Hopes for 2021

 Well Christmas is over, even more boring than normal we have been trapped in the house for so much of this year that being trapped in for Christmas was not a novelty. The only good bit was not being able to go over to visit my parents. It's never my favourite bit of Christmas, they are so dull and the conversation is always reminiscences of the 1970's. I spoke to them on Christmas Day....and multiple occasions before as they kept finding reasons to phone! DF seems fine, planning walks that he doesn't get to do with the weather but still fit and well enough to do stuff. DM had been sounding quite bright and her normal self but has sounded tired and slightly out of it the last few times we spoke, who knows it could be the effects of alcohol, she still seems to be drinking plenty.

They sent presents and DF plainly went into a remaindered book shop and bought random stuff.  DP got a couple of decent books that he might actually enjoy and a selection box of whiskey miniatures that even he said were like antiseptic...he still managed to drink them though. I got a magnifying glass with lights...it went straight in the donate pile. There was various other naff stuff which was donated or regifted. Luckily they sent cash to DD, DS1 and DS2...all preferred money. Still its the thought that counts...which would be more acceptable if there had been any actual thought!

Anyway what do I want from 2021? some if it is super easy like us all getting vaccinated against Covid 19 so we can get our lives back. I would also love for DD to come out of her current flair...she is sleeping pretty much all the time. She can move from her bed to her chair, where she then naps, and then back to her bed, where she continues to nap. I am really worried that this isn't a flair but her new normal. Her condition does keep having these sudden descents and it's always horrendously scary...this is one of the worst. It's really hard for her as she has finally got her eating disorder under control with therapy and is accepting her body and not hating herself for being fat. She really wants to be posting on her Instagram account to help other people make that journey. Maybe, if we're lucky.

But the jobs I'd like to do that I actually have some control over 

• I'd like to redo the bathroom. We need a wider bath so I can get a bath lift for DD so she can have a bath when she has the energy. The floor tiles also need replacing.
• replace the hall and stair carpet and get new bookshelves for the landing. 
• get new units in the kitchen, the ones we have are old and look it! I would also like to replace the cooker and move it so I can get a proper sized cooker. I also want new flooring, the stuff I got when we last redecorated the kitchen wasn't cheap but has proved to be really poor quality.
• I would love to get a new car, there is nothing wrong with the current car but a slightly bigger one would be useful.

There is no way all of these will get done, they all cost money and that is always a limited resource, but we can hopefully get a couple done.

I would also quite like DM to finally snuff it...more because it's a 'job' on my mental to do list and I want to cross it off rather than actually having any emotional involvement any more. She has no impact on my day to day life and I have no part in her care and even when Covid is all over I still won't be visiting more than once a month for a brief drop in to 'hi', so her demise or not will have minimal impact on my life. Though if DF dies first I will be busy sorting her into a Home and all the rest - can't see my DB doing any of it!

Hopefully next year will be easier than this year. Not that this year has been all bad, we managed to get out to the Moors loads and DD took some awesome photos, but still a hard year.

Update: well it looks as though we may get non of the jobs sorted I was hoping for! I have still been getting money from when DS2 was in foster care, now I knew the money wasn't permanent but I wasn't expecting it to stop so abruptly. It's disappointing but could have been really hard a year or so earlier, at least now most of the debts are paid off, all we have is the mortgage and the car loan. Still I had hoped it would last long enough to get a couple of the jobs done! Maybe another year.