequently is, really annoying and silly but he does not deserve the treatment he gets from DP. Unfortunately DP still sees DS2 as a toy he can play with when he's not at work to stop him getting bored, with the added bonus of martyrdom, cue lots of heaving and sighing...he is an utter twat. If I had the money he would be kicked out so fast his head would spin!
The news is all so depressing I have been avoiding it as much as possible. I have taken to reading American news instead as it may, and indeed is, depressing as hell but it's at a suitable remove so not as hard to cope with. Next year look as though it may be interesting, and not in a good way, for Trump which makes reading the news worthwhile. Hopefully Brexit will eventually happen and UK news can stop being so terminally horrible and boring.
For myself I want the same for 2019 that I always want, DS1 to get a job or some kind of actual life. DS2 to find something to do once he leaves College to keep himself occupied...which he may well have at Revive, fingers crossed. DD to be in less pain and to have enough energy to have some kind of life. DP to f**k off would be nice, or me to have to money to tell him to f**k off. My DM to finally put us all out of her misery by finally dying! She has been in ill health for so many years its getting silly. We will see, to be honest the only one I see happening is DS2 and if he gets a part time job I can forsee all kinds of problems as he suddenly thinks it means he is a 'proper grown up' and can do exactly what he wants and all of that malarky. Only time will tell.
Friday, 16 November 2018
A belated update
Its been a busy few months with little or no privacy to write anything. A lot has happened though.
The kitchen is still looking lovely and I also repainted bits of the bathroom and DS1 finally put up some handrails for DD to help her move around when she's extra tired.
We are also saving up to redo the roof over the bathroom to finally stop water coming in...it needs extreme wind as well as rain but its still not good and has to be sorted. It not cheap but we are saving hard and the roofer was kind enough to say he'd take the money in instalments if necessary.
We also got another cat. I had refused as DD is realistically way too tired and poorly to cope with settling in a new cat and introducing Grundo and all that. But she refused to accept it so she is now complaining she is exhausted by our new cat, a 14 year old called Ruth (after Ruth Bader Ginsburg). Ruth needed a new home after her owner had to go into home and she has very plainly not been happy about any of this. Weirdly she is the most nervous of our cats but seems happy with DD and affectionate which is very much what DD demanded....she is lucky her new cat provided what she wants.
DD has been having massive amounts of face pain and she eventually agreed to find a dentist and see if her teeth were causing the problem. She had a tooth that needed a crown which was way beyond DD's ability to cope with so she got the tooth pulled and after a couple of days it seems to be doing the trick. She also needs her wisdom teeth taking out but she'll need to go to the Dental Hospital for that and get them taken out under general anaesthetic...no one is looking forward to that, though they have been causing pain for years.
Had a phone call from DM recently to say she has breast cancer...why not lung cancer given her heavy smoking for more than 60 years is a mystery! I was less than sympathetic she is 78 and there is no indication its more than Stage 1 or 2 so I'm not rushing to be by her side. I am already expecting the complaints from DF about why we should all turn up for Xmas as it 'may be DM's last'. Won't work...even if DD was well enough to leave the house DS1 refusing to go again and DS2 will only go if I insist because he doesn't like them. I have no desire to see either of them and would be only too happy to hear its actually Stage 4 cancer and she has weeks to live...I'm not that lucky though.
Other than that DS1 is finally learning to drive which is positive and he's also doing a joinery course which is driving him insane as its sooo basic, though does eventually lead to proper qualification and the prospect of jobs he's bothered to do.
DS2 is finding life hard and boring and he's grown up and he's scared about being independent...its all a mess. He tries hard and he can be lovely but he can also be unpleasant.
DP continues to be a self absorbed arse. Fortunately he has been away for work for a few weeks which is good but he let drop the unpleasant information that he is off for a lot of days in December...what a crap run up to Xmas! It was recently DS1's birthday which DP totally ignored. I expected him to ignore mine...it was on the 100th anniversary to the armistice in 1918 and it would have been inappropriate to celebrate a birthday that day. But to totally ignore your son's birthday is ignorant even for DP. No wonder he is not popular! He has taken to huffing and generally behaving as if he is being verbally attacked if I try to ask him a question or reply to anything he says...its increasingly apparent he requires and audience not a participant in any 'conversation'.
The kitchen is still looking lovely and I also repainted bits of the bathroom and DS1 finally put up some handrails for DD to help her move around when she's extra tired.
We are also saving up to redo the roof over the bathroom to finally stop water coming in...it needs extreme wind as well as rain but its still not good and has to be sorted. It not cheap but we are saving hard and the roofer was kind enough to say he'd take the money in instalments if necessary.
We also got another cat. I had refused as DD is realistically way too tired and poorly to cope with settling in a new cat and introducing Grundo and all that. But she refused to accept it so she is now complaining she is exhausted by our new cat, a 14 year old called Ruth (after Ruth Bader Ginsburg). Ruth needed a new home after her owner had to go into home and she has very plainly not been happy about any of this. Weirdly she is the most nervous of our cats but seems happy with DD and affectionate which is very much what DD demanded....she is lucky her new cat provided what she wants.
DD has been having massive amounts of face pain and she eventually agreed to find a dentist and see if her teeth were causing the problem. She had a tooth that needed a crown which was way beyond DD's ability to cope with so she got the tooth pulled and after a couple of days it seems to be doing the trick. She also needs her wisdom teeth taking out but she'll need to go to the Dental Hospital for that and get them taken out under general anaesthetic...no one is looking forward to that, though they have been causing pain for years.
Had a phone call from DM recently to say she has breast cancer...why not lung cancer given her heavy smoking for more than 60 years is a mystery! I was less than sympathetic she is 78 and there is no indication its more than Stage 1 or 2 so I'm not rushing to be by her side. I am already expecting the complaints from DF about why we should all turn up for Xmas as it 'may be DM's last'. Won't work...even if DD was well enough to leave the house DS1 refusing to go again and DS2 will only go if I insist because he doesn't like them. I have no desire to see either of them and would be only too happy to hear its actually Stage 4 cancer and she has weeks to live...I'm not that lucky though.
Other than that DS1 is finally learning to drive which is positive and he's also doing a joinery course which is driving him insane as its sooo basic, though does eventually lead to proper qualification and the prospect of jobs he's bothered to do.
DS2 is finding life hard and boring and he's grown up and he's scared about being independent...its all a mess. He tries hard and he can be lovely but he can also be unpleasant.
DP continues to be a self absorbed arse. Fortunately he has been away for work for a few weeks which is good but he let drop the unpleasant information that he is off for a lot of days in December...what a crap run up to Xmas! It was recently DS1's birthday which DP totally ignored. I expected him to ignore mine...it was on the 100th anniversary to the armistice in 1918 and it would have been inappropriate to celebrate a birthday that day. But to totally ignore your son's birthday is ignorant even for DP. No wonder he is not popular! He has taken to huffing and generally behaving as if he is being verbally attacked if I try to ask him a question or reply to anything he says...its increasingly apparent he requires and audience not a participant in any 'conversation'.
Monday, 20 August 2018
Life keeps shitting on us
This has not been a great summer. First we had weeks of intensely hot weather...DS1 couldn't cope in his room at all and none of us got any sleep. I spent the whole time in a puddle of sweat. Neither of the cats liked it, Millie was particularly unhappy with all the heat.
DD has deteriorated even further and has had a facial migraine that is currently into its 3rd week. It's so bad she has started an elimination diet to see if anything she eats is triggering the migraines. To be fair she desperately needs to loose a bit of weight ...she is well over 20 stone now and its not good for her, so hopefully the elimination diet will help a bit.
We found out today Millie has liver cancer and its already moved onto her lungs as well so there is nothing the vets can do. She possibly has a couple of months left but that's it. The news couldn't be worse and we are all very upset, she is such a sweet snuggly cat and DD will miss her dreadfully. We won't be catless as we do have Grundo who is a total sweetheart, but we will still miss Millie.
Other than that our summer has been very dull, we can't get out because DD is too ill to leave the house and isn't really well enough for us to leave her on her own. DS1 and I are going to redecorate the kitchen the last week in August when DP is off work...our timing has nothing to do with inconveniencing him obviously...a total coincidence! We have sorted replacing the flooring which is elderly and grubby now and we are also getting new blinds. DS1 is also going to resand the table and put fresh varnish on it...DS2 and DP managed to trash the varnish within hours last time it was done. They have been warned not to repeat that!
DM and DF have been notable by their absence which is fine by me...I think DM may have finally noticed she isn't my favourite person, she hands the phone over to DF very quickly which is a very new development. I think they've been over once this summer, I can't get over to them so its been pleasant on that front.
Looking forward to the autumn, cooler weather and hopefully DD finds what is triggering her pain...I hoping its not just another crappy M.E. symptom.
UPDATE: well Millie didn't have any time left at all. Once she got back from the vets she obviously decided as we now knew she had cancer she could stop fighting to hide how ill she was. She was in increasing pain and stopped being able to eat, even though we were feeding her cooked chicken and salmon! We found out on Tuesday and and she went to the vets on Friday to be PTS. It was a heartbreaking decision to make as she had moments where she appeared ok but it was the right choice as she her pain was only going to increase.
DD discovered that her migraines are triggered by wheat/gluten. She is now migraine free which is a plus but she is finding it hard to cope without Millie, having DP at home all week and the disruption of decorating all at the same time without her standard comfort food!
The kitchen is mostly redecorated now and looks so lovely and clean...it won't last but I'm enjoying it while I can.
DM and DF dropped by while DS1 and I were in the middle of decorating, they had been told it was not a convenient time to come....but they are both too stupid and selfish to listen. DF told me we had only just started...the room was about half finished....he is so wrapped up in his own little world he doesn't see anything else as real. As they didn't bother giving any notice they were coming DD was still in the living room, not good for her and she spasmed badly the whole time they were here, not too long fortunately I was very unwelcoming. I escorted DM out so she couldn't wander into the living room, she is nosy bitch, which left DF to poke his nose into the room.
DF phoned this evening and was obviously wanting to talk about DD...I told him he'd been rude and tried to say it was unhelpful to DD but he went into monologue mode and I gave up listening...I put the phone back to my ear every few minutes and he was still talking...in the end I said I was busy and hung up. So incredibly rude, as far as they are concerned my purpose is to be an audience, I am not supposed to speak only listen. If I am so stupid as to try and speak they will both utterly ignore my voice and talk over me. Just so cross, they can be nasty to me but harming my DD is NOT acceptable. They can both f*ck off.
UPDATE 2: Grundo has his annual health check up and he has the beginnings of kidney disease, not a surprise given his age and his hyperthyroid operation but still very unwelcome news. We did think about looking for other cats but he is so obviously enjoying being an only cat and getting all the attention its not a good time to get any other cats. Maybe later.
DD has deteriorated even further and has had a facial migraine that is currently into its 3rd week. It's so bad she has started an elimination diet to see if anything she eats is triggering the migraines. To be fair she desperately needs to loose a bit of weight ...she is well over 20 stone now and its not good for her, so hopefully the elimination diet will help a bit.
We found out today Millie has liver cancer and its already moved onto her lungs as well so there is nothing the vets can do. She possibly has a couple of months left but that's it. The news couldn't be worse and we are all very upset, she is such a sweet snuggly cat and DD will miss her dreadfully. We won't be catless as we do have Grundo who is a total sweetheart, but we will still miss Millie.
Other than that our summer has been very dull, we can't get out because DD is too ill to leave the house and isn't really well enough for us to leave her on her own. DS1 and I are going to redecorate the kitchen the last week in August when DP is off work...our timing has nothing to do with inconveniencing him obviously...a total coincidence! We have sorted replacing the flooring which is elderly and grubby now and we are also getting new blinds. DS1 is also going to resand the table and put fresh varnish on it...DS2 and DP managed to trash the varnish within hours last time it was done. They have been warned not to repeat that!
DM and DF have been notable by their absence which is fine by me...I think DM may have finally noticed she isn't my favourite person, she hands the phone over to DF very quickly which is a very new development. I think they've been over once this summer, I can't get over to them so its been pleasant on that front.
Looking forward to the autumn, cooler weather and hopefully DD finds what is triggering her pain...I hoping its not just another crappy M.E. symptom.
UPDATE: well Millie didn't have any time left at all. Once she got back from the vets she obviously decided as we now knew she had cancer she could stop fighting to hide how ill she was. She was in increasing pain and stopped being able to eat, even though we were feeding her cooked chicken and salmon! We found out on Tuesday and and she went to the vets on Friday to be PTS. It was a heartbreaking decision to make as she had moments where she appeared ok but it was the right choice as she her pain was only going to increase.
DD discovered that her migraines are triggered by wheat/gluten. She is now migraine free which is a plus but she is finding it hard to cope without Millie, having DP at home all week and the disruption of decorating all at the same time without her standard comfort food!
The kitchen is mostly redecorated now and looks so lovely and clean...it won't last but I'm enjoying it while I can.
DM and DF dropped by while DS1 and I were in the middle of decorating, they had been told it was not a convenient time to come....but they are both too stupid and selfish to listen. DF told me we had only just started...the room was about half finished....he is so wrapped up in his own little world he doesn't see anything else as real. As they didn't bother giving any notice they were coming DD was still in the living room, not good for her and she spasmed badly the whole time they were here, not too long fortunately I was very unwelcoming. I escorted DM out so she couldn't wander into the living room, she is nosy bitch, which left DF to poke his nose into the room.
DF phoned this evening and was obviously wanting to talk about DD...I told him he'd been rude and tried to say it was unhelpful to DD but he went into monologue mode and I gave up listening...I put the phone back to my ear every few minutes and he was still talking...in the end I said I was busy and hung up. So incredibly rude, as far as they are concerned my purpose is to be an audience, I am not supposed to speak only listen. If I am so stupid as to try and speak they will both utterly ignore my voice and talk over me. Just so cross, they can be nasty to me but harming my DD is NOT acceptable. They can both f*ck off.
UPDATE 2: Grundo has his annual health check up and he has the beginnings of kidney disease, not a surprise given his age and his hyperthyroid operation but still very unwelcome news. We did think about looking for other cats but he is so obviously enjoying being an only cat and getting all the attention its not a good time to get any other cats. Maybe later.
Monday, 28 May 2018
'It's been a good life all in all'
The quote is from a song and every time I listen to it I have to agree that however crap life is...well not crap as such just very limited...I have had a good life.
I grew up in Scarborough at a time when I could have pretty much unlimited freedom to roam which was very special. I have so many memories of my brother and our friends wandering for miles playing all sorts of games. Not something I could let DD and DS1 do when they were young enough to enjoy it, just too many cars. The late 1960's and 1970's were a magic time to be in Scarborough, the gardens were immaculate in memory, certainly a lot better maintained than now! We had so much fun exploring ... not quite a 'Swallows and Amazons' childhood but close enough.
I was also lucky in having a brother I was very good friends with. We had lots of fun. My grandparents were also brilliant...my grandpa had a sweetie cupboard and we were allowed in it as an occasional treat. They were really special people and I was incredibly lucky to have them.
I have had jobs I really enjoyed...nothing that paid well but I still had a lot of fun.
I have the three most wonderful children in the world which is amazing and I am grateful for that every day.
So basically it has been a good life...okay its not perfect, my parents are not great and my DP is an arse and I would leave in a heartbeat if I had the money. I am devastated that my beautiful, perfect DD has M.E. and is in so much pain and is so ill. I am worried about DS1 still not having a job, though he does now have a plan which will, hopefully, work for him. I have continuing anxiety about DS2's future because life will never be easy for him and he will never be, safely, independent which does annoy him. But my life is good, I live in Yorkshire which means I have already won the lottery of life, I get to see trees and enjoy the sunshine through leaves. I get to listen to awesome music. My favourite author is bringing out 3 books this year...all good stuff.
I could concentrate on the bad stuff, and heaven knows there is enough....we have had yet another intruder in the house, DS1 saw it in the top bathroom and had a total meltdown he is still recovering from, he had to get anxiety meds from the doctors he was that stressed! We haven't told him that there has been yet another intruder, fortunately caught and dealt with....I am super sealing everywhere!! We have birds nesting under the roof tiles and the noise is dreadful at night. DD is still deteriorating and in pain. DM is obviously not well and being grumpy I can't/am not interested in visiting her and pandering to her need for adulation. But while all of that is real I would rather follow my grandparents example and enjoy the good stuff rather than moan about the rest.
My grandpa had a childhood of such poverty he suffered malnutrition, had to leave school at 13 to work even though he'd got a scholarship to the Grammar School. He got lead poisoning and was extremely lucky to get a doctor who was prepared to try a radical 'kill or cure' operation on him removing his stomach. I was blessed he survived so I got to know and love him and my grandma. He never complained about how hard his life had been, instead he felt he has been singularly blessed in his life and was very happy. My grandma had also not had an easy life, if less hard than grandpa's but also loved her life. I miss them all the time.
My DM on the other hand has had a pretty good life and any problems in later life are down to her choices, smoking has destroyed her health. But she is very well off and lives in a beautiful location with no major worries, but she moans and whinges all the time. She is a miserable person to talk to over the phone and in person she is embarrassing because of the horrid way she talk...or rather shouts ...at DF.
I know which example I'd rather follow so I will continue to be grateful I have had a 'good life all in all'.
I grew up in Scarborough at a time when I could have pretty much unlimited freedom to roam which was very special. I have so many memories of my brother and our friends wandering for miles playing all sorts of games. Not something I could let DD and DS1 do when they were young enough to enjoy it, just too many cars. The late 1960's and 1970's were a magic time to be in Scarborough, the gardens were immaculate in memory, certainly a lot better maintained than now! We had so much fun exploring ... not quite a 'Swallows and Amazons' childhood but close enough.
I was also lucky in having a brother I was very good friends with. We had lots of fun. My grandparents were also brilliant...my grandpa had a sweetie cupboard and we were allowed in it as an occasional treat. They were really special people and I was incredibly lucky to have them.
I have had jobs I really enjoyed...nothing that paid well but I still had a lot of fun.
I have the three most wonderful children in the world which is amazing and I am grateful for that every day.
So basically it has been a good life...okay its not perfect, my parents are not great and my DP is an arse and I would leave in a heartbeat if I had the money. I am devastated that my beautiful, perfect DD has M.E. and is in so much pain and is so ill. I am worried about DS1 still not having a job, though he does now have a plan which will, hopefully, work for him. I have continuing anxiety about DS2's future because life will never be easy for him and he will never be, safely, independent which does annoy him. But my life is good, I live in Yorkshire which means I have already won the lottery of life, I get to see trees and enjoy the sunshine through leaves. I get to listen to awesome music. My favourite author is bringing out 3 books this year...all good stuff.
I could concentrate on the bad stuff, and heaven knows there is enough....we have had yet another intruder in the house, DS1 saw it in the top bathroom and had a total meltdown he is still recovering from, he had to get anxiety meds from the doctors he was that stressed! We haven't told him that there has been yet another intruder, fortunately caught and dealt with....I am super sealing everywhere!! We have birds nesting under the roof tiles and the noise is dreadful at night. DD is still deteriorating and in pain. DM is obviously not well and being grumpy I can't/am not interested in visiting her and pandering to her need for adulation. But while all of that is real I would rather follow my grandparents example and enjoy the good stuff rather than moan about the rest.
My grandpa had a childhood of such poverty he suffered malnutrition, had to leave school at 13 to work even though he'd got a scholarship to the Grammar School. He got lead poisoning and was extremely lucky to get a doctor who was prepared to try a radical 'kill or cure' operation on him removing his stomach. I was blessed he survived so I got to know and love him and my grandma. He never complained about how hard his life had been, instead he felt he has been singularly blessed in his life and was very happy. My grandma had also not had an easy life, if less hard than grandpa's but also loved her life. I miss them all the time.
My DM on the other hand has had a pretty good life and any problems in later life are down to her choices, smoking has destroyed her health. But she is very well off and lives in a beautiful location with no major worries, but she moans and whinges all the time. She is a miserable person to talk to over the phone and in person she is embarrassing because of the horrid way she talk...or rather shouts ...at DF.
I know which example I'd rather follow so I will continue to be grateful I have had a 'good life all in all'.
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