This isn't a post as such its just an observation. With the problem with the intruder earlier in the year and DS1 struggling to get a job its really highlighted how much we all expect bad news.
If the phone rings or I get an unexpected letter I tense for bad news. If someone runs downstairs I expect bad news...its not just me we all do it....well that me, DD and DS1.
Its a sad indictment of our lives and how ground down we all are by constant blows. DD has had to close her blog and instagram account and its really been emotionally hard for her. She is acquiring new symptoms and new levels of 'normal' with her pain and life is getting very hard for her. Its happened many times as she has had to come to terms with new restrictions on what she can do and how much life she can have. Its really hard and she is struggling, can't blame her constant pain and no ability to do anything isn't much of a life.
DS1 is getting increasingly depressed by his lack of progress towards a job and some sort of a life outside his room, which makes it hard for him to motivate himself to do anything. Its a vicious circle, I can just hope he does eventually find a job that works for him.
DS2 is also floundering at the moment as the careful plans for next year have fallen apart and we are having to start from scratch again but with limited time. Such is life.
Hardly a surprise we all look for bad news!
Wednesday, 7 February 2018
Thursday, 1 February 2018
Another new year.
I have been trying to write a new post for ages, but every time I sit down to start I have to go and do something else.
Christmas was okay but very low key. No one had any enthusiasm and we basically all waited for DP to go back to work. Unfortunately he was off for odd days for the first 2 weeks for 2018 which made life hard for us all. DS2 didn't go back to College until the middle of January which made life hard as he was bored and floppy and refusing to do anything we suggested. DS1 also struggled as he wants a job, at this stage any job but isn't really willing to put any structured effort into getting one. He's also not sorting any of the other stuff he needs to do like getting a driving license, it does annoy me.
To be fair he didn't have a great start to the year, he heard a rustling in his room and being utterly phobic of rodents got DS2 to wake up and fetch me...while he cowered in bed. I couldn't see any signs of anything even though DS2 and I moved loads of boxes and stuff, dusted and moved some stuff out to store elsewhere. Unfortunately there still was a mouse and it fell into DS's bin the following day and died. This left DS absolutely paranoid, understandably and he ended up having to sleep in DD's room for a couple of days. We ended up redecorating his room so we could move everything and reclaim his room and reassure him that there were no intruders lurking anywhere. Fortunately after the second occasion I managed to trace where it had come in and we blocked it off. DS's room does look masses better now its been redecorated so its not all bad.
DD has had a series of pain flares since the start of winter and they show no sign of abating any time soon. She had had to close down her blog and instagram accounts which is a real shame as her photos were getting so much better...she was having them featured by brands fairly regularly and had more than 3,500 followers. She has had a lot of pleasure and fulfilment from her blog...it gave her a reason to get up, get dressed in beautiful clothes, go out. She also has an excuse to buy clothes she loved and treat herself to make up. It made her feel like a contributing member of society. But in the end her M.E. just took over too much and she just couldn't find the energy or brain space to continue. M.E. really sucks.
Other than that its been a fairly quiet new year. Haven't seen my parents particularly which is always a bonus and DM has stayed out of hospital which isn't necessarily good but I don't need to visit which is a plus...to be honest as long as I don't have to deal with her I'm not as excited by the thought of her dying...though it will make me smile whenever it finally happens. Still no contact with my DB which no longer surprises me, I'm not putting any effort into a relationship that's so one sided.
I've also not seen anything of J which is a plus as she is getting increasingly self centred and I really don't have the emotion energy to spare caring about her and her messed up life. Her youngest son has been given no boundaries and as far as I'm concerned he is not a nice or safe person, he apparently wants to have DS2 as a friend again but its not an option as I really don't like or trust him. Its not totally his fault I blame J for being a lazy parent and not pulling up his behaviour when he needed it. She no longer tells me about her drug addict boyfriend but he will still be on the scene. She will get massive inheritances from at least 3 people in the near future and there are no prizes for guessing where a large part of the cash will end up, and its not with her sons. As you can tell I don't have too high an opinion of her...can't think why she doesn't want to come round all the time anymore!
Christmas was okay but very low key. No one had any enthusiasm and we basically all waited for DP to go back to work. Unfortunately he was off for odd days for the first 2 weeks for 2018 which made life hard for us all. DS2 didn't go back to College until the middle of January which made life hard as he was bored and floppy and refusing to do anything we suggested. DS1 also struggled as he wants a job, at this stage any job but isn't really willing to put any structured effort into getting one. He's also not sorting any of the other stuff he needs to do like getting a driving license, it does annoy me.
To be fair he didn't have a great start to the year, he heard a rustling in his room and being utterly phobic of rodents got DS2 to wake up and fetch me...while he cowered in bed. I couldn't see any signs of anything even though DS2 and I moved loads of boxes and stuff, dusted and moved some stuff out to store elsewhere. Unfortunately there still was a mouse and it fell into DS's bin the following day and died. This left DS absolutely paranoid, understandably and he ended up having to sleep in DD's room for a couple of days. We ended up redecorating his room so we could move everything and reclaim his room and reassure him that there were no intruders lurking anywhere. Fortunately after the second occasion I managed to trace where it had come in and we blocked it off. DS's room does look masses better now its been redecorated so its not all bad.
DD has had a series of pain flares since the start of winter and they show no sign of abating any time soon. She had had to close down her blog and instagram accounts which is a real shame as her photos were getting so much better...she was having them featured by brands fairly regularly and had more than 3,500 followers. She has had a lot of pleasure and fulfilment from her blog...it gave her a reason to get up, get dressed in beautiful clothes, go out. She also has an excuse to buy clothes she loved and treat herself to make up. It made her feel like a contributing member of society. But in the end her M.E. just took over too much and she just couldn't find the energy or brain space to continue. M.E. really sucks.
Other than that its been a fairly quiet new year. Haven't seen my parents particularly which is always a bonus and DM has stayed out of hospital which isn't necessarily good but I don't need to visit which is a plus...to be honest as long as I don't have to deal with her I'm not as excited by the thought of her dying...though it will make me smile whenever it finally happens. Still no contact with my DB which no longer surprises me, I'm not putting any effort into a relationship that's so one sided.
I've also not seen anything of J which is a plus as she is getting increasingly self centred and I really don't have the emotion energy to spare caring about her and her messed up life. Her youngest son has been given no boundaries and as far as I'm concerned he is not a nice or safe person, he apparently wants to have DS2 as a friend again but its not an option as I really don't like or trust him. Its not totally his fault I blame J for being a lazy parent and not pulling up his behaviour when he needed it. She no longer tells me about her drug addict boyfriend but he will still be on the scene. She will get massive inheritances from at least 3 people in the near future and there are no prizes for guessing where a large part of the cash will end up, and its not with her sons. As you can tell I don't have too high an opinion of her...can't think why she doesn't want to come round all the time anymore!
Tuesday, 28 November 2017
Christmas is approaching
Its nearly the end of November and it will soon be 2018. Its not been a bad year ...I've got most of the house redecorated. I'm particularly pleased the floors are all sealed and tiled after Renata found a mouse to play with! I'm hoping that's not an experience we need to repeat. I also replaced my car which is good as the old car was definitely getting elderly. The computer also got updated. Basically all the electrical equipment in the house got replaced over the year!
DS1 finished his degree...he's not found a job yet and to be honest hasn't looked particularly hard yet but hopefully he'll get something in the new year, I'm not keen for him to be hanging around long term. DS2 is in his last year at College but has next year already planned which makes him happier. Its going to be difficult in the long term because he won't be able to continue doing courses for ever but he's unlikely to ever get a job. I'll cross that bridge when I need to.
DD is continuing to deteriorate, she may well have to give up blogging which is not good as she has enjoyed having a reason to spend silly money on clothes she rarely wears and go out at stupid hours of the day to take photos. Her blog is getting noticed and she is starting to become properly successful, which makes it even harder to stop. But she just doesn't have the energy to do the work it needs. Also she is getting increasingly nasty about the quality of the photos, however hard I try my skills as a photographer will never be great and DD can't cope with anything less than her 'vision' of how the photos should have looked. It doesn't help that she is putting weight back on again and she hates how she looks. So all fun there.
My Mum is still alive unfortunately but I rarely need to see her...DD is just to poorly to leave and they aren't encouraged to come here. Mostly because they are loud but also because Mum is just so snide and nasty. They are talking about moving to a more manageable house, Dad was having problems walking for a week or so and that really highlighted how unsuitable their house is long term. But I can't actually see them doing anything, Mum is too lazy and once Dad gets back walking he'll forget how hard it was when he couldn't walk and just carry on as before. I might be wrong, next year will prove me wrong or right.
I haven't been in touch with my brother all year, I got so sick of being the one who maintained contact so decided to drop the rope. He obviously wasn't bothered for contact which is fine by me. Its not exactly a great loss in my life! I also have almost no contact with J. which is also fine by me, it now means I have no friends or family to chat to but they weren't bothered about me so I'm not loosing anything. J. talks about herself exclusively when we meet up, which is fine and I'm prepared to listen but she offers me no support or conversation so I'm not rushing to invite her over.
This Christmas will be quiet, as all our Christmases are. We will all sit in different rooms trying to avoid DP, who will be a total arse and bore us all. Luckily he should be away in the week before Xmas so it will give us a chance to do an 'unChristmas Eve' tea without him. I may even give DD and DS1 their stockings then. I had planned to stop doing stockings this year, but was firmly told by DS2 that he needed one. DD and DS1 had been unenthusiastic about stockings stopping as they all feel they are the best bit of Christmas, so they will still carry on for this year at least.
I won't be sad to see this year end, and hope next year brings some good stuff amongst all the bad stuff DD will have to endure. Maybe my Mum will die, that would cheer me up!
DS1 finished his degree...he's not found a job yet and to be honest hasn't looked particularly hard yet but hopefully he'll get something in the new year, I'm not keen for him to be hanging around long term. DS2 is in his last year at College but has next year already planned which makes him happier. Its going to be difficult in the long term because he won't be able to continue doing courses for ever but he's unlikely to ever get a job. I'll cross that bridge when I need to.
DD is continuing to deteriorate, she may well have to give up blogging which is not good as she has enjoyed having a reason to spend silly money on clothes she rarely wears and go out at stupid hours of the day to take photos. Her blog is getting noticed and she is starting to become properly successful, which makes it even harder to stop. But she just doesn't have the energy to do the work it needs. Also she is getting increasingly nasty about the quality of the photos, however hard I try my skills as a photographer will never be great and DD can't cope with anything less than her 'vision' of how the photos should have looked. It doesn't help that she is putting weight back on again and she hates how she looks. So all fun there.
My Mum is still alive unfortunately but I rarely need to see her...DD is just to poorly to leave and they aren't encouraged to come here. Mostly because they are loud but also because Mum is just so snide and nasty. They are talking about moving to a more manageable house, Dad was having problems walking for a week or so and that really highlighted how unsuitable their house is long term. But I can't actually see them doing anything, Mum is too lazy and once Dad gets back walking he'll forget how hard it was when he couldn't walk and just carry on as before. I might be wrong, next year will prove me wrong or right.
I haven't been in touch with my brother all year, I got so sick of being the one who maintained contact so decided to drop the rope. He obviously wasn't bothered for contact which is fine by me. Its not exactly a great loss in my life! I also have almost no contact with J. which is also fine by me, it now means I have no friends or family to chat to but they weren't bothered about me so I'm not loosing anything. J. talks about herself exclusively when we meet up, which is fine and I'm prepared to listen but she offers me no support or conversation so I'm not rushing to invite her over.
This Christmas will be quiet, as all our Christmases are. We will all sit in different rooms trying to avoid DP, who will be a total arse and bore us all. Luckily he should be away in the week before Xmas so it will give us a chance to do an 'unChristmas Eve' tea without him. I may even give DD and DS1 their stockings then. I had planned to stop doing stockings this year, but was firmly told by DS2 that he needed one. DD and DS1 had been unenthusiastic about stockings stopping as they all feel they are the best bit of Christmas, so they will still carry on for this year at least.
I won't be sad to see this year end, and hope next year brings some good stuff amongst all the bad stuff DD will have to endure. Maybe my Mum will die, that would cheer me up!
Sunday, 15 October 2017
DP is an arse... a continuing saga
Many years ago...about 10 or more, I started writing down my frustrations and annoyances with DP. It was a way of venting on paper as I had no other safe outlets and talking to DP...my preferred option...was a total non starter. I'd try to have an adult conversation about problems we were having and he'd just go on a long rant listing everything I'd ever done that he didn't like but not actually listening to anything I wanted to say. Afterwards I was supposed to meekly carry on as though all our problems were now sorted. I totally wish MN had been a thing then as I would never have stayed, classic emotional abuse but I just though he was an arse and having been used to my DM being an arse I put up with far too much.
I still have all the paper and read some of it last night. It was really interesting both to see what has changed and, more depressing, what has stayed the same.
Well DP is still an arse. He and I have a surface polite relationship and spend very little time together. He will talk at me while I'm reading in the kitchen sometimes and I totally ignore him, to the point I would be hard put to tell anyone what he'd actually said. His conversation is still mostly about himself, as far as I can tell...the bits I'm ignoring could be fascinating insights into the world situation or illuminating critics of popular media....no of course they aren't. He will be wittering on about how clever he is and how much he is worshipped by everyone...except his family obviously.
What has changed is me. I no longer do any of his laundry, shopping, clearing away or washing up. If he leaves something in the sink it still there the next time he gets to it. I don't even wash up his plate after tea, even if I am washing up everyone else's. He also sleeps on the sofa full time which is wonderful. It means I never have to put up with his snoring or him invading my space. OK I frequently have DD but that is my choice as her mum. I no longer even mention his families b/days or make any effort to think of appropriate presents. I sort my family and he can sort his, or not!
He has no input into Xmas or b/days for any of the children. He never put any effort in but now he gets no credit as I don't get him to sign cards or even tell him what is being given. He will have no idea what DS1 got for his 21st. Even when DS2 changed his name by deed poll for his 18th DP had no input and was informed but only so he was aware of what DS2's new name was. Last Xmas he didn't even get to see the presents being opened as we all went into DD's room to do it so he had no involvement at all. given the effort he puts into the only present he actually buys...mine...he doesn't deserve any of the fun of seeing presents being opened. I got a pile of fruit teabags and some new tea towels...not even a style I ever use! I put them all in the bin...I put in little more effort but do actually get CDs and books he will have some interest in and do get them before Xmas Eve which is presumably when he wanders into the local supermarket and buy some random crap.
He still continues to ignore DD and her illness...he actually had the gall to say, this summer, that 'it had been very hard for him when DD became ill and he hadn't known what to do as he couldn't fix it'. I was so blindsided by the comment I couldn't respond at all, which is a shame as I would have loved to have told him to grow up and stop being a pathetic little baby. Non of us has found DDs illness 'easy'. We all struggle to deal with it and it is heartbreaking when she is sobbing with pain and there is NOTHING anyone can do to help, but we cope. We cope the same way DD copes...a day at a time and we just get on with it. Given he has done NOTHING for DD even before she became ill what gives him the right to play the victim G*d only knows. He really does feel the world revolves around him. Just as there is an autistic spectrum so there is a narcissistic spectrum and he and indeed DM are both further along the line than is healthy or attractive. DF's father was undoubtedly also a narc which is, presumably, where he learned to be such a perfect enabler. I certainly spent my childhood learning that I wasn't important and that my role in life was to be invisible but useful. Thank heavens DD finally took me in hand and shook some reality into me! I don't think I am such a spineless enabler any more even if I am still overly conflict averse...but then anyone who grew up with my DM shouting and being appallingly rude to my DF was either going to end up avoiding conflict of being as unpleasant as her!
One thing that DP has changed is that he no longer heaves and sighs and does his martyr act...stupid as he patently is even he has eventually realised that no one pays any attention to his dramatic 'oh woe is me' act and its a waste of energy. He still does lots of other stupid noises to try and get attention, like random 'singing' and 'jazz style' noises. All totally ignored unless DS2 tells him to stop being stupid. DS2 still gets endlessly shouted at by DP but he treats it as white noise and ignores it. He will occasionally complain to me about DP doing something particularly stupid but other than that he copes and the two of them still go off to rugby and gaelic football and stuff. They even cook, theoretically together, every weekend so they can the food they like but that I don't cook. They have a repertoire of about half a dozen meals that they endlessly rotate. Its boring a sh*t but as long as I'm not expected to eat it why should I care. They shop for the stuff and cook it and wash up so its less cooking I have to do.
I would still get rid of DP if it was financially feasible but its really not, especially with DD so ill and becoming less able all the time. But its certainly my ambition to get rid of him eventually. Will he expect it...I really don't know. I'm assuming he is aware we don't have a good relationship but does he know how utterly dead it is, I doubt it. I can't imagine his towering conceit can envisage him not being universally adored, that's going to be a fun conversation when it eventually comes!!
I still have all the paper and read some of it last night. It was really interesting both to see what has changed and, more depressing, what has stayed the same.
Well DP is still an arse. He and I have a surface polite relationship and spend very little time together. He will talk at me while I'm reading in the kitchen sometimes and I totally ignore him, to the point I would be hard put to tell anyone what he'd actually said. His conversation is still mostly about himself, as far as I can tell...the bits I'm ignoring could be fascinating insights into the world situation or illuminating critics of popular media....no of course they aren't. He will be wittering on about how clever he is and how much he is worshipped by everyone...except his family obviously.
What has changed is me. I no longer do any of his laundry, shopping, clearing away or washing up. If he leaves something in the sink it still there the next time he gets to it. I don't even wash up his plate after tea, even if I am washing up everyone else's. He also sleeps on the sofa full time which is wonderful. It means I never have to put up with his snoring or him invading my space. OK I frequently have DD but that is my choice as her mum. I no longer even mention his families b/days or make any effort to think of appropriate presents. I sort my family and he can sort his, or not!
He has no input into Xmas or b/days for any of the children. He never put any effort in but now he gets no credit as I don't get him to sign cards or even tell him what is being given. He will have no idea what DS1 got for his 21st. Even when DS2 changed his name by deed poll for his 18th DP had no input and was informed but only so he was aware of what DS2's new name was. Last Xmas he didn't even get to see the presents being opened as we all went into DD's room to do it so he had no involvement at all. given the effort he puts into the only present he actually buys...mine...he doesn't deserve any of the fun of seeing presents being opened. I got a pile of fruit teabags and some new tea towels...not even a style I ever use! I put them all in the bin...I put in little more effort but do actually get CDs and books he will have some interest in and do get them before Xmas Eve which is presumably when he wanders into the local supermarket and buy some random crap.
He still continues to ignore DD and her illness...he actually had the gall to say, this summer, that 'it had been very hard for him when DD became ill and he hadn't known what to do as he couldn't fix it'. I was so blindsided by the comment I couldn't respond at all, which is a shame as I would have loved to have told him to grow up and stop being a pathetic little baby. Non of us has found DDs illness 'easy'. We all struggle to deal with it and it is heartbreaking when she is sobbing with pain and there is NOTHING anyone can do to help, but we cope. We cope the same way DD copes...a day at a time and we just get on with it. Given he has done NOTHING for DD even before she became ill what gives him the right to play the victim G*d only knows. He really does feel the world revolves around him. Just as there is an autistic spectrum so there is a narcissistic spectrum and he and indeed DM are both further along the line than is healthy or attractive. DF's father was undoubtedly also a narc which is, presumably, where he learned to be such a perfect enabler. I certainly spent my childhood learning that I wasn't important and that my role in life was to be invisible but useful. Thank heavens DD finally took me in hand and shook some reality into me! I don't think I am such a spineless enabler any more even if I am still overly conflict averse...but then anyone who grew up with my DM shouting and being appallingly rude to my DF was either going to end up avoiding conflict of being as unpleasant as her!
One thing that DP has changed is that he no longer heaves and sighs and does his martyr act...stupid as he patently is even he has eventually realised that no one pays any attention to his dramatic 'oh woe is me' act and its a waste of energy. He still does lots of other stupid noises to try and get attention, like random 'singing' and 'jazz style' noises. All totally ignored unless DS2 tells him to stop being stupid. DS2 still gets endlessly shouted at by DP but he treats it as white noise and ignores it. He will occasionally complain to me about DP doing something particularly stupid but other than that he copes and the two of them still go off to rugby and gaelic football and stuff. They even cook, theoretically together, every weekend so they can the food they like but that I don't cook. They have a repertoire of about half a dozen meals that they endlessly rotate. Its boring a sh*t but as long as I'm not expected to eat it why should I care. They shop for the stuff and cook it and wash up so its less cooking I have to do.
I would still get rid of DP if it was financially feasible but its really not, especially with DD so ill and becoming less able all the time. But its certainly my ambition to get rid of him eventually. Will he expect it...I really don't know. I'm assuming he is aware we don't have a good relationship but does he know how utterly dead it is, I doubt it. I can't imagine his towering conceit can envisage him not being universally adored, that's going to be a fun conversation when it eventually comes!!
Thursday, 5 October 2017
Am I happy?
This was a question J. asked me last time she was round. She is obviously not at all happy with her life and is making herself very stressed about all kind of things. I was chatting, in general terms about my life and she just asked the question. I didn't need to think about the answer I am very happy with my life. There is a scene in 'Secret Countess' by Eva Ibbotson where the main character is talking to a child who is unhappy explaining that she...the main character...has lots of reasons she could use to be unhappy but that she chooses to focus on the good bits of her life and be happy.
I have lots of bad stuff in my life, the most obvious is DD who is getting increasingly poorly. DS1 is still showing no discernible signs of applying for jobs never mind getting anything! DS2 is still having behaviour issues and DP is still an arse about DS2's behaviour which only makes the situation worse...I can't think of a single occasion when his intervention has improved a situation but I can think of loads where he's made it a 100 times worse. DM is still alive and still a snide, miserable old woman...I can go on with a massive list, but they aren't the only things that are important.
There is the everyday good stuff, I live in a mostly stable country and have a decent house that cleanish and warm and we have enough food and all that stuff, which is not to be taken for granted. But over and above that I have so many other things that give me pleasure like listening to music, Handel is always good if I need cheering up, and cups of tea and familiar books. The list might not seem much but it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. After all I was born a Yorkshire man so I have already won the lottery of life.
DD had one of her photos from her blog picked up by the company that makes the frock she wore and it proved to be massively popular, it was a good photo but the response was still very unexpected. But that makes her feel as though she is achieving something as she can really believe she is a part of the conversation about diversity, I am immensely proud of her. Someone commented on one of her photos that she looks 'effortlessly beautiful'...2 hours of make up, then getting into her corset and clothes and then the effort of getting to where ever we are taking the photos and all the energy that burns up...its a long way from effortless, but the photos are never going to show all that. The photos are a fantasy world and are very beautiful. All this means she feels even more pressure to make her photos even more professional, which would be easier if her photographer (me) was any good! But she does like the fact her work is being seen. Its a shame its happening as she is getting so tired and in so much pain she is having to look at how much longer she can realistically carry on blogging, but she is making a difference to how visible people in wheelchairs are which is a real achievement for anyone.
DS2 was banned from eating sugar at the end of the summer holidays as his consumption was getting totally out of hand and his level of aggression was similarly out of hand. Strangely without the sugar his behaviour is much the same but his aggression has much less power behind so is not as much of an issue. He can see the difference as much as we can and is actually cooperating with reducing his intake of sugar, not sure how long the benefits will last but I'm enjoying the (relative) peace and quiet.
DS1 is starting, slowly, to get his act together and is starting to apply for stuff...he is an idle toe rag but I am confident he will get himself sorted eventually. DP is as much of an ass as usual but I barely spend any time with him so its no real issue for me. He's at work or out at his class or whatever and I am frequently busy supporting DD, no idea how he views the situation and to be honest, I really don't care. He is free to complain if he wants but I'm not changing...I tried all that many years ago and he wasn't interested then.
My aunt has a 'do' this weekend to which we have been invited and my parents will also have been invited and will certainly be there. I have bribed DS1 to attend with DP and DS2, I will need to stay home and look after DD. My DM will not be happy that I'm not there and I'm sure I'll get passive aggressive phone calls from her or my DF will phone to spout all the rubbish she's been filling his head with. It no longer bothers me and I am much more difficult to guilt trip. To be fair they have both been leaving me alone for a while now, which is good by me. They can go and annoy my DB if they get bored.
But yes I am happy...my life is basically good and I enjoy lots that I do. J. is choosing to be unhappy...I am obviously a nasty, judgemental bitch but its my blog I can say exactly what I want! She has spent money she doesn't have on her drug addict boyfriend, to the extend she and her family are struggling for money. I have no words for how stupid I think she is, I spend way more than I should on DD in particular but she isn't spending the money on drugs, she is buying stuff to make her life easier and happier, not the same as far as I'm concerned. Also I'm not making life hard for every one else. J. patently enjoys drama and uses 'depression' as an excuse for all the 'failures' of her life. I have little sympathy for that as no ones life goes according to plan but I don't see that as an excuse to be pathetic, not when she is so privileged in so many ways...look for the good stuff and enjoy that is my plan!
I have lots of bad stuff in my life, the most obvious is DD who is getting increasingly poorly. DS1 is still showing no discernible signs of applying for jobs never mind getting anything! DS2 is still having behaviour issues and DP is still an arse about DS2's behaviour which only makes the situation worse...I can't think of a single occasion when his intervention has improved a situation but I can think of loads where he's made it a 100 times worse. DM is still alive and still a snide, miserable old woman...I can go on with a massive list, but they aren't the only things that are important.
There is the everyday good stuff, I live in a mostly stable country and have a decent house that cleanish and warm and we have enough food and all that stuff, which is not to be taken for granted. But over and above that I have so many other things that give me pleasure like listening to music, Handel is always good if I need cheering up, and cups of tea and familiar books. The list might not seem much but it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. After all I was born a Yorkshire man so I have already won the lottery of life.
DD had one of her photos from her blog picked up by the company that makes the frock she wore and it proved to be massively popular, it was a good photo but the response was still very unexpected. But that makes her feel as though she is achieving something as she can really believe she is a part of the conversation about diversity, I am immensely proud of her. Someone commented on one of her photos that she looks 'effortlessly beautiful'...2 hours of make up, then getting into her corset and clothes and then the effort of getting to where ever we are taking the photos and all the energy that burns up...its a long way from effortless, but the photos are never going to show all that. The photos are a fantasy world and are very beautiful. All this means she feels even more pressure to make her photos even more professional, which would be easier if her photographer (me) was any good! But she does like the fact her work is being seen. Its a shame its happening as she is getting so tired and in so much pain she is having to look at how much longer she can realistically carry on blogging, but she is making a difference to how visible people in wheelchairs are which is a real achievement for anyone.
DS2 was banned from eating sugar at the end of the summer holidays as his consumption was getting totally out of hand and his level of aggression was similarly out of hand. Strangely without the sugar his behaviour is much the same but his aggression has much less power behind so is not as much of an issue. He can see the difference as much as we can and is actually cooperating with reducing his intake of sugar, not sure how long the benefits will last but I'm enjoying the (relative) peace and quiet.
DS1 is starting, slowly, to get his act together and is starting to apply for stuff...he is an idle toe rag but I am confident he will get himself sorted eventually. DP is as much of an ass as usual but I barely spend any time with him so its no real issue for me. He's at work or out at his class or whatever and I am frequently busy supporting DD, no idea how he views the situation and to be honest, I really don't care. He is free to complain if he wants but I'm not changing...I tried all that many years ago and he wasn't interested then.
My aunt has a 'do' this weekend to which we have been invited and my parents will also have been invited and will certainly be there. I have bribed DS1 to attend with DP and DS2, I will need to stay home and look after DD. My DM will not be happy that I'm not there and I'm sure I'll get passive aggressive phone calls from her or my DF will phone to spout all the rubbish she's been filling his head with. It no longer bothers me and I am much more difficult to guilt trip. To be fair they have both been leaving me alone for a while now, which is good by me. They can go and annoy my DB if they get bored.
But yes I am happy...my life is basically good and I enjoy lots that I do. J. is choosing to be unhappy...I am obviously a nasty, judgemental bitch but its my blog I can say exactly what I want! She has spent money she doesn't have on her drug addict boyfriend, to the extend she and her family are struggling for money. I have no words for how stupid I think she is, I spend way more than I should on DD in particular but she isn't spending the money on drugs, she is buying stuff to make her life easier and happier, not the same as far as I'm concerned. Also I'm not making life hard for every one else. J. patently enjoys drama and uses 'depression' as an excuse for all the 'failures' of her life. I have little sympathy for that as no ones life goes according to plan but I don't see that as an excuse to be pathetic, not when she is so privileged in so many ways...look for the good stuff and enjoy that is my plan!
Tuesday, 12 September 2017
Nearly the end of summer
DS2 will be back at College from next week which is pleasing him enormously, its been way too long a summer holiday for him. He's still in from Monday to Thursday which isn't making him happy as third year students normally go in Tuesdays to Friday. It means he won't be with a lot of his friends except on Tuesday mornings and Thursdays...which is fine with me as he and his 'girlfriend' are way too intense. DS2 has said more than once that he would actually like to break up as he likes other girls but the girl is immensely manipulative...in a very 'soft' pathetic way. She's a nice enough girl and I really like her mum but she's not good for DS2, basically she has no self esteem so will do anything to keep DS2 as he is seen as a status symbol in College...as I say not healthy for either of them.
We are still taking a break from decorating, though we are still sorting stuff around the house. Last week DS re-backed all the bookcases in the hall as the original backing was starting to crumble...cheap plastic. I took the opportunity to sort through the books and got rid of a fair few. DS1 then cleared a load of boxes out of his room and reorganised as much as he could so he could actually move around his room. Looking for suitable storage gave us an exciting day...we went to pick up some plastic drawer units at Staples...which has rebranded and no longer sells them. This led to us driving through town on a Saturday ...not our brightest move! We then compounded the error by deciding to drive out to IKEA...Leeds was playing at home so the roads were standing traffic...once we'd got beyond there we got into more standing traffic...there had been a nasty accident with a burnt out car. We finally got to IKEA to find it absolutely packed...its the weekend students come back to Uni and there were LOTS of students and parents shopping for all the stuff they needed. As the final cherry on the day there were announcements over the loud speakers telling us that they couldn't take card payments...only cash. Fortunately we had a tiny bit of cash so could get a couple of things we needed and DS1 worked out another solution to his storage issues that was going to work better than our original plan so not a totally wasted day.
DD managed to sort two of the photo shoots she had planned. Both were at Brimham Rocks, a place we went to loads when the children were younger. The first time we went into the woods and took photos with smoke bombs as a special effect...the smoke was an amazing effect and the photos are stunning....as an added bonus the smoke discouraged the midges, of which there were thousands! I was taking the photos so not in the smoke and got so many bits on my forehead I looked as though I'd got measles! I had bites other places but they were the most visible ones. The other photo shoot was along the path amongst the rocks, the National Trust has made a proper path though the woods which is brilliant. It made the photo shoot possible and makes the whole place so accessible. OK DD still can't go into the fun, rocky bits and explore but being able to get to them is just so good. We will go back just for fun that's for sure.
Other than that we have been trying to survive till DS2 goes back to College, his behaviour hasn't been good and we have taken him off sugar which does seem to be reducing the levels of aggression which is good but he is still not finding it easy to be sensible. Hopefully once he gets back into the routine of College he will calm down a bit.
DP is away with work for most of the next 2 weeks...we are looking forward to that sooo much! DS1 will be able to work on his portfolio stuff downstairs and on an evening which will help him get some of the stuff actually finished. DD will have peace and quiet on an evening so she can choose to come downstairs if she wants. DS2 won't be shouted at for random stuff...it will be pleasant break for all of us. DP is being an increasing arse...he is so stupidly grumpy and will be randomly rude, brushing off any comments I, or DS2 ( we are the only people in the house who speak to him), make as though we are just too stupid to bother with. He really is on the narcissistic spectrum and finds anything that he could possible perceive as a criticism, however mild, as a vicious attack and he just can't cope. Its a good job I am no longer emotionally connected to him or it would be really painful, now I can just think what a prat he is and dream about having enough money to tell him to f*ck off.
DM has been fairly quiet, I've only had one phone call from her and we talked about the weather in America, where there have been hurricanes, and the political situation in North Korea, where they have been firing missiles, all very superficial. I was polite and asked about her health but I am telling her nothing about my life, she doesn't have any interest so why would I bother. She is another on the narcissistic spectrum, with DF as her enabler....not a supportive family that's for sure! DB is another who is utterly disconnected from the family, I get updates on what he's doing from DM and DF but I have virtually no contact with him. We send cards to each other and Xmas presents, but that's it. I can't see us staying in touch once our parents die, its a shame as I had a good relationship with DB1 and I still miss him. OK the relationship could have faded, after all I used to think my parents were good and that DP was my best friend, but I like to think he really was the person I remember. It would be so good to actually have a grown up friend I could off load to, there are days I really need it and I have no one. That why I write this!! Even J. uses me to off load onto and its not a two way street as I find her boundaries strange and so tell her only very superficial stuff about my life, basically I don't trust her....not good. The 'friendship' is fading off which is good in some ways...she is very loud when she comes round which disturbs DD...and sad in others...she was a good friend before she got wrapped up in her drug addict boyfriend and I do miss having someone to talk to. But such is life.
My hopes for the next month or so is that DD manages to regain some energy when DS2 goes back to College, she has been flaring a lot all summer, mini flares but still leaving in bed for a lot of the time. I also hope DS1 gets a job, that's it basically. I just want him to get on with his life....he gets awfully floppy and has any number of excuses about why he hasn't done stuff but he just needs to man up and get his sh*t sorted! He doesn't have to move out, though that would be good, he just needs to grow up. DS2 will hopefully get some control over his behaviour and reduce his aggression...we live in hope. One day my fantasy wish will come true and DM will finally die, DF possibly has another 20 years to go but I hope DM dies earlier than that! Ideally DP will piss off at some stage...magically still leaving his salary with us...OK not going to happen but it is a fantasy!
We are still taking a break from decorating, though we are still sorting stuff around the house. Last week DS re-backed all the bookcases in the hall as the original backing was starting to crumble...cheap plastic. I took the opportunity to sort through the books and got rid of a fair few. DS1 then cleared a load of boxes out of his room and reorganised as much as he could so he could actually move around his room. Looking for suitable storage gave us an exciting day...we went to pick up some plastic drawer units at Staples...which has rebranded and no longer sells them. This led to us driving through town on a Saturday ...not our brightest move! We then compounded the error by deciding to drive out to IKEA...Leeds was playing at home so the roads were standing traffic...once we'd got beyond there we got into more standing traffic...there had been a nasty accident with a burnt out car. We finally got to IKEA to find it absolutely packed...its the weekend students come back to Uni and there were LOTS of students and parents shopping for all the stuff they needed. As the final cherry on the day there were announcements over the loud speakers telling us that they couldn't take card payments...only cash. Fortunately we had a tiny bit of cash so could get a couple of things we needed and DS1 worked out another solution to his storage issues that was going to work better than our original plan so not a totally wasted day.
DD managed to sort two of the photo shoots she had planned. Both were at Brimham Rocks, a place we went to loads when the children were younger. The first time we went into the woods and took photos with smoke bombs as a special effect...the smoke was an amazing effect and the photos are stunning....as an added bonus the smoke discouraged the midges, of which there were thousands! I was taking the photos so not in the smoke and got so many bits on my forehead I looked as though I'd got measles! I had bites other places but they were the most visible ones. The other photo shoot was along the path amongst the rocks, the National Trust has made a proper path though the woods which is brilliant. It made the photo shoot possible and makes the whole place so accessible. OK DD still can't go into the fun, rocky bits and explore but being able to get to them is just so good. We will go back just for fun that's for sure.
Other than that we have been trying to survive till DS2 goes back to College, his behaviour hasn't been good and we have taken him off sugar which does seem to be reducing the levels of aggression which is good but he is still not finding it easy to be sensible. Hopefully once he gets back into the routine of College he will calm down a bit.
DP is away with work for most of the next 2 weeks...we are looking forward to that sooo much! DS1 will be able to work on his portfolio stuff downstairs and on an evening which will help him get some of the stuff actually finished. DD will have peace and quiet on an evening so she can choose to come downstairs if she wants. DS2 won't be shouted at for random stuff...it will be pleasant break for all of us. DP is being an increasing arse...he is so stupidly grumpy and will be randomly rude, brushing off any comments I, or DS2 ( we are the only people in the house who speak to him), make as though we are just too stupid to bother with. He really is on the narcissistic spectrum and finds anything that he could possible perceive as a criticism, however mild, as a vicious attack and he just can't cope. Its a good job I am no longer emotionally connected to him or it would be really painful, now I can just think what a prat he is and dream about having enough money to tell him to f*ck off.
DM has been fairly quiet, I've only had one phone call from her and we talked about the weather in America, where there have been hurricanes, and the political situation in North Korea, where they have been firing missiles, all very superficial. I was polite and asked about her health but I am telling her nothing about my life, she doesn't have any interest so why would I bother. She is another on the narcissistic spectrum, with DF as her enabler....not a supportive family that's for sure! DB is another who is utterly disconnected from the family, I get updates on what he's doing from DM and DF but I have virtually no contact with him. We send cards to each other and Xmas presents, but that's it. I can't see us staying in touch once our parents die, its a shame as I had a good relationship with DB1 and I still miss him. OK the relationship could have faded, after all I used to think my parents were good and that DP was my best friend, but I like to think he really was the person I remember. It would be so good to actually have a grown up friend I could off load to, there are days I really need it and I have no one. That why I write this!! Even J. uses me to off load onto and its not a two way street as I find her boundaries strange and so tell her only very superficial stuff about my life, basically I don't trust her....not good. The 'friendship' is fading off which is good in some ways...she is very loud when she comes round which disturbs DD...and sad in others...she was a good friend before she got wrapped up in her drug addict boyfriend and I do miss having someone to talk to. But such is life.
My hopes for the next month or so is that DD manages to regain some energy when DS2 goes back to College, she has been flaring a lot all summer, mini flares but still leaving in bed for a lot of the time. I also hope DS1 gets a job, that's it basically. I just want him to get on with his life....he gets awfully floppy and has any number of excuses about why he hasn't done stuff but he just needs to man up and get his sh*t sorted! He doesn't have to move out, though that would be good, he just needs to grow up. DS2 will hopefully get some control over his behaviour and reduce his aggression...we live in hope. One day my fantasy wish will come true and DM will finally die, DF possibly has another 20 years to go but I hope DM dies earlier than that! Ideally DP will piss off at some stage...magically still leaving his salary with us...OK not going to happen but it is a fantasy!
Thursday, 20 July 2017
Getting through the jobs
Well DS1 came back ok from Uni and barely had time to sit down before I started him on decorating. We started decorating in DDs room. She wanted another wall painted in the dark purple/grey she'd already got on a couple of walls. I'd ordered another tin of the paint at Easter thinking we might get chance to do the painting then but there was no time then. It was nightmare as the paint is very thin and drips everywhere...and I really mean everywhere....it was also a distinctly different shade to the previous paint, much more grey and less purple. I got another tin so I could repaint the initial wall for that to be yet another shade! I phoned up and complained and got my money back...a real consideration given the premium cost of the paint.
DS1 and I then went to the Dulux paint centre and got some paint....and then went back as the first paint was a vibrant pink, not at all like the swatch on the site. The eventual colour was perfect, realistically the original colour but without the very nice chalky effect that the premium paint had. On the plus side the Dulux paint was a doddle to use as its a good thick consistency so doesn't drip everywhere.
We then had fun as DS1 needed to fix a tv stand to the wall so DD could have a tv in her room over her bed. The original tv stand I'd ordered was massively too big and weighed more than the tv. I got another, much smaller one and even that caused problem fixing it to the wall. DS1 manged to sort it by attaching a piece of wood to the wall first and angling the screws down. The tv hasn't come off the wall yet so it appears to be working fine. Having a tv made a real difference to DD as she can distract while laid in bed. It was particularly useful as the day we'd finished in DDs room we went on to decorate the living room which was a major job and involved laying cork tiles as the floor, which was stained floorboards and was just a mess and looked grubby and annoyed me. We managed really well and finished the work in five days...five long days but it all got done. We even put window film on the windows...a major undertaking as one of the windows is the width of the room. Luckily DS2 was really sensible and helped so we managed without any traumas. Having the film makes a real difference to the amount of glare in the room and really helps DD, not that she's spent much time in the living room. All the hassle of decorating and having the house a mess has been hard on DD who spent most of the time in bed watching tv and napping.
We had fun one night when a mouse got into the house. Renata caught it immediately but didn't kill it. Instead she decided it was the best toy ever and brought it into my room to play with and proceeded to play for an hour or so...from 1.30am...until she lost it! DD, who was in my room as her room was still being sorted, and I got NO sleep that night. The mouse made a break for freedom mid morning when DS1 was in my bedroom. He is utterly phobic of rodents and freaked. Renata caught it again but was still playing. I went up armed with a broom and managed to corner the little bugger and crush to death. We also found where we assume the mouse got into the house and filled the hole up. Renata sulked for days, partly because we we messing up her house decorating and partly because I took away her toy!
We still have my bedroom and the halls to emulsion but we are having a break from decorating. We could only do the living room as DP was away in Australia and DS2 was still in college. DP is off for a week at the start of August so we definitely won't be decorating then...anyway we all need a rest. DD and Renata in particular need for the house to be calm for a few weeks.
Anyway the beginning of August I'll be getting a new car. I'd already planned to sort one that week as my car is getting very elderly and I thought it worth replacing before the MOT at the end of August but its become more urgent as a total dimwit pulled out of a junction, from a a standing start, and hit the side of my car. Luckily DS1 was with me so he could take all the photos we needed and I spoke to the insurers as soon as we got back home. I could have had a hire car through the insurance but that would have needed DP to be home so he could sign...not possible with him being in Australia. I sorted my own hire car and will need to make sure the new car has insurance in my name in case I have any problems in future.
Unsurprisingly the insurance decided to write the car off, not because there was a lot of damage but the car is old and not in great condition. The damage was a minor shunt to the passenger door and wheel arch but even that amount of damage was more than the value of the car. It worked in our favour as the price the insurance offered us was twice what we'd have got from anywhere else.
Now we just need to sort a new car. We then get to finish the decorating, DS1 needs to sort his CV and portfolio and get himself a job. He is back in London next week for a couple of days to graduate...I'm gutted neither DD or I can go and see him get his degree but there is no way DD is well enough for us to go.
DD has a list of photos she wants to take over the summer and beyond. She has taken a break from blogging as it was getting too hard for her and not fun anymore, but she missed all the excitement and the reason for getting dressed up so she is now back blogging. Her photos are getting better all the time and we are now moving into the realms of props and 'concepts'....definitely makes for better photos.
DS2 is being a total arse already...aggressive, floppy, entitled, rude...just basically unpleasant and had to be around. Hopefully he calms down and starts being the lovely child he can be.
So not a relaxing summer. Especially as DM is back in hospital, another trip via ambulance just because her oxygen was low. I'm pretty sure she could have got to A&E by car, but an ambulance is so much more dramatic and DM sure likes to be the centre of attention. DP, DS2 and I went over to York to see her on Wednesday evening and that's it as far as I'm concerned. I'm just waiting for her to die....even DF is talking about her bed blocking and not needing to be resuscitated, so he is getting sick of her endless dramas and illness.
Anyway the summer will, hopefully be productive. A newly decorated house, a new car and hopefully DS1 with a job....anything else is a bonus. I would like to see DD coping with all the photo outings she's planned and not having a flare! I also want to see DS2 calming down and being his sweet, charming self! I'd also like to have DM dead and DP leaving...a girl can dream!
Update: well we have managed to get the decorating mostly done before the end of August, my bedroom still needs some bits finishing and the hall and stairs still need to be painted but the main work is all done. Its so good KNOWING that the floor in the living room and my bedroom are totally sealed...wire mesh and panelling with a pile of filler in my room! Its also just so much cleaner and tidier as I've taken the opportunity to clear out a load of junk.
The new car is another Honda Jazz as I liked the last one so much, its even red which makes it easy to remember which is my car in a car park.
DD got one of her photo sessions sorted and we all set off for Whitby at 2am to be there for the pre-dawn 'blue hour'. Unfortunately the photos weren't quite what she'd been hoping for but it was still a lovely day and the photos are more than usable. Instead of resting following the day out she pushed herself too hard while DS1 and I decorated my bedroom which did lead to a mini flare and she was in bed for a week in lots of pain.
My parents came over on afternoon on their way back from Tong, their stated reason was to see DS1. Not a good day as we were in the middle of decorating and really busy. Anyway they did get to 'see' DS1 when I made him go down but they didn't actually bother speaking to him! Strange. They also failed to notice I had a new car, but DP took them out to show them his new car...in fact he spoke pretty much all the time they were here, dull but better than me having to try and cobble together any conversation, and lets be honest, they have no interest in anything I say or do and may actually find DP's rambling of some interest.
Other than that DS2 is still having real problems regulating his behaviour...he is working through some difficult stuff from his past in therapy which is stressing him and he's anxious about his last year at College, non of which is an excuse for his behaviour but it does make it understandable.
Last night was fun as he and DP had a massive argument. They had been out to a rugby match which was impossible to find, stressful for both of them but no excuse for either of them to behave so badly. I gather DS2 said lots of rude and unkind things to DP...mostly 'true' if with a spin on them...basically how no one liked DP. Not unnaturally DP was not overjoyed and because he's a prat he totally over reacted, as he always does, and was nasty in retaliation so the situation escalated. It took hours to calm DS2 down enough so he could sleep. DS1 and DD helped talk him down...we all, independently, stressed to DS2 that its not okay to say unkind things...non of us was going to tell him off for lying because we all basically agreed with his honesty even if his delivery was unacceptable. DP had been going to work from home rather than driving into the office...not something any of us wanted as its always horrid having him at home, but after last night he decided to go into work so people there can tell him how amazing he is. He is never going to get that at home that's for sure! Now we just have to survive through next week when he's off all week!
DS1 and I then went to the Dulux paint centre and got some paint....and then went back as the first paint was a vibrant pink, not at all like the swatch on the site. The eventual colour was perfect, realistically the original colour but without the very nice chalky effect that the premium paint had. On the plus side the Dulux paint was a doddle to use as its a good thick consistency so doesn't drip everywhere.
We then had fun as DS1 needed to fix a tv stand to the wall so DD could have a tv in her room over her bed. The original tv stand I'd ordered was massively too big and weighed more than the tv. I got another, much smaller one and even that caused problem fixing it to the wall. DS1 manged to sort it by attaching a piece of wood to the wall first and angling the screws down. The tv hasn't come off the wall yet so it appears to be working fine. Having a tv made a real difference to DD as she can distract while laid in bed. It was particularly useful as the day we'd finished in DDs room we went on to decorate the living room which was a major job and involved laying cork tiles as the floor, which was stained floorboards and was just a mess and looked grubby and annoyed me. We managed really well and finished the work in five days...five long days but it all got done. We even put window film on the windows...a major undertaking as one of the windows is the width of the room. Luckily DS2 was really sensible and helped so we managed without any traumas. Having the film makes a real difference to the amount of glare in the room and really helps DD, not that she's spent much time in the living room. All the hassle of decorating and having the house a mess has been hard on DD who spent most of the time in bed watching tv and napping.
We had fun one night when a mouse got into the house. Renata caught it immediately but didn't kill it. Instead she decided it was the best toy ever and brought it into my room to play with and proceeded to play for an hour or so...from 1.30am...until she lost it! DD, who was in my room as her room was still being sorted, and I got NO sleep that night. The mouse made a break for freedom mid morning when DS1 was in my bedroom. He is utterly phobic of rodents and freaked. Renata caught it again but was still playing. I went up armed with a broom and managed to corner the little bugger and crush to death. We also found where we assume the mouse got into the house and filled the hole up. Renata sulked for days, partly because we we messing up her house decorating and partly because I took away her toy!
We still have my bedroom and the halls to emulsion but we are having a break from decorating. We could only do the living room as DP was away in Australia and DS2 was still in college. DP is off for a week at the start of August so we definitely won't be decorating then...anyway we all need a rest. DD and Renata in particular need for the house to be calm for a few weeks.
Anyway the beginning of August I'll be getting a new car. I'd already planned to sort one that week as my car is getting very elderly and I thought it worth replacing before the MOT at the end of August but its become more urgent as a total dimwit pulled out of a junction, from a a standing start, and hit the side of my car. Luckily DS1 was with me so he could take all the photos we needed and I spoke to the insurers as soon as we got back home. I could have had a hire car through the insurance but that would have needed DP to be home so he could sign...not possible with him being in Australia. I sorted my own hire car and will need to make sure the new car has insurance in my name in case I have any problems in future.
Unsurprisingly the insurance decided to write the car off, not because there was a lot of damage but the car is old and not in great condition. The damage was a minor shunt to the passenger door and wheel arch but even that amount of damage was more than the value of the car. It worked in our favour as the price the insurance offered us was twice what we'd have got from anywhere else.
Now we just need to sort a new car. We then get to finish the decorating, DS1 needs to sort his CV and portfolio and get himself a job. He is back in London next week for a couple of days to graduate...I'm gutted neither DD or I can go and see him get his degree but there is no way DD is well enough for us to go.
DD has a list of photos she wants to take over the summer and beyond. She has taken a break from blogging as it was getting too hard for her and not fun anymore, but she missed all the excitement and the reason for getting dressed up so she is now back blogging. Her photos are getting better all the time and we are now moving into the realms of props and 'concepts'....definitely makes for better photos.
DS2 is being a total arse already...aggressive, floppy, entitled, rude...just basically unpleasant and had to be around. Hopefully he calms down and starts being the lovely child he can be.
So not a relaxing summer. Especially as DM is back in hospital, another trip via ambulance just because her oxygen was low. I'm pretty sure she could have got to A&E by car, but an ambulance is so much more dramatic and DM sure likes to be the centre of attention. DP, DS2 and I went over to York to see her on Wednesday evening and that's it as far as I'm concerned. I'm just waiting for her to die....even DF is talking about her bed blocking and not needing to be resuscitated, so he is getting sick of her endless dramas and illness.
Anyway the summer will, hopefully be productive. A newly decorated house, a new car and hopefully DS1 with a job....anything else is a bonus. I would like to see DD coping with all the photo outings she's planned and not having a flare! I also want to see DS2 calming down and being his sweet, charming self! I'd also like to have DM dead and DP leaving...a girl can dream!
Update: well we have managed to get the decorating mostly done before the end of August, my bedroom still needs some bits finishing and the hall and stairs still need to be painted but the main work is all done. Its so good KNOWING that the floor in the living room and my bedroom are totally sealed...wire mesh and panelling with a pile of filler in my room! Its also just so much cleaner and tidier as I've taken the opportunity to clear out a load of junk.
The new car is another Honda Jazz as I liked the last one so much, its even red which makes it easy to remember which is my car in a car park.
DD got one of her photo sessions sorted and we all set off for Whitby at 2am to be there for the pre-dawn 'blue hour'. Unfortunately the photos weren't quite what she'd been hoping for but it was still a lovely day and the photos are more than usable. Instead of resting following the day out she pushed herself too hard while DS1 and I decorated my bedroom which did lead to a mini flare and she was in bed for a week in lots of pain.
My parents came over on afternoon on their way back from Tong, their stated reason was to see DS1. Not a good day as we were in the middle of decorating and really busy. Anyway they did get to 'see' DS1 when I made him go down but they didn't actually bother speaking to him! Strange. They also failed to notice I had a new car, but DP took them out to show them his new car...in fact he spoke pretty much all the time they were here, dull but better than me having to try and cobble together any conversation, and lets be honest, they have no interest in anything I say or do and may actually find DP's rambling of some interest.
Other than that DS2 is still having real problems regulating his behaviour...he is working through some difficult stuff from his past in therapy which is stressing him and he's anxious about his last year at College, non of which is an excuse for his behaviour but it does make it understandable.
Last night was fun as he and DP had a massive argument. They had been out to a rugby match which was impossible to find, stressful for both of them but no excuse for either of them to behave so badly. I gather DS2 said lots of rude and unkind things to DP...mostly 'true' if with a spin on them...basically how no one liked DP. Not unnaturally DP was not overjoyed and because he's a prat he totally over reacted, as he always does, and was nasty in retaliation so the situation escalated. It took hours to calm DS2 down enough so he could sleep. DS1 and DD helped talk him down...we all, independently, stressed to DS2 that its not okay to say unkind things...non of us was going to tell him off for lying because we all basically agreed with his honesty even if his delivery was unacceptable. DP had been going to work from home rather than driving into the office...not something any of us wanted as its always horrid having him at home, but after last night he decided to go into work so people there can tell him how amazing he is. He is never going to get that at home that's for sure! Now we just have to survive through next week when he's off all week!
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