I am finding life hard

As the title says I am finding life more than normally hard at the moment. There are lots of reasons for this...most of them fairly minor, the main reason is DD and how ill she is and how needy she is getting.

The minor moans...just for completeness and in no particular order are:-

• the Rumanians or whatever they are who are swarming all over the area. God they are loud, sweary and there are soo many of them. Dozens of children in most houses...that is not an exaggeration unfortunately and the children have no supervision or boundaries. They are out on the streets at all hours, and in all weathers, shouting and screaming, spitting, weeing on the street and generally being aggressive and unpleasant. Non of the other local children play out at all any more and who can blame them!
• DS2 is so incredibly happy and excited about his college course and is loving every minute. For the first time in his life he has friends who are on his level and that he understands and who understand him. All that is beyond good but it is making him hyper and totally OBSCESSED with having a girlfriend and getting married! Its all a bit wearing and he can be hard work to bring back down to earth and get him back in touch with reality. But I am so very pleased he is having such an amazing time at college.
• DP is being his usual knobby self but has added weird 'jazz style' clapping and noises to his repertoire, really not appealing or pleasant. He is still not talking to DD at all which is pathetic. Other than that he is mostly keeping out of my way, though his habit of telling me what he is watching on TV or YouTube is irritating, fortunately I have years of practise in ignoring him and his seriously attention seeking behaviour.

But as I say these...and other annoyances are minor in comparison to how ill DD is getting and how much support she is needing. I do find her habit of whinging very difficult to deal with. She's not doing it on purpose as such but she does need lots of attention and in many ways she is behaving like a baby and they cry to signal they need something. It means I get very little time for myself...hence not getting chance to write anything for a while. I, mostly, keep my temper, she is suffering and its hard for her. Though there are moments when I think how nice it would be...for an hour or so, to be able to sit in a chair and have people dance attention on me and get me whatever I asked for. OK I'd get bored very fast and DD doesn't have the luxury of deciding she's had enough added to which she is frequently in lots of pain and generally feels crap.

• just thought of another minor annoyance, J has spent through a large cash gift from her mum...think 1,000's...in a very short space of time and is desperately short of cash again. Its all gone to fund her drug addict boyfriend which is the bit that annoys me. Anyway she sold her saxophone to DP for not a cheap price...it was the high end of what was available on ebay. I don't resent paying for the instrument but I do resent the fact that the money went on drugs. I am a total puritan but I find it all seriously disturbing. DP has her flute and I have checked the price so if that get's bought I know what a sensible price is and won't let DP overpay again.

Anyway that's some of the reasons life is less than easy at present....another reason is my weight loss is flat lining...the only way to get it back on track is cut out even more food but I already eat very little so that will be hard and its getting dark and all my body wants to do is eat calorie rich food to help me hibernate!

My son is awesome

All my children are utterly brilliant and perfect in their own ways obviously but DS1 is soo handy doing loads of odd jobs for me. He spent the whole summer holidays sorting stuff, some big like sanding down the kitchen table so I could revarnish it...and then resanding it as DP and DS2 wrecked the initial varnish in less than a day, to little stuff like moving furniture for me.

He is so solid and just does stuff...okay sometimes he has a melt down if he thinks I've been pushing him too hard and not giving him enough time on his own. But mostly he is placid and calm which is just brilliant in a house where DP is a low level narc who is constantly attention seeking like a pathetic toddler, DS2 who nutty, hyper and has the attention span of a mayfly on speed and DD who is struggling to cope with how her illness is messing with her emotions. I really miss DS1 when he goes back to Uni...not just because he is so useful but mostly because he is so calm and quietly supportive just by being around.

I have been writing this post for weeks but have been struggling to get any time as DD has been seriously unwell and needing high levels of support...physical and emotional. Also DS2 seems to pop up and start being nosy anytime I get anywhere near the computer.

DS1 has been back in London for 2 weeks now, his Uni only started today but he needed to get away fro his sanity, he was finding DP and DS2 increasingly hard work and just needed some space to himself. Its a real shame he left when he did as I really needed him to do a major job just after he'd gone. I got DP to take an old...and disconnected...gas fire to the skip but moron that he is he also took the metal plate that blocks the chimney as well! I did text him to say do NOT throw it but of course he didn't read the text and then flopped instead of going straight back to the skip to retrieve the metal plate. Its hard to credit just how utterly stupid the man is...weirdly he still thinks he is the cleverest person he has ever met...god he is sooo deluded. Anyway I now need DS1 to make me a new whatever to block off the chimney so the kitchen doesn't get covered in rain and soot!