Life continues to happen

 The last time I wrote a post was the beginning of June and it’s now October. It’s been a period of being very busy but not a lot happening.

DD is still 100% housebound, really hard to see them ever leaving the house again. Not a happy thought and their health has fluctuated but they are already dipping for their winter flare and its only the very beginning of October…last year they were still up to a trip to the Lakes in October. Okay we knew such a big trip was insane and we only did it because their health was deteriorating so much it was a case of now or never, but they are currently unable to wash and have had to go back to bed baths…not a good sign. They are looking into starting a very small mailing club celebrating the changing seasons for a few other bedbound people. They are having a load of fun creating all the art work…expensive fun as they obviously need a load of supplies (all their hobbies have been eye wateringly expensive), they are also doing scrap journaling which needs a massive amount of supplies. It’s good to see them doing stuff they can enjoy.

DS2 is having a hard time emotionally. He is wanting to be back dating his girlfriend …even though they broke up because he wanted to date someone else…he also has an ever growing list of other women he’d like to date…I’ve said he can’t date again until he’s 30 in the hopes he grows up a touch in the intervening years…not awfully hopeful to be honest but who knows. DS2 is also struggling with work, he’s finding it all very hard. His foot continuing to be painful doesn’t help. He is exhausting but his pain is real…he is realising just how disabled he and his friends are and it worries him and also frustrates him because he sees other people moving on with their lives and they can’t. 

DS1 is still in renovation hell. Every job in his house involves a side quest…asbestos, moving pipes so his new doors could be fit,  and on and on. He currently has a beautiful new bathroom and kitchen but still needs to remove all the wallpaper…a much more tome consuming job than he is anticipating but he’ll learn…or hopefully not. He also needs to get a plasterer in to sort where the electrician has made holes to rewire and then sort skirting boards, floor boards and bannister rail and boxing in pipes. he’s thinking he might need to do those jobs himself as he is running out of money…all the work…and skips he’s needed…have been VERY expensive. DD and I have given him all our money…to the extent we may not have a car next year when the Motibility runs out…but houses are expensive. Still the end is kind of in sight and he is still hoping to be move in before the end of the year. The house will be amazing for DS1 when it’s all done…many years from now! But it is big enough to give DS1 space for all his stuff and space to live.

DP continues to be a self absorbed arse. He has this idea of himself as someone who notices everything …very Sherlock Holmes. In reality he is oblivious anything that is not directly retaliated to himself and his version of reality. It took him nearly 2 months before he questioned why he’d not seen Ruthie…after she’d had to go to the vets to be PTS! He hasn’t seen or spoken to DD in years but doesn’t seem to think that’s odd. He was away with work one week and we moved his chest of drawers out of the bedroom so I could move my desk upstairs…he realised it was so I could be closer to DD but didn’t ask any questions about how they are. He really doesn’t care about anyone in the world except himself…not even his children.

Other than that the world is continuing much as everyone expected…lurching from one crisis to the next. Climate change is increasing visibly hour by hour and just seems to be ignored. A.I. is the current talking point…I’m a total Luddite and want any ‘industrial growth to be regulated according to ethical principles and the pursuit of profit to be subordinated to human needs’…totally not happening. The Genocide in Gaza and the West Bank continues in full view of the world and most people just ignore it…I could go on. DP still seems to favour Zionism, because of course he does…knob. My DF is appalled by what is happening but is getting older and is increasingly self centred…he also was pretty self centred…and mostly talks about how lovely his life is but at least he has some morals. 

100 days

 DD’s health plunged off a cliff in December last year…it has been failing for years…every time I reread old posts I’m always bemoaning the fact that their health is deteriorating. Well last December they officially accepted that they had moved from moderate to severe ME. They are totally housebound, the 2 doctors appointments they managed in January/ February were brutal and not repeatable. When they needed blood tests this week a nurse from the Practice came out and sorted it, luckily they were very nice. But the PEM has still hit and DD is currently struggling to stay awake for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

Today marks 100 days since they last left the house at all. Not a good milestone. The same week they had their 33rd birthday…DS2 and I went to York to pick up cake which made the day slightly festive. DP obviously ignored the day totally…as did my DF. The last time my parents remembered DD’s birthday was 2019…so 7 years ago. The contempt I feel for them is mountainous…the fact my DM is dead diminishes her part not at all. My DB does remember birthdays …with a card and £20, not exactly putting any effort in! He hasn’t contacted me once since I dropped the rope heaven only know’s how many years ago… DD had been sick a few years but not that many…but he found it all too depressing. I checked back and first mentioned DB’s lack of interest in DD’s illness in 2015… no idea how long before that he made the comment but it’s been a long time and he is plenty capable of picking up the rope if he’s bothered. Though to be 100% honest if he did reach out at this point I’d probably grey rock him. Once DF dies I’m very unlikely to have any contact with him at all…and I won’t miss him which is kind of sad because I still miss DB1 even after nearly 40 years.

I do find the lack of any support hard, I rarely get a full nights sleep and I’m on call 24 hours of every day. I do it all willingly and happily, but it would be nice to be seen, for someone to say ‘thanks’. Not DD…they are overwhelmingly grateful which is sooo unnecessary…of course they deserve all the care I can offer!

We had a heatwave over the May Bank Holiday…temperatures over 30C, which really affected DD and made them very poorly. They looked into air con and we found out it was very affordable and so they are getting a unit sorted in their room the middle of this month. The process will be horrific for DD…moving stuff in their room and the exhaustion of needing to move…but, hopefully, worth it in the end. The way temperatures are rising is really terrifying…I remember when the only places in the UK that got over 30C were in the south and usually in August…now its anywhere and looks like it can be anytime. Glad it’s cooler currently. 

In better news it looks like DS1 is going to get the keys to his house very soon. Not that this means he’ll be moving out anytime soon…the house needs a massive amount of work but he will be so happy to be able to start the work…he was really lucky and only actually looked at 3 houses and found this one very quickly…it did totally max out his budget but I think he will be very happy in the house once he can move in and then make it over to his ideal place over time. Really pleased, I wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to move out. 

 

And here I am again

 After not updating anything for months I’m now here with another update in less than a month. It’s not for good reasons.

DP went back to work after his eye operation and we had a week of peace and quiet while he was in Copenhagen. He was then supposed to have a couple more weeks away…which didn’t upset me. Instead his eye operation failed and he needed the operation redone in an emergency again. He’s been less clingy and pathetic this time but it’s not fun having him around all the time being rude, grumpy and self absorbed!

DD had to cancel two hospital appointments for tests…cardiology and an MRI for their liver. They had a doctors appointment and the exhaustion of getting downstairs was so intense they were vomiting and had to go into the appointment clutching a mixing bowl. They had to be realistic and accept getting to the appointments was not sensible and they are so exhausted and in so much pain they really don’t care. It’s a shame they weren’t getting their symptoms investigated years ago when it might have made a difference…it’s too late now. Life would be easier for them if they were sleeping most of the day which was how previous flares have gone. This time the pain is so aggressive they struggle to get any sleep at all.  All of which makes their life even more unbearable.

In wider news Trump has decided bombing Iran is a good idea…he doesn’t appear to have any end game in mind…hardly a surprise given his lack of intelligence, dementia, malignant narcissism, fragile ego etc.Tehran is already having poisonous rain because of the massive bombing of oil facilities never mind the deaths, including a girls school which was bombed twice! The effects are not going to be good and given how insane and psychopathic Trump and his acolytes are they may well decide to drop a nuclear bomb. Israel is obviously very happy with this state of affairs…I have read a number of dystopian novels with Israel nuking the Dome of the Rock…I may actually get to see that happen…Israel is a seriously evil state.

DD has been advocating for a while to get print copies of important books incase online books…which lots of mine are…start getting amended or deleted. DS1 has accumulated a massive stack of DVDs so he can still access the films he likes as so many are being deleted from streaming services. Digital book burning was never on my list of events I anticipated but again it’s something I may get to live through. We have also got a few survival bits and pieces like a camping stove and I’ve stocked up on batteries. We won’t be able to manage for more than few days if the electricity goes off permanently but we can cope for a couple of days. I can see 2026 is going to be a busy year!

Finally getting to update

 The last update was in October and it’s now nearly the end of February, that shows what kind of time we’ve all been having.

Lots has happened

• Aidan’s bathroom has been finished. It’s very shiny and he loves it. Fortunately it means DP has totally abandoned the other bathroom which is all good.
• DS1 has not only sorted his mortgage, which he did over New Year but he found a house and is in the process of buying it! Really happy for him, it’s going to need a huge amount of work but it will be worth it to get a house I imagine he’ll be in forever.
• DP was whinging about his vision in one eye being off…didn’t stop him driving. He was referred to the eye hospital and it was a detached retina…he really is falling to pieces! Anyway he had an emergency operation and was off work unable to drive for 2 weeks…he was soooo needy and following me around everywhere I can see him being retired will be heinous! Anyway he needs a second operation which is booked for the end of March, hopefully he’ll be less annoying this time round.
• The bad news is that DD is now bedridden. They have been declining for years and getting increasingly poorly for a year or so but the final drop was still a shock. It was just before Xmas, after a hospital appointment and they were finally, definitely severe ME rather than the borderline severe/moderate they’ve been insisting they were for years.Unfortunately this means we have had to stop swimming which they loved but they struggle to get from the bed to their chair! The situation isn’t helped by the extremes of pain they are in all the time, which means they get little to no sleep. Not fun.

Xmas was fine, I ended up seeing DF on Xmas Day for lunch with DP and DS2 but also just before with DB2 and his wife. DS2 decided he wasn’t well that day so stayed him in bed with DS1 keeping an eye on him. Not totally sure what anyone got out of the experience…after DF snuffs it I will probably not see either of them again. I occasionally email my cousin and I have a better relationship with her than I do with my brother!

I phoned DF in the new year mainly so I could vent about how scary it is with DD being so very poorly and how much DS1 was struggling to find a house he could afford that he wanted …  DF had no interest in hearing any of it. All he wants are ‘conversations’ where he tells me about his walks and I tell him everything is fine. Not particularly supportive or helpful! To give him his due he doesn’t huff and roll his eyes if I deign to speak which DP very much does…he really is getting to the point where he has no filter left and he is not a pleasant person and has zero interest in anyone but himself. Not sure when he last spoke to DD at all, not a conversation he doesn’t do those with anyone, but just spoke to them…years ago I would guess. He does try to monologue DS1 occasionally but doesn’t get very far. He has been aggressive and unpleasant and bullying to DS2 for years and that’s not stopping…even though they do plenty together. He’s not a good person. He tells me how witty and clever he is on Facebook and will monologue at me about shit he’s seen on YouTube but I’m very deaf and can ignore most of it. I haven’t done any washing, shopping, ironing, cooking or cleaning for him in years. Not sure what he’s getting from staying…a pleasant home and someone who sorts the upkeep of the house I guess. I know what I get and its money…he earns and we would struggle to survive without his money…which is going to be fun when he retires! Still I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Hopefully we get more good news than bad over the course of the year. The world news is scarily bad…Trump is plainly dying and has severe Alzheimer’s which is less than ideal in someone who has access to the nuclear codes! He is being managed by a bunch of heinous white supremacists. We have Starmer who has no convictions political or otherwise and is probably going to let the fascists in Reform win the next election…no ideal. The Epstein papers are being released dribs and  drabs and  show a network of horrific abuse and entitlement …no one is going to be held accountable for any of their crimes but it does show how we have ended up in a world with no morals or empathy. 

Another heatwave

 We’ve already had two spells of over hot weather… fortunately neither being prolonged but we are on the verge of another spell of hot weather with no end in sight, definitely going to be weeks and could, in theory, last till the end of summer. Certainly we are already suffering from lack of rain. Not my idea of fun. The last spate of heat coincided with me having the latest variant of Covid…which was not fun, the only plus was that DD didn’t get it…and DP was away for it! He was back as I was ill and was fucking useless! He was talking about what a narcissist his mum is…she is actually properly diagnosed as such…but everything he complained about is stuff he does…such as always thinking she’s right and the most intelligent person in the room! He has no ability to self reflect, it’s embarrassing.

Hopefully the heat will ease off sufficiently at night so we can get some sleep…I’m not counting on it. The weather is totally fucked, I remember when we had a day forecast to be 25C which would be sooo hot we would struggle to cope so went to Scarborough for the day…that’s not even that hot anymore. Climate change is fucking things up all over the world…perfect time to have a bunch of self serving morons in power … pretty much all leaders no matter what country are as bad as each other. America has Trump who kind of leads the way but he’s not alone. Starmer is pushing through legislation to take funding away from disabled people because he’s a eugenicist knob! Fascism is everywhere and no one seems to be fighting it…when people said what was being done in Gaza would come for all us they were so very right. 

It’s not all doom and gloom at home…Robyn’s bathroom is all finished and is beautiful. We are getting the kitchen floor replaced as I type and we will be getting Aidan’s shower room redone sometime this year. All hard work to live with and disruptive but make such a difference.

DP has been away a lot this summer which has made life so much easier … that seems to be coming to end but I’m sure he’ll be away again at some stage. He does take over so much of the house when he’s at home…manspreading writ large…he really does feel that he is the main character and we are all supporting actors…if not NPCs! 

DS1 is talking about sorting a mortgage offer so he can properly look for a house…he’s more than ready to move out…he just needs a big enough mortgage that he can get somewhere that’s not a pile of shit.

DS2 is still convinced he’s going to get his driving license at some stage and actually be allowed on the roads…he is so delusional.

DD is continuing to struggle with their health…they have effectively given up on social media posting..they don’t have the energy. They are finding life very hard…especially as their cat Ruthie looks like she is possibly getting closer to the rainbow bridge…as there is no way we could get a new cat. 

Freddie wouldn’t cope, even if DD had the energy to manage a new cat.

Update: it’s now October and I finally have chance to update this post.

Ruthie did have to be PTS, it was super hard on DD as Ruthie was with her all the time and was super snuggly and cuddly. 

In order to distract from the lack of cat DD planned long trips out…we ended up going to the Lakes 3 times. They also planned a short holiday near Hadrian’s Wall for the beginning of October. The holiday was planned to be as easy as possible for DS2…it was only 2 hours from home so we could come back at any point if needed, he was shown videos of the museums and where we were going to be. We knew he was stressed about it because his behaviour was increasingly hard the nearer the holiday came. Then a couple of days before we were due to go DS2 had a monumental meltdown and totally refused to go. DD was already exhausted from all DS2’s stressing and eventually just said that’s it the holiday is cancelled. (DS1 went instead so it wasn’t a complete waste…he took videos showing just how lovely it all was)

When DS2 eventually managed to calm down…a long process, he was able to articulate is worries…one of the pictures of the holiday cottage showed cows and that scare him. Also he really didn’t want to be away from his own room, even for a couple of days. Very annoying but nothing anyone could do anything about…I wouldn’t care but DS2 had been bitching for years about how unfair it was that his friends go away on holiday and he never gets to go away, that was a very large part of why we decided to go away.

Other changes this year, DS2 was persuaded to stop making Xmas cards. He’s found the process increasingly hard and needs massive amounts of support. It was easier when DD could help, i.e. do most of the work and all the creative work, but now they are too poorly it’s all down to me and I only have so much time/energy and inclination. Fortunately his Social Group were happy to take all the art/craft/card making supplies so they won’t go to waste. DS2 is kind of sad this will his last year handing out cards he’s made but making them was just too much like hard work and really not fun for anyone.

DP has taken over the desk and shelves that held all the card making stuff and he’s loving it…he’s put all the random law books he’s picked up from charity shops on the shelves and can pretend to himself he’s actually going to read any of them.

DS1 is still talking about sorting a mortgage in principle but he’s had periods of being manically busy at work so he’s not got round to it yet.

We got a grant from the Council to cover some of the work needed to sort the shower room in the attic a the work was planned for the beginning of November. We got an email at the beginning of this week offering us a start date this Wednesday, a bit of a shock but at least this way it gets it over and done with. It’s proving a lot more problematic than either the kitchen or the other bathroom…the waste pipe for the shower will need a pump because the only other way to work it because of getting round steel girders holding the attic up is to put the pipe through DD’s room or the bathroom neither of which I’m going to agree to. They also found dry rot spores up there…which came from some cat litter DP had put down to deal with a leak we’d had years ago…we are so lucky not to have actual dry rot!!! Really not impressed with DP, it’s not the first and won’t be the last dumb shit he’s done. It’s all going to cost a lot more than we budgeted for but at least it should be problem free and water tight which will be great. DS2 is super excited, though massively stressed by the disruption…not a surprise. DD is coping with the noise and Freddie commandeering their chair while he’s stuck on their room being safe which builders wander in and out. I’ll be glad when it’s all done…and paid for…hopefully my DF will be generous, again. 

Update 2: well I spoke to my DF and at this stage I’m not really keen to take money off him at all. He has done this before where he’ll offer help so he feels good then when he’s asked to actually cough up the cash he backtracks…its painful as I have no support caring for DD and DS2…other than DD themselves and DS1. DP is f*cking useless and hasn’t spoken to DD in years and hasn’t had an actual conversation with anyone in decades! Hearing on zoom with work colleagues is embarrassing his monologues are all ‘me, me, me’ and ‘I’m just soooo amazing’!

The shower room should be finished this week…it’s been a long hard slog but, hopefully, worth it.

DF was talking about meeting up and I offered a date with just me…he was very dismissive of that and we DP, DS2 and I will be meeting him and his lady friend in November. It’s just after my birthday…not counting on him remembering…he and DM managed to forget DD’s birthday before Covid and never bothered acknowledging it ever again.

The year isn't getting any better

 Well America is getting more insane as Trump is acting as though he's a Medieval King anointed by God! He's so insane at Easter he was suggesting he's Jesus... not a sane or suitable person to be President that's for sure. At least in his first term he had at least some 'grown ups' around him to moderate his worst impulses. This time he's surrounded himself with total bottom feeders and sycophants, each is worse than the last. The result is a measles and whooping cough outbreak that's just going to keep getting worse as vaccines are increasingly difficult to obtain. All that is before the inevitable outbreak of bird flu that's been on the horizon for at least 2 years... it might hit this winter or we might dodge it again...but it's coming and I really don't trust this bunch of losers to manage the problems of dealing with a major flu season never mind an epidemic!

The tariffs Trump is so enamoured of  are pushing the world into a recession...just what we need! Seriously doubt he has any understanding of how tariffs work and he really doesn't care the damage they will cause. If the damage was restricted to America it would be one thing but it will affect us all. Fun times. 

The situation in Gaza is beyond all words...I'm surprised there is anyone left alive it's that horrific. I've become so numb to the whole situation I've basically shut down. Really not helpful but my brain only has so much capacity for the madness of the world.

DD is continuing to deteriorate...they have all these plans for what they want to do but can realistically do very little. They have also put on a significant amount of weight and are finding it impossible to shift...their body is really making life hard for them. At the beginning of the year they has a major breakdown over their weight and the fact non of their clothes fit. We went through all their clothes and bought a whole load of new clothes..and masses of new make-up...I can't realistically see any of the stuff being used. They can barely get to the park and back without a major break down. It's hard dealing with the emotional support they need...but it's much harder living/existing in their life. They have constant pain and an ever widening pool of symptoms, non of them fun!

DS1 is back in the swing of things at work and is managing to get to the gym 2-3 times a week after work which is great. Now he just needs to actually sort speaking to a mortgage advisor and seeing what kind of mortgage he can manage and then actually start looking at houses...I can totally see why he's not rushing to start the process... he's done enough work on this house to know how brutally hard it will be to get anything he can afford into a liveable state.

DS2 is still making his life hard work but he's enjoying himself which is important.  DF is also enjoying his life ...going out walking and a busy social life. DP and I went over on Good Friday and its apparent that his lady friend is starting to loose the plot...she had to reminded more than once what she'd ordered for lunch and DF was reminding her where they were going on holiday and when. Hopefully its slow decline and they can still keep having fun for a few more years.

DP is a annoying and boring as he has been for way too many years. I no longer have any memory of him being fun or someone I'd choose to talk to with. Now he only want to monologue and if I actually say anything...even its its just agreement...he huffs and pouts and goes silent ...presumably punishing me for daring to speak...if he only knew just how little I care! The only reason he's still here is money...I just can't manage on my own...not with 3, expensive, dependents...so he gets to stay. I can usually get a read on peoples emotional state...not saying I'm accurate but I get some feedback from most people. I get absolutely nothing from him... no idea why, but it's odd. Luckily this summer he's away for 2 weeks...he's in London a week and then straight off to France for his mothers 90th...can't wait.

Just when you think life can't get any harder

 I haven't written anything for ages...its hard to know what to say. Trump is now President again and its even worse than the most apocalyptic imaginings of what he's be like...most of us just assumed it would be Trump 2.0 but possibly less amateur hour. Well this time round he has best new buddy Musk who is getting a bunch of incels to go into Government Departments and go into the computer systems and cut off the money. Really pleased I'm not in USA...it must be incredibly scary for so many people. The news is being flooded with all kinds of random shit...Trump is going to buy Gaza and expel the remaining Palestinians and build a sea front resort there...he's going to invade Canada...he's going to buy Greenland ...and on and on. There are also moves to strip voting rights from anyone whose I.D. name doesn't match their birth certificate...i.e. married women. There has been a lot of chatter in the 'Christian' right for many years about women not having the vote and men having a 'family' vote, they also want to take away no fault divorce and basically remove the ability of women to escape marriages that aren't working. The next few years will not be easy.

While the news is almost uniformly depressing...Palestine, Sudan, Congo...the list goes on...climate change...we have been doing okay. We did finally get the roof actually sorted. The original roofer was a total shit and had done piss all work which meant the original leak was still there. I found another roofer who came out on Xmas Eve to look at the roof and give us a quote...he also gave me all the gossip about the original roofer and looks like when we'd used him before and he'd been ok it had been his Dad in charge. Explains a lot. Anyway they did the work, even though it was super cold and icy when they came...on the day I'd been given! I do now trust the roof is secure. Anyway Dad was very generous and gave a very generous donation towards the roof...not needed DP cashed in a pension to pay for the work...but it did mean we had enough to get a quote for the bathroom. We have been saving to redo the bathroom for a while...the grout is cracking and water will be getting behind the tiles. The sink is chipped and DD would really like a bidet toilet...on bad pain days (virtually every day at this point) bending round after using the loo can be hard. 

Anyway we are getting the new bathroom next month...the couple of weeks while the work is being done will not be fun but it should be totally worth it. We are using the same people who did the kitchen so we know the work will be excellent. Really looking forward to it all being finished.

DD is continuing to flair pretty much all the time...they tend to be in bed ready for sleep before 6pm every day and napping on and off all day. DS1 has had an operation for carpel tunnel on his left hand which meant he was off work for a month,,, he got very bored as he couldn't do much when his hand was still bandaged and the weather was too cold and wet to do much even when his hand was more useable. He is really started looking at what mortgage he might be able to get and what he might be able to afford. Hopefully he can get himself moved out in a year or so.

DS2 keeps having fits of insisting he's going to learn to drive...never going to happen... it doesn't help that DP encourages him in this delusion. But then DP has always has a weird view of who DS2 is...I think he views DS2 as his 'mini me'...okay I can see the similarities, both have limited emotional intelligence, both heavily self absorbed and narcissistic and both see the world very much as they would choose it to be... and neither as bright as they pretend! But even so DP is able to function independently and DS2 very much can't which is the fundamental difference. 

DP is currently on his way back from Hong Kong...we all enjoyed him being away for a week! Its so much easier in the house when he's away...tidier for sure and just less stress and ...I'm wanting to type aggression which suggests he's physically violent which he's not but he's in a permanent bad mood and does like to use his temper as a weapon, doesn't work so well now we all ignore him and I have absolutely no emotional connection at all. Anyway he'll be back again tomorrow but we have March to look forward to when he should be away for 3 out of 4 weeks!

I've barely spoken to DF recently...when I've tried phoning him he's been busy and VERY keen to rush me off the phone...I'm just waiting for him to phone me. He's obviously living his best life which is all that matters.

Hopefully the year has less dramatic news than we've seen so far...I'm more than happy for boredom! For ourselves I'm just wanting DD to be in less pain...it would be good if DS1 manages to get himself onto the housing ladder and move out. DS2 just needs to calm down and be less of an arse.

Update: well DP was as boring and hard work as I expected when he got back...obviously exhausted, he'd had a really hard journey back with planes being delayed and it took significantly longer than expected. But even with that he's been a bit of an arse...I'm guessing he was hoping for a more adoring audience who were excited to have him back. Instead he got total indifference from pretty much all of us. Well you do reap what you sow! 

DS1 went back to work and found it incredibly hard, he's' come back from work shell shocked and beyond exhausted and his legs are causing so much pain he's struggling to walk up the stairs to his room. Not good at all.